[mandazzle]

I'm losing everything! I lost swimming, and now I'm losing camp. Both of which practically make my life. They are the two best things in my life and I've lost both of them. Swimming is due to a medical problem I have that doctors can't seem to figure out. Camp is sort of a long story.
I realized today that I can't do it. I won't be able to handle being a counselor this summer. As much as I want it I don't think it can happen. I thought this was what I needed. I thought I found my "calling" or whatever you want to call it. But I guess I was wrong. I've lost almost everything important to me. All I really have left is college and my two best friends. I feel like my world is just crashing. What am I going to do without camp? It was my effing life. I can't let that go. It's been such a huge part of me since I was 8 years old. What am I going to do with my life? I wanted to be able to help people, maybe even change someone's life eventually. But now I won't be able to do that.
I've also realized... for once in my life...
I don't deserve to go through this pain.

[Melpomene]

*Hugs* You're right, you don't deserve it an I'm so happy that you realise that!

And, if you don't think you can cope with camp, don't go. But there's nothing to say you can't go when you're feeling up to it. You won't lose it forever.

And you say swimming is down to a medical condition? That's not your fault. That's not YOU losing, that's your condition losing, and once doctors figure out what it is, you can concentrate on not losing again

But until then, as you probably know, use your two best friends for supposrt, and distract yourself with college and getting better.

I know words don't always help you to feel better, but I do hope that you feel better soon. *Hugs*

[multipixie9]

mandazzle,

i am so sorry you seem to be losing something so important that you can't see your life without it.

boy, i would be really angry too. i think it is so hard to come to grips with the fact that life is NOT fair. we get so hurt and angry when something like this happens. we picture our life and we've all seen "happily ever after movies" and then some bad things come along and wreck our happily....

the thing i would encourage you to do is find a way to pour out your anger some place safe, alone or with someone you can really trust. then i would encourage you to keep your eyes open for new things to come along - that will give you similar joy and opportunity to serve and help others. there are thousands of helping opportunities and you will find other ways to enjoy and serve.

no one and i mean no one gets through life without unfair blows, rotten breaks and painful losses. we do have a choice how we handle these cruel things that put rocks in our road. you can keep anger til it becomes bitterness or you can work through the anger and sadness and begin to adapt to new things. i have the feeling you are someone who will find a way to grow beyond this rotten circumstance. feel free to vent and work things out here. people will support you here. i wish you new and wonderful opportunities.

leslie

[Blue93]

no wise words, just hugs ((((((((((Manda))))))))))

[madisgram]

can u participate at camp in another capacity? you stated you want to impact another person's life in a positive way...that's awesome...is there some way u could still be at camp in a helping role? i think you would be a good role model from what you have written.
and your friends...lean on them for support too. that's what friends are about. i hope things work out for u, if not now, maybe next camp time, swim time.
sometimes i see the glass only half empty when i need to see it half full. what else can you get active in to perhaps replace these two loves of your life just for the short while?
hugs to you.

[turquoisesea]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((mandazzle)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( mandazzle )))))))))))))))))))