[multipixie9]

we've worked with our T for 14 years. in all that time we've gotten less and less support from our spouse. but we kept trying to believe what he said, "if you get well things will be better with you and me". our oldest daughter went to therapy these last 6 months and as she shared her issues with us we realized that our spouse has never been supportive to us or to our daughters. he rejects and abandons all of us. we had some illusions that we could fix what is wrong in our marriage just by getting well ourselves. that is not true. it takes two to make or two to break a marriage.

we are afraid, alone, disillusioned. ANGRY too. we moved from the bad home of childhood, a few years on our own and then into 29 years of a marriage where we have never been accepted for who we really are. trapped, we feel trapped. is this how we will have to live the rest of our life??

i don't know that we expect anyone to write to us, we just need to hear ourselves say what is really going on. we fooled ourselves for so long - until we heard our children say what we had also experienced, that our husband and their dad is emotionally detached, neglectful and one who only values them if they can perform to his expectations and they can never do enough to "win" his acceptance. we feel bad because we let him mistreat our daughters as he mistreats us. it hurts badly to hear sarah say that "i am not good enough for dad and i've never been good enough for dad." our only goal as a mom was that our kids NOT suffer like we did and it was NOT as bad as our childhood, but we still did not give them all they needed to be healthy adults. i can't give what i never had myself.

ok, i'm quitting now. i'm trying to get somewhere in my mind and find some way to come to acceptance of things/people as they are, not as i want them to be. i want to find some way to be healthy, happy even if my spouse never accepts me or loves me. i want to stop giving him the power to hurt me or control me, he's not a "god" you know? i think it is my littles who are scared of living forever with someone who does not love/accept them. we are not able to provide for ourselves and live on our own. if anyone is still reading thanks for letting me ramble as i try to deal with my life as it is.

leslie

[Luce]

Just here, listening, Pixie peeps.
It sounds so hard.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Leslie)))))))))))))))))))))))) Sometimes the insight that we gain from t and trying to objectively look at our life can be very difficult. I am sorry you are recognizing things that are hurtful to you. I am sorry that you are having to go through all this pain but you are healing. You are getting stronger. As you heal you will find what is best for you. Know you are a wonderful person just the way you are.

BB

[silentandscared]

((((((((((((((((((LESLIE AND PIXIES))))))))))))))))))))

WE HERE YOU LOUD AND CLEAR..................GOOD FOR YOU FOR SEEING IT ALL AS HARD AS IT MUST BE,KNOW THAT YOU CAN COME HERE ANYTIME AND SORT IN YOUR HEAD.............WE DO IT ALL TIME

STAY STRONG
DONNA

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( Leslie and pixies )))))))))))))))))

(((((((((Leslie and all the Pixies)))))))))))))

You have not failed your children. You have done what you could with what you had to work with. I am sure they understand.....
You and they are all on the same page and that is validating in itself. You are not the only one, nor is your daughter. Together you will find the answers.

Remember who is your Strength and your Guide and your Light.
Keep that focus and Wisdom with come.

[DLHsSystm]

I have been married 27 years and have been in therapy for the last 15 years. I also pretty much went right from my parents home to a home with my husband. I have a dx of DID and have been working hard to heal too. My husband has been very supportive but also co-dependent, afraid, neglectful and angry at times. It hurts. I know.

My husband and I are both alcoholics, now recovering and sober. We were each caught on a merry-go-round of real and imagined hurts. I finally after 12 years of therapy, with therapists who had worked with many DID patients, was able to stop drinking with the help of my current T. And huge credit to my insider M.I.A. whose job it was to drink to keep memories away from me. My husband stopped too. I started going to AA after a hospitalization at a well known Trauma Center. I went 6 days a week. He wouldn't go. I kept going. One day he went to Al-Anon with me. Then another day he went to AA. He said he would never speak at these meetings, now he shares regularly. The reason I am writing this is because I was not able to go any further in MY healing until I was willing to give my husband up if need be. Always in the past I had said I would do anything to get better except that. I cannot support myself either, but I knew I had to be willing to try if I couldn't continue healing unless I was willing. Just willing to not actually doing. For me it was a life and death situation. For me that's what it took.

I have a Higher Power today that is light and good. I turn everything over to It and I go to self-help groups. I have learned I am only responsible for my own actions. I cannot control anyone but myself. Also, and this is the reason I wrote all of this....
just to be able to say to you....I am not a doormat and you don't have to be one either.

