[marianne rose]

I'm in the middle of a major depressive episode that hit after spinal cord surgery. I'm on wellbutrin which I understand is a stimulant. My pdoc said he wanted me to be on it because I'm having motivation problems and a foggy brain which are effecting my business. I recently found out my blood pressure was quite high even though I was on meds and even after doubling the meds. I've become so confused I got lost coming home last week from a place I've been going to for 8 years. I've doubled booked appointments and forgotten to show up. About 80% of what I type I have to backspace over to fix. I either hit the wrong keys, the right keys but the wrong order or type a word but not the word I want. It's a real word but not even close to what I'm thinking. I can't come up with words/names and generally feel like I'm a week behind the rest of the world. Two days before Christmas I thought I still had another week. I've been sent back to my neurologist to rule out a small stroke but was told it's most likely just the depression. I've ruled out ECT because of the memory loss. I have no idea what to do next. Is confusion this bad with major depression??? Really, this bad?

[Phyliss49]

marianne rose,
I am often confused and unable to keep track of the passing days when I'm depressed. This seems to be common with depression, and with a little time medication improves this.
Can I ask how long you have been on wellbutrin and if you are in therapy?
I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. You are not alone.

[madisgram]

when i am depressed i try not to even drive a car...i am so distracted. when i'm manic my mind is racing so face i can't catch it. when i crash, i am exhausted. so yes, i think the depression could be causing this. perhaps a call to your pdoc would help. he could consider another med to lift the depression in a speedier fashion.
sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. we're here for you..

[marianne rose]

Thanks for asking. I've been on wellbutrin for about 6 weeks. I end up having long sessions with my pdoc which is basic therapy anyway but no, I don't see anyone for therapy. I saw my pdoc yesterday. We went over a few options like ECT, additional stimulant drugs, vitamin suppliments, and neuropsychological testing. We decided to do nothing until I see my neurologist to rule out a small stoke. TAI's were almost a way of life for my dad when he was alive. It very well may be that. I was really lucky and was able to get an appt with the neuro tomorrow. I've been in physical therapy for my neck for almost 3 months. It ends Friday. I'm actually rather glad I only have to go back one more time. I lost my car today and was wandering around the parking lot in the wind and snow for about 20 minutes before I went in and asked to use the phone. I live close so I thought maybe I'd walked and just forgot. My son said the car wasn't at home so I knew it was there somewhere. The receptionist who is an angel helped me find it. I found a PT cruiser but it was blue and mine is silver. I kept going back to the blue one as if it would suddenly change and be mine. I felt quite foolish and actually might just cancel. I really don't want to go back. This is really hard. I'm afraid I'll lose my business. I teach piano and musical theater and some private vocal. I really loved my live and want it back. I miss,well, me.

Originally Posted by Phyliss49

marianne rose,
I am often confused and unable to keep track of the passing days when I'm depressed. This seems to be common with depression, and with a little time medication improves this.
Can I ask how long you have been on wellbutrin and if you are in therapy?
I'm so sorry you're feeling bad. You are not alone.

[marianne rose]

You're so right. this site has been quite a blessing. It helps to know you're not alone. I have very supportive friends and family who are sympathetic. Here I've found empathy which is great. I've had such severe suicidal thoughts I've considered walking places but in some cases I have to cross a bridge and that doesn't seem like a good idea either. I can usually sit in the car till I feel like I can drive. It just looks like I'm letting it warm up. have you added a stimulant to wellbutrin? I know the wellbutrin is a stimulant, I'm just not quite feeling clear headed or motivated, just awake. My pdoc mentioned ritalin and adderall. I'm thinking I should be open to either.

Originally Posted by madisgram

when i am depressed i try not to even drive a car...i am so distracted. when i'm manic my mind is racing so face i can't catch it. when i crash, i am exhausted. so yes, i think the depression could be causing this. perhaps a call to your pdoc would help. he could consider another med to lift the depression in a speedier fashion.
sorry you're going through such a rough time right now. we're here for you..

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by marianne rose

You're so right. this site has been quite a blessing. It helps to know you're not alone. I have very supportive friends and family who are sympathetic. Here I've found empathy which is great. I've had such severe suicidal thoughts I've considered walking places but in some cases I have to cross a bridge and that doesn't seem like a good idea either. I can usually sit in the car till I feel like I can drive. It just looks like I'm letting it warm up. have you added a stimulant to wellbutrin? I know the wellbutrin is a stimulant, I'm just not quite feeling clear headed or motivated, just awake. My pdoc mentioned ritalin and adderall. I'm thinking I should be open to either.

