I am so sick of losing time. I really almost feel like I can't stand it sometimes.

I have NO IDEA why I switch out all the time. There is nothing "bad" in my life. But I am CONSTANTLY looking back and having no idea what happened. It makes me sad because I have three awesome boys and I feel like I am missing their whole childhood. Or at least the part of me that is typing this right now is missing their whole childhood. For all I know, there is some other part of me that knows everything that is going on. I get so confused

And I don't know when I switch, so I don't know what my triggers are. All I know is I look back and everything is gone. I had this big realization today about love, not a bad thing, and I kind of think that might have triggered something, but I'm not sure.

And what really frustrating is that I'm not even sure who is typing this right now. If this is normal treehouse who posts here all the time, or not. I can't remember if there are times when I CAN remember what went on during the day. Like, maybe normal treehouse was there all day and I'm switched out RIGHT NOW and just this part of me can't remember.

I don't know if I am making ANY SENSE. I just get confused and frustrated. And just when I think I am starting to figure things out a little bit, I am always realizing that I'm just as confused as ever

[Elysium]

I hear your confusion!!

I'm sorry that I don't have anything I can say to make it better, but I am here for you Treehouse!!

Even though the you that is typing may feel like you are missing out on your son's life and on your life....please remember that there is a part of you that is always there. And someday...maybe those parts can learn to share more within the system.

((((())))) for you!!!

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((((((treehouse)))))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry. I so understand. My children are grown and I don't remember a lot of their lives. But the good news is that your children are young and you are getting help. Think about where you were last year and where you are now. You will get more and more of your life back as you heal.

Perhaps in the meantime, you can journal about your children. You never know what might be written down and it might help you have some memories of your children that you didn't know were there.

Please take gentle care of yourself as you work through this.

[Crew]

((((((Treehouse)))))

As confused as it seems...there really is a light at the end and sometimes knowing this sometimes helps.

You are a Survivor...the ones out around your boys, my system still protects me even though I'm co cons. Hang in there and when you can't hold onto the rope....come here or reward yourself with something that is nice or peaceful...These are things I did and was sure it wouldn't work and it is scary and alot of confusion happens.
Know we are thinking about you and sending you 8 pkgs. of strong rock climbing ropes for you to hang onto when you feel you can't anymore.

Good Luck and remember !
ThaCrew

now its today and yesterday is still gone. i guess its gone forever

does anyone ever remember things later from the time they lost??

sad
badboat
hurts
disapere

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by treehouse

now its today and yesterday is still gone. i guess its gone forever

does anyone ever remember things later from the time they lost??

Yea I remembered everything that was lost after I integrated.

[Fox]

{hugs if hugs are okay} I understand your confusion. I feel similar with my own experience since DD is so new to me. I dunno what I don't remember but there's times when I'm thinking back on my day of what I did and I sometimes don't remember if I went to work or not. Then the next time I go I look at my time card and see yep I went to work. I think I'm pretty co-conscious but now I dunno. I'm afraid of what I might be doing when I'm not aware, or is this even the "real" me? I hope the "real" me is a likable person. I don't know who it is though.

[Miracle1986]

(((((treehouse)))))

[Eriksplus]

Wishing for the best.
(Kay)Erik