[themoreloving1]

I would like to hear some positive stories about people overcoming depression. I want to know how you did it.

I need hope.

[themoreloving1]

I should add that I take meds, which I think need to be changed, and see a therapist, which might also need to be changed.

I am seeing a general practice MD tomorrow for bloodwork to rule out medical conditions.

[AdamAW]

Well one thing is for sure, we don't choose to be depressed and we can't exactly choose to get out of it. It would be nice if were so, but it doesn't quite work like that.

What we can do is to try to adopt a more positive outlook. This is specific to each one of us. We need to understand where we are looking at things in an unhelpful way, and then to try to correct that.

I find Dr Clay's book very useful and hopeful. There is a link to it from the Sharing Self-Help Ideas Forum. I first encountered it in late 2004 and have read and re-read it since.

The 'Understandings' he gives in the first chapter are priceless. But you really need to think about some of them, I think.

If we can learn to view all behaviour, thought, and feelings as arising from causes then we can stop feeling quite so stuck. Why is it that we're depressed or anxious? Its due to a particular combination of inner and outer conditions arising in space and time, it's not 'just me' in quite the way we think it is.

It's a very strange and detached way of looking at ourselves, looking at ourselves as some sort of experimental subject - 'what does a me experience in a situation like this?' we can ask ourselves.

It seems bizarre, and peverse, but what we really need to do when we're depressed is to experiment with new ways of thinking that offer us a new perspective.

I'm thinking that if we can embrace and accept what we most fear - the truth about ourselves with all of our all-too-human faults and limitations, we can at least be a bit more happy about ourselves.

Self-help author Richard Carlson said a friend of his had an idea for a self-help book: 'I'm not OK, You're not OK, and that's OK"!

One of the great things about PC is that it makes it clear that it's perfectly acceptable to have mental health issues of whatever kind, and of whatever intensity. The thing is that our mental health just is as it is.

If we can accept ourselves then I think we can find at least a little peace and joy no matter what else is going on for us.

[Reenboe]

For me, I'm not so sure "beaten" it is an accurate way to frame it. Perhaps more fitting is "effectively managing" it. I've actually had many bouts over the past 35 years and always recovered. Up until I was 36 the recovery was primarily a result of the episode running it's course, though I think a significant contributing factor in a couple of cases were major (positive) life changes...in one case a move and in another a new job. I was never on medication until I was 36. Since that time Zoloft has been quite effective at keeping the depression at bay. The problem has been that I haven't stayed on it consistantly, but everytime I've gone back on it I achieved stabalization. I will share however that most recently it took some time because I was taking the Teva Sertraline generic and for me it seemed to take considerably longer and was less effective than the brand name Zoloft. I asked my Pdoc to write me a rx for the brand name Zoloft and within days I felt the "shift" that I had been waiting for with the generic and that I had been accustomed to in the past.

I'm glad you are having the blood workup. If your TSH level is anything above about 4.0, ask for further Thyroid testing if it's not offered to you. You might want to consider it no matter what. Also...I have read that even if one doesn't have Thyroid issues, sometimes hormone supplementation is used to augment anti-depressants.

Good luck to you!

[themoreloving1]

Reenboe, was your depression debilitating? For example, I lost my job due to mine. I have problems doing errands without becoming very fatigued.

I am hoping the blood work shows at least some sort of Vitamin deficiency or something.

[turquoisesea]

I hope the test comes out with something you can work with

I'm not really sure where I am now, but I HAVE gotten better at it - although some other issues have come up, but ... I've seen people get better

It's given me hope ... people have gotten better, people successfully manage.... so there's hope I think

[Reenboe]

Originally Posted by themoreloving1

Reenboe, was your depression debilitating? For example, I lost my job due to mine. I have problems doing errands without becoming very fatigued.

I am hoping the blood work shows at least some sort of Vitamin deficiency or something.

Well, as a result of one of my bouts I did lose my job. I've dealt with loss of appetite and sleeping difficulties (even though normally I can be almost narcoleptic at times...lol). My last bout, because the generic Zoloft wasn't helping, resulted in my first hospital stay because I was feeling that hopeless. The more time that went by without any improvement, the more I lost perspective. I feel like more than ever before I felt like I was never going to feel well again. I couldn't stay in my own house because I felt so anxious there, so I spent several months at my ex-husband's house, basically forcing my teenage son to live like a vagabond during that time as his aunt and two cousins also live there.

I could only function very minimally, although when I was at work, maybe because I've been doing my job for so long, I was able to muddle through (well, with the exception of not being there for 1-1/2 wks due to my hospital stay).

It can feel so incredibly insurmountable when you're in the midst of it. The best I could do was try and find ways to bide my time while I waited for the meds to kick in. I'd try as much as possible to find distractions. When I was at the hospital it helped some to ride the stationary bikes they had available. I could feel a definite lift in my mood, even if it wasn't huge nor did it last a terribly long time. It did provide fleeting relief. I was prescribed clonazepam and that helped with respect to the accompanying anxiety and to get to sleep. It kind of served as a buffer with respect to my ruminating thoughts.

I recall saying to my ex-husband during one of my previous bouts that the time I felt the best was when I was asleep. During the earliest stages of this latest bout my thinking was so distorted that I questioned if I'd died and gone to hell and my damnation was that everything in my life was replicated to make me think I was still alive, but that I'd be depressed throughout eternity. I think that's about as bad as it gets.

Oh, one final thing. I got my period when I was in the hospital and it lasted for over TWO months! And of course I was already fatigued because it goes with the territory, but I was starting to become downright anemic. My GP put me on a 10 day course of Provera to stop the bleeding and that rendered the brandname Zoloft less effective for that time period. But once the bleeding stopped I started feeling increasingly better day by day.

