[Monty_girl]

I've gotten an email tonight from my step-sister saying that my dad is really wanting to talk to me. I don't know why this is upsetting me. My father is a somewhat good guy. Just very absent. He has never been there for me and never will. He comes out of hiding every so often and calls for a few months and then I don't hear from him for months or sometimes even years. He always ends up letting me down in some way or another. The biggest let down I still haven't gotten over was in Dec. 2001 when I graduated from college. I walked because I was so proud of what I had done. He said that he would come to my graduation and said he had his airline tickets and said what day he would come in. 2 days before he was to fly in I called him because I hadn't heard from him to make arrangements to pick him up from the airport. This was when I found out he wasn't going to come. He wasn't even going to call me to tell me. My parents were divorced when I was very young like 4. I've only gotten to meet my father once in person when I was 17, I'm 32 now. I've always wanted to have a real father/ daughter relationship with him. But I can't help to think, is this the wishes of an abused child just wanting her daddy to rush in and save her? Do I try to let him be a part of my life, to get my hopes built up, to be knocked down again? My husband always gets upset when I start talking to him, because he knows he's going to have to be the one who comforts me when he hurts my feeling yet again. Do I take the step and call him? Or should I email my step-sister back with my telephone numbers? I just scared to be let down again. Monty

Monty,

The choice is ultimately yours but based on your post you've outlined a stinky track record for this biological father and *I* would be very reluctant to give him another chance. That's me basing my choice on what I would need to do for my safety and healing.

Your husband sounds like he is supportive of you in that his upset reaction is because he pains to see you hurt by your father.

Your call but my vote is: nope! not at this time.

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((((((( monty ))))))))))))))))))))))))) can tell you what to do, but can tell you what i'd do having just had contact with my biological father.

you're just coming out of a very difficult time right now, so your vulnerability may be high. also, i wouldn't call him. if he wants to call you then you can always decided whether or not to answer the phone, given "the place" you're in when and if he calls.

gl on this hon,

kd

[Mahali]

Monty,

Can't say for sure what is best and of course as stated above the choice is ultimately yours but I havee to vote no too.

If you are in a place of vulnerability I would certainly not recommend to set yourself up for further hurt from anybody. I do understand your delemia on this but you have to do what is safest for you. Maybe at some time in the future when you are in a better place you can resume contact and mend the hurt.

Just my opinion of course but I am wishing you well. Please do take care of you.

place

[RhysMadison]

Just realize that people won't change unless they want to. You can't make them. I believe you've done your part for your dad. He isn't willing to do his part. I'd say don't give him another chance until you feel you can handle it, which now doesn't seem you are able to. You're going thru enough stuff right now, this will only add to it. Let us know how it goes & what you decide. We're here for you.
Love,
RhysMadison