I'm on Wellbutrin and am trying Ritalin right now for some of the same symptoms you're describing. Hard to tell if it's helping because I don't sleep much these days, but I think it helps some.

Had insomnia before the Ritalin, so I don't think the Ritalin is keeping me up but it has that risk. Don't know anything about Adderall. Hope whatever you do helps.

[marianne rose]

Originally Posted by Tumnus

I'm on Wellbutrin and am trying Ritalin right now for some of the same symptoms you're describing. Hard to tell if it's helping because I don't sleep much these days, but I think it helps some.

Had insomnia before the Ritalin, so I don't think the Ritalin is keeping me up but it has that risk. Don't know anything about Adderall. Hope whatever you do helps.

I was responding to the stimulant effect of wellbutrin before but now I'm really tired. Sometimes standing is an effort. I have a weekend midnight job so I've learned to take benedryl to sleep. On the weekends I usually only have 4 hours to sleep before I have to get back to work. My weekend job provides me with insurance so I can't quit and I really don't want to but I admit my hours are crazy. I have a performing arts studio and business isn't great right now so I took the weekend job for the benefits. I'd like to know if you find the ritalin to be helpful with concentration. Have you been on it long? Please let me know. Thanks a whole lot. Feedback really helps.

[Tumnus]

Originally Posted by marianne rose

I was responding to the stimulant effect of wellbutrin before but now I'm really tired. Sometimes standing is an effort. I have a weekend midnight job so I've learned to take benedryl to sleep. On the weekends I usually only have 4 hours to sleep before I have to get back to work. My weekend job provides me with insurance so I can't quit and I really don't want to but I admit my hours are crazy. I have a performing arts studio and business isn't great right now so I took the weekend job for the benefits. I'd like to know if you find the ritalin to be helpful with concentration. Have you been on it long? Please let me know. Thanks a whole lot. Feedback really helps.

Wow! Having done both swing and graveyard shifts I know how hard it can be to sleep during the day sometimes. I'm sorry you have such a short time between shifts. I understand needing the money and insurance but I sure wish you had another option. It's amazing how quickly we get out of balance without a "regular" schedule.

I really haven't been on the Ritalin long but I managed to be more focused today than I have been in a while. I even remembered to make To Do lists, which I've been too scattered to even try to do lately. I'm still not sure about the med, but I'm giving it a shot!

[marianne rose]

Originally Posted by Tumnus

Wow! Having done both swing and graveyard shifts I know how hard it can be to sleep during the day sometimes. I'm sorry you have such a short time between shifts. I understand needing the money and insurance but I sure wish you had another option. It's amazing how quickly we get out of balance without a "regular" schedule.

I really haven't been on the Ritalin long but I managed to be more focused today than I have been in a while. I even remembered to make To Do lists, which I've been too scattered to even try to do lately. I'm still not sure about the med, but I'm giving it a shot!

So, it sounds like it may be helping but it will take more time to tell. A to do list is about where I am as well but actually doing anything on it has not happened. If you find it has more of a positive effect would you please keep me posted. I see my neurologist today but not my pdoc for a week or two. If you end up being able to focus and function more it just might work for me, too. I think I'd be more receptive to adding another drug with feedback from someone other than my doctor. It's not that I don't trust or have faith in him, it's just that when I get feedback from people here, I know they have nothing to gain by slanting their opinion. He wants me to see my neuro to rule out a small stroke or TIAs. He believes the problems with confusion are depression related but wants to rule out physical issues before changing anything. I agree but feel like my time is limited. I can almost feel my studio closing in a few months because I'm unable to produce even a billing statement. Next month will be out 7th anniversary. If I haven't had a stoke that surely would do it. Thanks, again, for your help. It is invaluable.

[Tumnus]

Likewise, let me know how the neurology appt went!

[marianne rose]

Originally Posted by Tumnus

Likewise, let me know how the neurology appt went!

