alone, again, naturally

(hey, wasn't that a song or somethin?)

I'm really sick, like contagious-sick, though no one is sure with what yet. (The leading contenders are whooping cough and pneumonia.)

I'm also sick, metaphorically, of being ignored, but I don't know what to do about that, either.

Today about 5 miles from where I work and right next door to a place I like to shop, a guy shot up a church meeting, killed 7 people plus himself. I put these types of things into two categories. There are the people who are pissed off at the government and think murder will make their point (think McVeigh), and there are people who are so desperate for attention that they're willing to make the biggest splash they can think of to get it. That's where I see this guy. I'm starting to be able to relate.

It's definitely been "out of sight, out of mind" for me around here. I currently have 3 jobs and I don't get to post as much anymore, but I've discovered my value to people by the number who have checked on me to see where I've been (can count on one hand, with many fingers left over, is the answer to that one). My real life friends aren't returning phone calls or emails. I don't THINK I'd start a shoot-em-up just to get noticed, but I'm understanding the mindset of the people who do it. Loneliness sucks. Not being able to count on people you thought you could count on REALLY sucks.

What's a girl gotta do to get noticed?! A little human contact goes a long way.

((((((((((((((((((((((candy)))))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry your not feeling well. I just got over a horrible cold and I hated every last second of it. I was miserable.

I can also understand your feelings about being lonley. That is the worst thing to feel and I feel like that pretty often.

I think with you working 3 jobs, maybe your friends have tried to call you and havent been able to reach you. I don't know. I do know that we are here for you when you need us, I promise.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help to you. I hope you feel better soon.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candybear}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you are feeling ignore. That hurts a lot. Also come with that the feeling of rejection. I don't know what I could say to make you feel better. I hear you and I understand and I do care.

I'm sorry you are hurting!
nightdream

Candy,

I'm sorry you've been ill for so long and that your jobs are exhausting.

When I read this post from you I was immediately reminded of a previous post of yours last time you popped in. The reason both posts seemed similar to me was the 'nobody cares/nobody noticed' tone to them.

It is rotten that you are feeling so alone or uncared for. One of the hardest things with a community like this is learning how to ask to get our needs met in a healthy manner.

It is especially difficult when we're depressed, ill, overly tired, and over worked to ask for what we need from others.

This thread by Myzen was very eye opening to me to read and has a lot of good input from all the posters participating. Rejection Sensitivity Don't be put off by the first post thinking it isn't applicable. The discussion flows and there are some very helpful things for those of us who deal with depression or other disease/disorder. I found a lot of helpful reminders for myself for my own sensitivities about rejection like when I haven't heard from someone I was hoping or expecting to hear from.

I've learned to be very direct with people now about what I can't handle online and often that is staying in touch. My own energies wax and wane and I never have a sense of when they'll go either way. I cannot commit to certain things that I would like to based on my knowing my limits and that my limits often do not work well with other peoples expectations. By being direct or blunt in some cases I have been able to ask for my needs specifically. They often are not met........but at least I know I asked as honestly and directly and without any other expectation the possibility of a yes answer. Hearing no was hard but in time I've realized that I'm not here to please everyone nor is the world here to cater to me. I've got to make my own mojo of support and healthy boundaries.

Here's to you creating a better network of support and clearly asking for your exact needs!! You deserve to have your needs met. The world can't predict what those needs are until you tell 'em precisely. Oh! it also matters who you ask as some people are not appropriate for us. Hence the lack of phone calls or silence from someone you may have been there for. Sometimes we misjudge a person and think they are a good friend but when push comes to shove they show an inability to reciprocate. That is a good way of checking boundaries and examining just what drew you to that person in the first place. It helps to cut the energy vampires and non reciprocal friends out of your life as your needs are NOT being met by those types.

Consider yerself noticed

Candy, I'll try to make a point of looking out for your posts in particular.... I often only post hugs or somethin' though lol. Thanks for your reply to me! Bears unite!
((((((((((((((((((Candy))))))))))))))))

Zen, someone I checked on to see if she was OK because I hadn't heard from her -- told me she hadn't even noticed I was gone.

You wonder why I have a complex about this?

But see, that's what *I* do -- when I haven't heard from someone in a while, I write or call and find out what's going on with them. In return, I get "I didn't even notice you were gone." Being invisible is painful.

Candy

OH golly, that shooting sounds really scary. I read about it and wondered if anyone I knew in WI was near there. I'm glad you were not in the church at the time.

As far as feeling out of sight, out of mind...well...I know that feeling too. I really do. And I also know that when I am depressed, I tend to feel it much more intensely. Just as I also am much less likely to make any effort myself to contact someone.

So I give you kudos for reaching out here. That's a big scary step. Good for you.

I've been super busy with work, too. Glad you took the time to say hello. Take care,
gg

Hi Candybear --

I am sorry you are feeling blue about this. I think Zen has some wise things to say about reading the Rejection Sensitivity thread.

As I mentioned somewhere on another thread, during this past year of staying in the homes of so many people, one thing I've noticed is that very few people of my acquaintance have social lives that I would call "humming." Few phone messages to come home to: Longstanding friends know when we are home and call then. And really rather infrequent contact with friends and family.

I probably gravitate toward other introverts and loners, but still -- Our lives are not a Friends or Seinfeld episode. I wonder if the success of these shows is because so much of America is at home, alone, wistfully wishing our lives offered those kind of constant, you-can-count-on-em relationships. And now that I think of it, these shows also were pretty absent of any relationship problems that couldn't be solved pretty easily and within a half-hour.

Don't give up on us, CB.

(((((((((((((((((((Candybear)))))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you feel neglected.....I am just coming out of a major bi-polar expisode and I haven't been very supportive here. I promise that you will not go unnoticed on this forum again!! xoxoxo pat

Hi Candybear I missed you and I'm not just saying that so you won't shoot up the place I always feel like the perpetual new kid and think I shouldn't post to the regulars but I did notice you were missing and I am sorry you're sick. That's the absolute worst time to live alone I think. I hope you are feeling a little better by now.