[justfloating]

I'm going through a rough patch right now, and the worst part of it is that it doesn't matter that I'm on meds that are actually helping, it doesn't matter that two doctors have diagnosed me as depressed as well as my counsellor making me an outline of exactly which symptoms I was exhibiting ... what if it's not really depression? What if I'm just too weak and cowardly and useless to deal with my problems? What if I'm not trying hard enough?

I know it makes no sense but the thought won't go away. Does anyone get to thinking like that, and if you do, how do you convince yourself that you're not useless, you're ill? I think I used to be able to distract myself, but it's easier to tell yourself the depression is a liar when it's not actively lying to you and you're feeling slightly more confident. Now I've hit alow and all my confidence has gone right out the window. The thought has been coming back more and more, and even though I know, rationally, that I AM depressed ... what if I'm just so pathetic I can't cope with my uselessness?

[Elysium]

Hey there!!

That's just one more lie that the depression has to offer us all. I have this thought frequently! I even tell myself that it doesn't matter that I have an illness...that doesn't excuse me being worthless....

The things we can get to telling ourselves.

I don't have many wise words for you other than to keep fighting back against the thoughts and feelings. For every time they tell you bad things that in your heart you know aren't true, stand up to them and answer back..."NO..you're wrong!! I am depressed and there is a legitimate reason for me to feel this way. Depression does not mean I am weak, or pathetic. Depression means I am depressed."

Sometimes it helps me to talk back to my thoughts and feelings. It gets a bit relentless, especially if these thoughts are more frequent, but it's something that I think has helped me. It won't necessarily bring you out of a low, but it can help you be more patient with yourself.

Lots of hugs for you if you want them!!

[jacq10]

((((((((((justfloating)))))))))
I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so upset and confused atm... I often feel a lot of those things that you have described yourself. One thing that stood out for me when I read your post, is that you - and your doctors - seem to be doing a lot of labelling. It is very possible that you meet the categories for someone who is experiencing depression, but just because you have that "label" associated with you, doesn't mean that IS you. Depression is only one part of you, and there are many many MANY other parts that you can focus on.

I personally experience bouts of depression, but I have come to accept that maybe I am *technically* depressed... I don't think of myself that way. Even on my worst days when I'm feeling like crap, I try and not focus so much on the label and get down that negative thinking track of "i'm never going to get better, i'm so depressed, etc etc" and try and focus on the other things that I have CONTROL of like distractions and things.

So I think what you are struggline with - is it or is it not depression - isn't really as relevent as how you are feeling at this very moment. We don't have control over past events, or other people... so really, when you are feeling ambiguity in regards to this "diagnosis" .. maybe try and reframe it to just how you are currently experiencing things.

Hope that you're feeling better soon...
Jacq

[lmeyer21]

I know how this feels. I use to think nobody wanted to be around me or hear what i had to say or c ared how I felt. I guess my family plays a good role in this because they will make fun of everything I have to say and make me feel like I am completley incapable of anything. When I was pregnant all my family did was put me down and tell me how they know I wouldnt be capable of taking care of my child. So my depression took advantage of this and made me tel myself theay are right I am worthless I cant do anything. My family are real self esteem boosters huh??? I guess this is why I cant get any better with my depression my family wont let me. so what i do is try to surround myself with people that do encourage me and make me feel like I am worth something.

[skeeweeaka]

Originally Posted by justfloating

I'm going through a rough patch right now, and the worst part of it is that it doesn't matter that I'm on meds that are actually helping, it doesn't matter that two doctors have diagnosed me as depressed as well as my counsellor making me an outline of exactly which symptoms I was exhibiting ... what if it's not really depression? What if I'm just too weak and cowardly and useless to deal with my problems? What if I'm not trying hard enough?

I know it makes no sense but the thought won't go away. Does anyone get to thinking like that, and if you do, how do you convince yourself that you're not useless, you're ill? I think I used to be able to distract myself, but it's easier to tell yourself the depression is a liar when it's not actively lying to you and you're feeling slightly more confident. Now I've hit alow and all my confidence has gone right out the window. The thought has been coming back more and more, and even though I know, rationally, that I AM depressed ... what if I'm just so pathetic I can't cope with my uselessness?

I know how you are feeling Rebecca, it's just the DEPRESSION TALKING TO YOU! Sometimes I can talk to myself but other times nothing really helps but distraction...anything to get out of my own head. Talking to others is a start, calling someone also works for me to get my mind out of my head!

Best Wishes,

TJ

[silver_moon]

Oh hun, you're not pathetic. That makes perfect sense to me.
I feel like that a lot, especially now after I've had a few weeks where I seemed to be back to my normal self and it was all due to not being alone. Now that person/people are gone I'm back to my usual self (very depressed self).The thoughts you're having are what I think too. Is it me? Am I just not strong enough to cope with things the way everyone else would?
The good thing is that you're not just thinking those thoughts, you're thinking 'should' I be thinking these thoughts? Are they justified? And in a wierd way I think it's a bit of both.
Depression knocks us down, makes us think things that are untrue. But because of that, it makes us weaker and less able to cope because of all the negative thoughts.
you will get out of this current low hunny. It is the depression that's making you feel like this and some time with your therapist will allow you to work on it.
I wish you all the best and take care,
Molly