Getting close to people.

This should really be in the relationships forum, but a lot of it triggers me so I wanted to put it here instead?? If it's ok....

I struggle with relationships now. I think I have done ever since I were a kid. I don't think I've made friends since I was a child. My parents were friends with another family who had a little boy around the same time as I were born (the day after in fact) so we kind of grew up together and were immediately friends. We went to nursery, infant and primary school and high school together (although our friendship dwindled we still spoke). Anyway... the friends I had were only ever friends of my friends... I was never able to get to know anyone myself. I did have a VERY close friend though... for about 16 years... that ended suddenly.
My family isn't very close. I don't get on with my older brother and the relationship between me and my father is very strained.

I don't want to mention most of them here, but I've had many close relationships end suddenly and badly (this is something I've only really noticed in this past couple of weeks with T).
Anyway... I think this may be the reason for my problem I wanted to talk about. I can't trust people anymore. I can't get close to people anymore. It scares me. I know I'm going to work on this when I get my T, but I just needed to say it all.
Lately I've been getting close to someone and I can't help it... it's petrifying me. I want to step back from it and let it go but I can't. It's strange having someone care about me when I'm not used to it. But, it still tugs at my heart... just little things you know? It's not right. I'm gonna hurt that person as ell as me.

**sigh**

I'm sorry for my long rant. Thank you though if you did read it all. I just needed to get it all out, you know? I'm amazed I was able to write this much, even if it is mostly babble, I used to struggle a lot with getting things out.

Molly

((((SM)))) i didn't think it was babble at all. i am so glad you are discussing this with your T. it will help you discover ways of building and keeping a relationship be it with friends, family if u choose, or a bf. wow! this is progress with a captial "P"!!!!
silver, you hang in there....you are doing the good work that will bring you contentment in your life. i'm so glad you posted this!! this is good news. but don't forget we are always here for you and know that i care about you. you matter.

LOTS OF HUGS!!!!

I'm so glad you could get this out. Thanks for sharing, it's great to know you're making progress in T.

((((((((((((molly)))))))))))))))
i know its hard and you know what i have relationship problem too i never trust anyone thats why i ended talking with my doll doodgie and iam extremely affraid of rejection so i dont get to tight to people but iam still working on it its so hard...
iam sorry for everything happened to you if iam there i could be real friends and i never run away coz friends never run from eachother no matter what happened but iam still here for you

(((((SM))))))
I think that you've got a great place to start with T (though I now the place you're in feels terrible, scary and lonely). I'm so glad you shared and wrote this, because acknowledging how tough it is is part of the battle, and the way you heal. We can't fix what we won't talk about.

I'm really glad you shared this, and I'm sending you lots of support and good thoughts as you work through it.

KKat

when i read your words Ithought i wrote them myself
Ihave the same here but really i think this site will help us so much

It is hard getting close to people and having them get close to you. Sometimes people let you down, but we have to at least give it a try. You are doing that. I and proud of you and give you credit for at least trying.

Just stay with your T and keep in touch with us here and let us know how that relationship develops.

Hugs to you, SilverMoon.

This is the place to let it out SM

I'm having a hard time being around people too. Hopefully we can both get past it some day. I hope your T can help you. I should do the same.

Good Luck

Aw thank you all. It will be a few months 'til I get my T (the T I saw was just the assessment thing) so it'll be a while before I can work on it. But, I hope it will help.

Hugs and hope to you all,
Molly

wish you luck molly...

hi molly.. it is so hard feeling disconnected and alone... try starting small, make a great relationship with something that cant hurt you as you fear, pets are one good example but i have also spent time in the woods, establishing caring and loving connections with the life and spirit of something greater than myself and which also didnt harm me (unless i was very careless) .. after some time of re-establishing my own place in the world, i then felt confident enough about my own inner feelings, i felt i understood what my own goals were in a relationship and after spending time with kind nature, i felt confident enough to attempt being with other people .. not everything works for everybody, but establishing a strong loving connection to myself and the beauty around me, it gradually taught me about love again.. when i felt ready to talk to others about that level of love, i was able to find others in my area who also felt my inner need for a deeper connection and talking about nature was a lot safer than dropping my inner load of pain on them and gave the others something more kind to think about as well... best always

Hello silver moon,
Trust is hard to come by when it has been lost, but what worked for me was trusting myself. Once I learned that I was able to identify with who and when I was ready to have a relationship. I was abused in two of my relationships, one with my ex husband and the other with a man that I had a relationship with for 11 years and with both of these men I ran my life around. Im in my third relationship and we have been together for 3 years so far and I know I will be with my partner now for a long time to come. I still have the trust issues but it is nothing like it was. I just don't tolerate any type of disrespect or abuse and my partner knows this. But also on the other hand he does not tolerate it from me either and he points this out when he says stop comparing me with your ex's. Sometimes I don't realize that I do it. Dig deep inside yourself and pull out the bits that you like and cherish and nurture it, because only we know what we want. Sometimes its better to put ourselves first,but I dont mean selfishly, you know what makes you happy and you are responsible for your own happiness and when your happy everyone else will be as well. I wish you well. Take Care Molly

((((((((((((((( Molly )))))))))))))))))

Trust is HUGE for many of us. Because we have been hurt.