[neri]

..first, sorry i seem to have lost my dictionary, i'll try to manage...

I've been down for few weeks now, everything is just too much right now... I just can't take care of myself at all, not even mentioning my pets... I don't know what i should do, i just feel SO bad and of course guilty for not looking after my dog, i'm an awful person i shouldn't have gotten a dog in the first place...

I haven't cleaned up for a long time, there's new lifeforms in the dishes, and just today when i actually got myself to go and buy some real food, i cried my eyes out when i got back home

I'm in tremendous self hate, i feel like doing what they did in that creepy space movie Event Horizon, tear my eyes out with my bare hands and so on... If i wasn't such a coward i'd cut myself until there was nothing left

[shakes]

Neriz,
It does not make you a coward because you won't cut yourself..that takes a tremendous amount of strength to do. I am so sorry that you are going through so much right now. Sometimes even the smallest tasks can seem completely overwhelming.
Just try to look at the small things that you accomplish. For example you went food shopping today.. so look at the as being a great thing instead of dwelling on all the wrong things that happened today.
Depression can make us feel like we do everything wrong and does not let us look at all the wonderful things that we do right. Try not to look at the big picture all the time.. it can be too overwhelming.
I do not know if this helps..i just wanted to let you know that I read your post.

Jessica

(((((((((Neriz))))))))))) Maybe you can be gentle with yourself. Why dont diaglog with your soul and see whats got it so down. Take care of yourself!

[neri]

just spent a lovely time sitting in the dark in a corner of the kitchen with a knife in my hand...

[(JD)]

(((((neriz)))))))

[Fuzzybear]

*I'd cut myself until there was nothing left* I know how you feel ((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

Please take care of you.... we care here.

[adieuolivaw]

NERIZ:

Because you're feeling so bad, it might be a good idea to ask for some medication that will help you feel better right away. If they tell you that you have to wait six weeks for that kind of medication to work, well --- that's not so. There are old style medications that will help you right away. You can use a little of them along with the slower acting ones, so that you will always be feeling better.

Keep asking your doctor for that kind of help, because it IS available. And maybe you need something for anxiety also. Anyway, you need to discuss your feelings with a doctor, so that he/she can give you exactly what you need.

Forget the guilt. We've experienced severe depression ourselves. We understand. The important thing is to keep yourself safe. And to take good care of doggie also.

Please be kind to yourself and take this important first step. Make an appointment to see the doctor and tell him/her about your depression.

Love,
Adieu

[Wants2Fly]

I am so sorry to hear this, Neriz. I was in a dark place very like that for most of the summer -- after a downward slide that had started around 1999.

The folks here at Psych Central Depression Forum helped pull me through as much as anything. They also insisted that I go see a pdoc -- and eventually I hauled my butt out of the recliner in a dark sublet where I was living -- someone had glued me into it with Crazy Glue

The meds really helped.

The pdoc I saw in New Orleans sent me off with a shopping bag full of meds bec. of my poverty -- some are very, very nice -- in fact, that reminds me, I really need to write to the nice folks in NOLA about how much they helped me. So if money is an issue, don't let that stop you from finding a pdoc.

Please keep writing to us and venting whatever you need to and we will send you hugs and love and prayer --

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Neriz)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[celeste123]

((((((neriz))))))
Hey we all have those bad times. Some days are up and some days are down just keeping going. You are a lovely person.
Take care