As much as possible I just tried to take things one day at a time. When I'd feel like I couldn't take it anymore, I'd just tell myself to try and hang in there for one more day. And then I'd repeat that the next day.

Is this your first bout with depression? It's only been a very short time that I've felt back to my "old self" again. I pretty much felt like hell from early November until the latter part of January. But I weathered it, as I have many times before. THIS time, I vow to stay on my meds faithfully.

If you think it might help for you to stay in touch with someone who recently hit rock bottom but subsequently climbed my way back up and out, please feel free to PM me your email address and/or yahoo IM username.

[madisgram]

i was at the end of the rope. i had no hope. NONE.
i had lost the desire to fight back anymore. i was beaten down to nothingness.
i couldn't even express what i was feeling anymore. there was nothing but a black hole in my heart, a VOID.
i decided to give it more more shot of getting better but i really didn't believe it would happen. historically i had always been a fighter but there was no more fight left in me.
i said i breathed air. that described me.
i had even lost the ability to cry.
my favorite quote was edna st. vincent millay's: "life goes on, i forget just why."
i admitted myself into a private hospital in the psych ward. i had two wonderful men that treated me, a phd psycholgist (cbt) and a psychiatrist. they slowly began "peeling back the onion" seeing me 7 days a week. i was put on different meds. they were aggressive with the doseages at first to speed up the theuraputic doseage process. later they found the right doseage for me once i came back to "life".
i slowly started vomitting up all the hurt and pain i had stuffed since a child. i entrusted these two men with my life. trusting was a new feeling for me. they had earned the trust i gave them. they had to work hard to gain it. they did.
i requested a longer stay cause i was so afraid i would fail if they let me out too soon. i stayed at the hosp. for about 60 days. why fear of failure? i had decided this was my final attempt at getting well. i was done if it didn't work.
i worked hard in therapy, they worked hard.
i started to eat again. i even found i could laugh again.
i stayed in weekly therapy for over 10 years. i worked for evey learning tool they gave me. i practiced till i got it as good as i could. i applied what i learned in all my daily living...relationships, selfimage, coping skills, anger issues, depression, aloneness, trust issues, family issues, "old tapes",etc. i had no support system at that time...no family that seemed to care and no friends to speak of.
it was like i had been in a coccoon. when i emerged thru this process of healing i became the new and improved "me". i had hope. i had learned to love myself in spite of my "warts", i knew that this journey was for a lifetime of self discovery. i learned to really love life. i learned that i was full of gratitude for the help i had received and the person i had worked for and become.
i am so grateul today. every day is a gift i have received. i can make it as beautiful as i want it to be. i make every effort to not let others rain on my parade. life is too short for that. i feel empowered.
i hope my experiences may help empower you too.
"you can't keep it, unless you are willing to give it away." that is what i hope i have done in this reply..give it to you. you are are value and worth. you are unique in this entire world of ours. you are very, very special.

[themoreloving1]

Originally Posted by madisgram

i was at the end of the rope. i had no hope. NONE.
i had lost the desire to fight back anymore. i was beaten down to nothingness.
i couldn't even express what i was feeling anymore. there was nothing but a black hole in my heart, a VOID.
i decided to give it more more shot of getting better but i really didn't believe it would happen. historically i had always been a fighter but there was no more fight left in me.
i said i breathed air. that described me.
i had even lost the ability to cry.
my favorite quote was edna st. vincent millay's: "life goes on, i forget just why."
i admitted myself into a private hospital in the psych ward. i had two wonderful men that treated me, a phd psycholgist (cbt) and a psychiatrist. they slowly began "peeling back the onion" seeing me 7 days a week. i was put on different meds. they were aggressive with the doseages at first to speed up the theuraputic doseage process. later they found the right doseage for me once i came back to "life".
i slowly started vomitting up all the hurt and pain i had stuffed since a child. i entrusted these two men with my life. trusting was a new feeling for me. they had earned the trust i gave them. they had to work hard to gain it. they did.
i requested a longer stay cause i was so afraid i would fail if they let me out too soon. i stayed at the hosp. for about 60 days. why fear of failure? i had decided this was my final attempt at getting well. i was done if it didn't work.
i worked hard in therapy, they worked hard.
i started to eat again. i even found i could laugh again.
i stayed in weekly therapy for over 10 years. i worked for evey learning tool they gave me. i practiced till i got it as good as i could. i applied what i learned in all my daily living...relationships, selfimage, coping skills, anger issues, depression, aloneness, trust issues, family issues, "old tapes",etc. i had no support system at that time...no family that seemed to care and no friends to speak of.
it was like i had been in a coccoon. when i emerged thru this process of healing i became the new and improved "me". i had hope. i had learned to love myself in spite of my "warts", i knew that this journey was for a lifetime of self discovery. i learned to really love life. i learned that i was full of gratitude for the help i had received and the person i had worked for and become.
i am so grateul today. every day is a gift i have received. i can make it as beautiful as i want it to be. i make every effort to not let others rain on my parade. life is too short for that. i feel empowered.
i hope my experiences may help empower you too.
"you can't keep it, unless you are willing to give it away." that is what i hope i have done in this reply..give it to you. you are are value and worth. you are unique in this entire world of ours. you are very, very special.

that story is truly an awesome one. did you do cbt for much of the ten years of therapy?
thank you for sharing your story.
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[nowheretorun]

moreloving1,

i am glad to hear of the others hard work in overcoming this condition .. for me, it is a matter of coming to terms with some certain realities and those realities do cause within me a degree of sadness... to heal, the realities need to be overcome and that is not always easy, sometimes, giving up feels like the only option, but if we do, they win...

[PLEASE_STOP]

Mine comes and goes. It seems to be worse during the winter.

"It's Winter"!