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  #1  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 02:55 AM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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I'm just going to go for it:

today at work I was meeting with a consultant about a case ( I can't say much because it is confidential). What I can say is that I/we have been very triggered by this case and to compound it, I don't feel like it got the attention it needed and warranted for the severity of the incident. I felt so alone and helpless in my attempts to advocate for this child. . .I will not see (her/him) again and feel no closure. In the course of our discussion, It became clear that I was very emotionally distraught over this and in the end, my DID was disclosed (and received with great compassion). I did ask for help with the triggers involved in my work and how this affects my productivity. . .I'm feeling so vulnerable. . .sad, and exposed. This is the first time I (some would say host but I quite often feel like a guest/member of some anarchistic group ) have actually written on this site. There has been an extreme amount of switching and I guess just total checking out. I finally got the courage to speak (twice today!).
Thanks for listening.
d-land calls me the professional/mama/wife. T calls me by our birth name. some would call me the host. I don't know what to call myself here. . .

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  #2  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 09:03 AM
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kris9999 kris9999 is offline
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I think you should call yourself whatever you want to be called. If that changes than just let us know who we are speaking to. I hope your work gets better for you. I don't know the situation but some things are sadly just out of our control. It's hard because no matter how hard we try to fix some things we can't. As long as you tried your hardest to make things right in whatever this situation may be, that's all that matters really because that's all you can do.
I'm glad you spoke out twice. I'm just starting on this page and post like a maniac. I hope to hear from you more and I hope you start feeling better! Take care!
Thanks for this!
dreamland
  #3  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 10:31 AM
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LivingMiracle LivingMiracle is offline
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I agree with Kris. You should get to pick out the name that you like the best, the one that feels like it is "you" I'm sorry to hear that this case is so triggering on you. Keep your head up and keep working at it. It will be done soon wont it?
Thanks for this!
dreamland
  #4  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 10:50 AM
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Miracle1986 Miracle1986 is offline
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(((((d-land mama)))))
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  #5  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 11:14 AM
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Eriksplus Eriksplus is offline
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D-land mother,
It is a pleasure to meet you.
I am very sorry you got triggered at work. The important thing is you tried your best!
Hope to see you around!
(Webber)Erik
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@~~~%~~~
  #6  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 03:23 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manda86 View Post
(((((d-land mama)))))
thank you (((((((((((Manda)))))))))))))
  #7  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 06:34 PM
Anonymous59365
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Dreamland/mama/professional
You have a huge heart to be doing the work you are even though it triggers you so badly. You are also very brave for attempting to help others and for disclosing your DID. It doesn't matter what name you give yourself; You are a hero.
Thanks for this!
Eriksplus
  #8  
Old Aug 11, 2009, 06:59 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calista+12 View Post
Dreamland/mama/professional
You have a huge heart to be doing the work you are even though it triggers you so badly. You are also very brave for attempting to help others and for disclosing your DID. It doesn't matter what name you give yourself; You are a hero.
Thank you for that

I'm very humbled. . .
  #9  
Old Aug 13, 2009, 03:44 AM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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Thank you so much everyone for all of your kind words of support. I can't begin to describe the feeling of being able to talk about all of this DID stuff so freely. . . It really is amazing. (I'm required to say that others inside do not find it amazing ) we'rrrrrrre vuneralble here tooo!!!! Yesterday, a worker from Children Services Division called me to discuss the case I mentioned earlier. Apparently they are going to open an investigation and wanted me to email photos that I had taken ...(sorry if too much information ) and she asked me lots of questions about what I knew. I'll here more as this progress but I don't know how to assimilate all of this. I'm on the verge of total decompensation. This is so scary for me because this issue has somehow affected me (or just tipped the scale that was already pretty full). I have to maintain professionalism in my job and I feel like I'm barely holding on by a thread. . .

******Trigger Warnig*********
we are nervous all the time becase d-land mama (thanks Manda!) has to talk to people who ask lots of questions about kids getting hurt and stuff and then she's scared and we're scared and we don't like hearing the yucky stuff over and over and then we cry and cry and the big girls get mad at everything. we don't want us to have to go to the court or to have to hear all this stuff again. and we cry at the picture. lots of new memrories last day and today and its too much to think about because we can't beleive that so many people could be so bad.
boy do we feel yucky. d-mama should sleep cause she gets up reaaaaaaaaaaallllllyyy tooo early!!!!! boy some of us don't like that at all especially if we've been up crying alot (she don't like that either)
bye

  #10  
Old Aug 13, 2009, 10:52 AM
Anonymous59365
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All I know is when I worked in a similar field, I had to compartmentalize everything. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. I found myself triggered almost constanly but it was never an option for me to disclose or express any form of discomfort at the situation.
If you have a "work self" put her in charge of all the triggery stuff and once you ar home and safe, "momma self" can come back in. It isn't easy at all but you need to take good care of yourself.
You're doing an amazing thing and without people like you, the world would be so much more sad.
  #11  
Old Aug 13, 2009, 06:49 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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. . .

came home from work. . . .couldn't handle it. . .tooooo many triggers

sorry to be so needy and messy
  #12  
Old Aug 13, 2009, 06:59 PM
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Miracle1986 Miracle1986 is offline
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me sorre u sad mis dreemland

luv
gabriella
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It is a miracle that I have survived thus far and I strive to help others see miracles in every day life.
  #13  
Old Aug 13, 2009, 07:03 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Manda86 View Post
me sorre u sad mis dreemland

luv
gabriella
we miss u tooooo! (and we miss us. . .don't know where we are right now)
  #14  
Old Aug 14, 2009, 01:19 AM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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everything is sad and hard and scary. . .



I don't know if I can do my job right now. feel stuck at a much younger age, tryinng to say somethings wrong but don't know how or who is safe. have to be a grown up and get through this. starting to unravel. . .
  #15  
Old Aug 14, 2009, 01:54 AM
Anonymous29368
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I know it isn't much but I'm here for you
  #16  
Old Aug 14, 2009, 03:26 PM
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pegasus pegasus is offline
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(((((((((( dreamland and all ))))))))))

Can you talk with your T about what is going on here. It does sound like you are needing extra support right now. If not, does your work provide supervision where you can discuss how you feel about your work? The one thing about people with DID is that we are able to deal with things very well under stressful situations but you do need to do good self (selves) care. I would think this is hard for the child parts within you to handle but they need to know that your professional self can deal with this.
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  #17  
Old Aug 14, 2009, 06:14 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pegasus View Post
(((((((((( dreamland and all ))))))))))

Can you talk with your T about what is going on here. It does sound like you are needing extra support right now. If not, does your work provide supervision where you can discuss how you feel about your work? The one thing about people with DID is that we are able to deal with things very well under stressful situations but you do need to do good self (selves) care. I would think this is hard for the child parts within you to handle but they need to know that your professional self can deal with this.
we're talking to T. Had 2 session this week and from now on. todays was brutal. i'm floeting. . .
working w/MH consultant at work for support too. . .
scared
lost
far away
  #18  
Old Aug 14, 2009, 06:41 PM
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dreamland dreamland is offline
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