Well, I got the time wrong for the appt with the neuro but luckily wasn't too late and was able to see him. He immediately said that my loss of memory and confusion were symptoms of depression and asked if I was on meds. I told him about the wellbutrin and how long I was on it and he said it wasn't working and I should change. I informed him I can't take SSRI's and he then said I should just have ECT. It's quick and it works is what he said. I said since I knew I'd have memory loss with ECT my pdoc and I decided it wasn't a good idea. He shrugged and checked my reflexes. That was the extent of the visit. He ordered an MRI, EEG and blood work. Had the MRI today but set my alarm for the time of the test rather than when I needed to get up. I woke up an hour early and was able to make it but didn't have time to do my usual morning routine (like shower) and had PT right after the MRI. I was late for PT but with the snow they weren't too busy. I graduated today and my PT said it was always bittersweet to have a bird leave the nest. He's the best. I've had 3 months of PT for my neck after disc replacement. I left PT and went across the hall to have lab work done. Next thing I know my PT is standing next to me. I'd forgotten to take my home exercise routine. grrrrr I won't know anything till next week but I'll let you know what happens. Thanks a bunch for caring and sharing, Tumnus. It really helps.

[Tumnus]

LOL! I'm sorry your string of unfortunate events but I'm sure glad to hear someone who sounds like me. OUt of the five balls I had to juggle today I think I only dropped one and almost missed another. But I think I'm supposed to be juggling about three more...Oh well...tomororow's another day for us both. I have to work, but I hope you can relax.

[marianne rose]

Originally Posted by Tumnus

LOL! I'm sorry your string of unfortunate events but I'm sure glad to hear someone who sounds like me. OUt of the five balls I had to juggle today I think I only dropped one and almost missed another. But I think I'm supposed to be juggling about three more...Oh well...tomororow's another day for us both. I have to work, but I hope you can relax.

Hmmmm, I think I tripped on the ball you dropped. Relax? I don't think so... I work my midnight job on the weekends and only have a 4 hour turn around time to sleep. Not because the job has me scheduled like that but because I have another job, well, jobs. I have a performing arts studio and work there in the morning on Saturday till about 1pm then sleep with the help of benedryl till 5:30 so I can be at work by 7:30 and work till 9am the next morning. I leave at 9:15 to drive to a church about 20 miles away where I play the piano for the 10am service. The pastor always talks too long so I don't get home till about noon and again, with the help of benedryl, sleep till 5:30 and go through the whole thing again. I get off at 8am Monday and sleep from about 10am - 3:30pm when I get up and go to the studio for piano lessons till about 8. I try to get an hour nap before I have to be up at 9:30. The Monday night shift is only 8 hours so I go in later. I work at the studio M,T,TR, F, SA. My day off is Wednesday. I've been in PT for the past 3 months working on my neck. I "graduated" Friday with parting gifts of a t-shirt with their logo and a hug. I'm looking forward to having my Wednesdays back. I usually spend them in bed doing a whole lot of nothing but at least it's my choice. I love my day off. It will be nice to have it back; like an old friend.
I'll let you know when I get the results of my tests. I don't expect they'll find anything but it will be nice to rule out physical problems and just focus on the head ones. Thanks for caring and sharing, Tumnus. It helps more than you know.

[madisgram]

oops i deleted your question regarding welbrutrin..but here's my answer...
i don't take wellbrutrin but my sister did. i think they put her on it cause she suffers from major depression and slept all the time. now they have her on other things but she said she feels the difference not being on wellbrutrin and will go back on it. there are so many good meds out there. why not talk with you pdoc about how you are feeling? hope this helps

[marianne rose]

Originally Posted by madisgram

oops i deleted your question regarding welbrutrin..but here's my answer...
i don't take wellbrutrin but my sister did. i think they put her on it cause she suffers from major depression and slept all the time. now they have her on other things but she said she feels the difference not being on wellbrutrin and will go back on it. there are so many good meds out there. why not talk with you pdoc about how you are feeling? hope this helps

Thanks for the feedback. I'm wondering if a higher dose would help. I'm on 300mgs/day. I can't take SSRIs. They make things much worse. I know MAOIs work for me I just really hate the side effects. I remember that 20 years ago I tried tricyclics and ended up on an MAOI so I think I should avoid those as well. I'm 10 days from my next appt. The good thing about my pdoc is that he doesn't have a staff so you don't have to fight any gatekeepers. He returns calls quickly. He said he's stumped by my lack of response and more so by the memory loss and general confusion. Perhaps adding ritalin would be a good idea. I had my MRI and blood work so all I'm waiting for is the EEG. I'll feel better about changing meds after the tests are done and results are in. Thanks, again, for caring enough to drop a line. It helps a lot. I wonder if this is a result of out of control blood pressure. It was fine during the surgery and I didn't think anything about changing to something with a lower copay (which went from $50/month to 4.99). I didn't check to see how effective the new drug was so I don't know how long my bp was high. I've adjusted the bp meds and now it's sometimes low but for the most part seems fine. Honestly, I'm clueless.