what is wrong with her?!?!

got a b-day card from the Mother today. she signed it "mummy and daddy". what the heck is she trying to pull now?i haven't spoken to her for almost 6 months because i finally confronted her on the fact that i was "born to be a playmate for my sister" and when that didn't work out she basically left me to fend for myself.
years of being abused by the neighbor(and she knew), years of feeling unwanted(reality without knowing it),years of never being "good enough".
the worst part of it is that i can't see my dad.we were never really close(he worked too much) and now he's getting older(79 in Jan.) and i want to spend time with him before it's too late.but the Mother is such a control freak that it's next to impossible.
i have spent so much of my life trying to prove myself to her(i.e. National Honor Society, Salutatorian, Pre-med program,speaking and writing three languages, self-taught musician of several instruments) and all i've heard is "you'd be finishing your residency this year if you'd stuck it out" and "why aren't you speaking german and spanish to your kids".i'm so sick of all of this!
when i was raped she said to my dad"well, i suppose we should take her to the doctor and see if she's pregnant".nothing about how i was feeling.my first suicide attempt she never even came to the hospital.(my pdoc wouldn't release me to my parents and i ended up in foster until my brother became appointed my guardian).when i was taken by Him, the Mother finally reported me as a "runaway" only because social services was going to charge her w/child neglect!!!!
i've tried to reason in my mind why she is like she is(lots of familial stuff), but it does not excuse her actions.how could any mother do what she has done???the worst part is i don't want to be so angry because if she were to die i'd feel so terrible.where does this end???



alikat

aw, hun...I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that stuff. Here's some hugs if you want them:

((((((((((((ali)))))))))))))

I am truly amazed and shocked each time I see a new baby and can understand that people are capable of great cruelty to us as tiny innocent beings. I see a child and I am amazed at the magic of it all. Yet we hurt our most valuable children. I am so sorry. You have been hurt and I am sure you are and have been that most valuable child that still lives somewhere in us all.

I guess just let her be her & don't fall in her trap. Don't accept anything from her. Don't do anything. You can't change her but you can change how you react to her. Even if that reaction is ignoring. I know this isn't good advice but it's how I handle situations. I just don't have contact w/ people that hurt me then they won't continue to hurt me.
I hope you're taking care of yourself. Big hugs to you.
Love,
RhysMadison

((((((((((Yo Alikat)))))))))))))))

As a fellow long-time MPDer; I'm still finding myself surprised that your "Mommy Dearest" sounds like mine!

Mine throws me for those kind of loops all the time. She will send a Major Guilt-trippin' e-mail one day; and 2 days later I get one of her "treasured pieces" of jewelry! (I'm the only girl, so I'm "supposed to inherit"....she's still pissed off that I didn't have any children; especially a girl to pass down the family tradition)

She knew my father was sexually abusing me on a daily basis, but she just took her Valium & tuned out to my brother's acts of vandalism & burgulary (sp?) To this day, she just says "Your father had problems....you had problems.......work it out yourself!"

I just send very formal e-mails & don't give her any material to "work with" These times "Jessie" (our 10 yr old) still cries b/c she didn't have a mother in her mind... is STILL looking for a "fill-in" after gawd knows how many years! She drags around an extremely beat-up, old teddy bear that she "stole" from my Mother during our "enforced home visits" from one group home or another (don't want to remember anymore)

After all these years of Tx....don't you wonder sometimes when stuff like this still bothers us? I know I do...guess it's part of that "wandering syndrome?"

Try not to let it rattle you too much.....you've come TOO FAR, Alikat! (yeah......"easier said than done")

PM me if things get too weird for you? Open 24/7! (((((((((((DAYZEE9))))))))))))))))

Alikat,

I can't go into the mother issue but trust me I understand what you are saying.

I have no answer to your questions. I wish I did.

Take care.

place

mothers can really screw you up, can't they?i find myself saying things to my own kids that sound just like her(not abusive though).i always said i'd never be like her, but i guess genetics overides environment sometimes.

alikat