[Hunny]

Multipixie,

You don't need our words, we know, but we want to say how really intelligent we think you are. You have so much to offer and are a really talented writer. We hope you find your way to making use of some of the gifts and talents.

There is so much more, and we believe from what we have read, that you are only launching. Perhaps this is more of your focus now. Now you can take some time for you, now you time.

Hunny

[notz]

((((((Leslie and Pixies))))))

It would be more worrisome if your daughters moved through their life as if everything were "perfect". Your beautiful daughters are caring and intuitive...that's makes you an excellent mother!

[multipixie9]

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND, CARING RESPONSES. THEY DO HELP AND SOMETIMES THEY HELP ME SEE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

((((LUCE)))) ((((BIPOLAR BEAR)))) ((((SILENTANDSCARED))))

((((FUZZYBEAR)))) ((((WHITE_IRIS)))) ((((DLH0702))))

(((((HUNNY))))) ((((NOTZ))))

I THINK MOST OF US DO THIS, BUT SOMEDAYS I STILL FEEL LOST AND LIKE I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS OUT OF SYNC WITH REALITY. I FORGET THAT THERE ARE GOOD THINGS LEFT IN LIFE AND THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE AND IF I DON'T QUIT EVENTUALLY HEALING WILLLLL COME!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR YOUR GENTLE REMINDERS. I NEED TO WRITE SOME THINGS AND GET THEM OUT OF MYHEAD AND ONTO A FORUM WHERE PEOPLE CAN RESPOND TO WHAT I WRITE. IT REMINDS ME I AM HUMAN AND NOT AS MESSED UP AS I ONCE WAS. WHICH IS NICE TO KNOW!

BIG AND GENTLE HUGS IF YOU ALL WANT THEM. I AM NOT SHOUTING. I JUST HAVE A LITTLE WHO LOVES IT WHEN I WRITE "BIG" LETTERS.

LESLIE AND HER PIXIES

[silentandscared]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND, CARING RESPONSES. THEY DO HELP AND SOMETIMES THEY HELP ME SEE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.

((((LUCE)))) ((((BIPOLAR BEAR)))) ((((SILENTANDSCARED))))

((((FUZZYBEAR)))) ((((WHITE_IRIS)))) ((((DLH0702))))

(((((HUNNY))))) ((((NOTZ))))

I THINK MOST OF US DO THIS, BUT SOMEDAYS I STILL FEEL LOST AND LIKE I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO IS OUT OF SYNC WITH REALITY. I FORGET THAT THERE ARE GOOD THINGS LEFT IN LIFE AND THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE AND IF I DON'T QUIT EVENTUALLY HEALING WILLLLL COME!!!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR YOUR GENTLE REMINDERS. I NEED TO WRITE SOME THINGS AND GET THEM OUT OF MYHEAD AND ONTO A FORUM WHERE PEOPLE CAN RESPOND TO WHAT I WRITE. IT REMINDS ME I AM HUMAN AND NOT AS MESSED UP AS I ONCE WAS. WHICH IS NICE TO KNOW!

BIG AND GENTLE HUGS IF YOU ALL WANT THEM. I AM NOT SHOUTING. I JUST HAVE A LITTLE WHO LOVES IT WHEN I WRITE "BIG" LETTERS.

LESLIE AND HER PIXIES

BIG AND GENTLE HUGS IF YOU ALL WANT THEM. I AM NOT SHOUTING. I JUST HAVE A LITTLE WHO LOVES IT WHEN I WRITE "BIG" LETTERS.

the response from donna one of our protectors who also writes only in capitals is YES YES YES WAY TO GO BIG LETTERS ARE SO COOL AND NO IM NOT SHOUTING EITHER BUT MANY PEOPLE GET OFFENDED WHEN I WRITE IN CAPITALS I JUST HAVE TOO

love and hugs to all you pixies and Leslie too(( thats if hugs ok ))

[multipixie9]

Yes donna, big letters are way way cool! They are easier to read too.

We appreciate and accept all the hugs and kindnesses you all have offered to us. Thanks!!!!!!!!!

Leslie and littles

i kin rite as mini werds as i want to. I am big enuf to rite now. Bye bye donna!!!

Kiki pixie