[JohnShaft]

Why is it that when good things happen to me, things I should be proud and excited about, they slide off like Teflon. Things that I can’t control or aren’t my problem stick like glue. I know I’m a good person yet I hate myself. I know I’m intelligent and capable yet I feel helpless. I know I have people that care about me but I feel terribly alone. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I try and try and try, and nothing works. I don’t want to go on drugs, I don’t want to see a therapist. I’m a very proud and stubborn person, I don’t want help. I just want to feel like a normal person for one day of my life.

[nothemama8]

John I think deep down you do want the help or you wouldn't have come here, maybe what your feeling is fear of the unknown
Angie

[ickydog2006]

I know how that feels. Fially I couldn't handle living without meds. I hope you never come down to that. It is perfectly okay if you do decide to take meds though.

[Wants2Fly]

John -- I recently taught a chapter that I hadn't for a long time, and I was reminded of the human behavior called the "self-serving bias."

It means that the natural human tendency is to interpret the good things that happen to us as due to our own skill, intelligence, effort, etc. And to interpret the good things that happen to others as due to luck.

It seems that many of us in depression or with other mental illness have something that would be just the opposite -- whatever we achieve that is good, we fob off as due to luck; whatever others accomplish, however meagre, we attribute to their having skills, intelligence, prowess greater than our own.

[DocClyde]

John,

Boy do I agree. I am the same kind of person. I think, actually, everyone is. I feel that we all seem to tend to make our failures out to be the biggest things people will notice about us.

It is so amazing to me, still, that other people have so many problems of their own that they don't notice the flap of my dress shirt sticking out, I mean, c'mon! It's me, mr. failure for goodness' sake

I find that when people do want to brag about my education, or my good stuff, I downplay it as well. Why? For me, it was the way I was raised. Do not brag about yourself, make everyone else feel good. Thats okay, but its not really right...we should make ourselves feel just as good.

I hope you do feel better.

[dnr4me]

John,
I know exactly how you are feeling. I am on meds, and in therapy, but I still wonder what good it is doing. Everyone tells me I am a wonderful, caring person, but why then do I feel like a complete idiot, useless and ugly?

[Kathyanita]

I read this post and John I read your post about your gf being a self-injurer. She's medicating herself in a way with self-injury behavior and it pains you.? And are you using a stubburn stoic front as your "medicine" when help options are out there. I'm just wondering if you should deny yourself exploring other options to just sucking it up. I mean no harm if this isnt you.

[darkeyes]

Wow!! I felt just like you, and also reluctant to see a therapist, maybe I thought I could beat my own negative feelings, but the things you mention that you do not want can help a great deal, believe me, I've been there.
Sometimes, talk therapy is enough and then sometimes therapy and meds, really help, getting back to the normalcy you mention.
If possible do not waste time like I did balking about seeing a mental health professional, I had regretted wasting my time, being too proud.
I came a long way and can proudly say, the "T"'s, pdoc and treatment helped save me from myself, sure I still have daily stress at times, we all do in some form, I deal with it as a fact of life. Ridding yourself of the extra baggage (by seeing a mental health professional) will be more beneficial in time, and you'll come away with knowledge and better ways of dealing with stuff.
There is no shame of seeking help, and it does not mean you are a weak person, like some ignorant people think, you know the type of people that belittle others for getting help, and stigmatize.
I feel confident that if you try professional help, you'll learn ways of staving off depression and any other negatives.
I sincerely wish you lots of luck with this. Meanwhile, please take care, and drop by and talk to us

Sincerely,
DE


BTW
Oops! Sorry, I forgot to say, "Welcome to our forums," you'll meet many warm and supportive people here.

[jmo531]

(((((JOHN)))))

I just came across this thread and knew I had to reply. I am sorry your feeling this way. I too feel this way very often. I used to consider myself an **** over-acheiver. I was on top of everything (or so I thouht). I was in control (or so I thought). Until one day when it all came crashing down around me. It was like an avalanche...literally.
I suddendly found myself a scared, fragile, little girl. For the first time in my life i had to depend on others to help me because I completely broke down. I was told that medication would help with my depression and anxiety. I was very reluctant because in my mind I didnt need them, but I knew that I couldnt go on like that. I finally gave in. Thank GOD I did. I finalyy feel like me again, but better. I still am the same person i used to be. i have my ups and downs but I'm less stresses then i used to be. I can finally see whats important and whats not. The thing is, before my breakdown, I never took time for myself. That is something I try to do now. I'm not saying that you should take meds. I am only saying to keep that option open and please do not think bad of yourself if you do.
We all need help, we all need to lean on someone sometime. You can't be in control of it all. That was the biggest lesson for me. I guess I'm still learning that though.
I wish you all the best. Please keep me posted on how you are doing. Good luck.