[kerria]

we need ideas about what to do. Yesterday i had to appt and exam with pain management dr . His negativity and attempts to humiliate threaten and hurt me were successful. i can't understand why anything. i never want anyone to touch us again.
We're at a complete loss about what to do.
We went to appt with T afterwards -after going home because i thought if we changed clothes that i wouldn't hate myself so much. i hated myself so much more because T brought up all about f. and why we felt so s.
Then told us to go to er where there's no treatment or anything but torture- in the city where i live it's a useless nightmare there. now we're trying to - yes i guess we almost made it to morning. i hate myself so much . i wish that i could somehow find a T that wouldn't leave us in crisis and a way to find healing.
There isn't any hope. No one cares anymore inside- and outside they don't know how much we hurt. No one can help.
tears.
kerria

[silver_queen]

((((((((((((( kerria ))))))))))) (if ok)

that sounds so tough I'm sorry things are so difficult for you .

[Mahali]

Kerria,

I am so sorry. Is there anyway you can switch T and get to talk with somebody who knows anything at all?

It just seems like there would be somebody within the same agency or something. Talk to the management if you have to. Tell them what is happening. You have everyright to stand up for yourself and be treated with respect.

Take care and stat safe.

place

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((kerria))))))))))))))) (if ok)

These peoples inability to help do not reflect on you. You deserve to be respected!

Stay safe,
Fuzzy

[Monty_girl]

Kerria, I'm so sorry you were treated so badly. You deserve to be treated with respect. Are you able to speak to your T and let them know how their actions made you feel? Maybe if you can't physically say how you feel about the situation to your T maybe you can write a letter to them. You don't have to give it to them in person, but you can mail it. I think this is the first thing that I would do is to let my T know how they made me feel. Maybe they don't realize what they said and did effected you like it did. This is just an idea. But what ever you decide to do I wish you much Luck. Monty

[Jinsi]

I'm sorry you were treated so poorly ! To echo the other responses, you *DO* deserve to be respected and it's not your fault you werent, it's the ignorance people who shouldnt be in the helping field. I'm sorry that is harsh probably, we recently had very nasty ER experience an apparently I'm not over it yet
Just sitting quietly by listening....
Jinsi

[RhysMadison]

That is just unreal how people can be so ignorant of others' feelings. You deserve respect. Nobody has a right to abuse another. Changing T's would probably help. You need to find someone who understands your disorder & treats you as a human being. You deserve as much. Keep talking to us. We'll help all we can.
Love,
RhysMadison

[kerria]

Thank you so much for identifying (((Silver)))
(((place))), (((Fuzzy))), (((Monty))), (((Jinsi))) and (((RhysMadison))).

The pain dr and that whole issue is so triggering and terrible. When we went to t afterwards, T brought up how it related to how things were when we were little. T should have known that we were too much a wreck. i don't know why he leaves us in a dangerous place. we made it through somedays but everything is still so much a mess. We're having trouble with acting out of control. H. is angry with me and it gets us so so worse. We need supportive t. now because there's no one to pick up the pieces and i can't calm myself.

Place, my T specializes in DID and has been in that field for a long time- not knowing about DID tx
isn't the problem.
its more like not caring about what happens to me. It feels so bad to have the only support person in real life not be supportive. i've been seeing this T for five years- since my dx.

Monty, i can email T but he just says, "You know what you get with me".(he isn't going to change).
Going to t is the only way i know what parts are thinking and doing- we're so much a mess.- so it's even a worse mess if i don't go to t. i think anyways. It's so upsetting. i don't know why T is so unsupportive.
we called every T on the ISSD and Sidran list in my area and T is the only one who would take me.

RhysMadison and everyone, Thank you for being there. it was too painful to talk about it the last few days. we didn't go to ER, we got by but everything's falling apart at home. H. is angry . The way i act is so out of control because H triggers me.
It's too hard to work on trauma issues when there's present trauma at home and the situation with the pain dr and the pain. Some of my parts don't know what the pain is about- . it's so upsetting. we go through times when we're so upset. Spending money when shouldn't and getting things we didn't order. It's not fair because we didn't remember. It's a confusing mess.
Thank you so much for being there and understanding.
your friend,
kerria

[(JD)]

OK. I agree with the way Fuzzy put it: ( in essence their incompetence has no reflection upon your worth.)

Since you are staying with your T... you need to try and discuss it further with him, even though he says he won't change. That your T has strong parameters (boundaries) is EXCELLENT! And all your parts will come to appreciate and rely upon that in the future. BUT you all do need to understand why he does what he does, the way he does.

It should be in YOUR best interest ... and you need to know that. Yes, it will feel (at least to some part of you) that you are abandoned or unsupported some or much of the time. But there is probably a part that will eventually be able to help the others realize what a good job the T is doing for you... helping you learn to take care of yourself (while you are shuffling through the memories.)

Therapy is tough work! I'm sorry you are feeling it's toughness now.

There are ways to increase (or begin) the communication process within yourself (selves...) some place, some how, where each part can express in magazine pictures, drawings, words... what THEY think of how the T is treating them... or of the stuff that comes up. ONE of you probably knows the best way your "system" can do this... try and let that part show the rest of you...

That you are able to express your anger and frustration about your T is a sign of progress. It means you feel safe enough to disagree! (even if the reasoning might not be so accurate.)

Be safe.

[kerria]

Thank you, Sky- thank you, Fuzzy. It's so easy to think of ourselves as worthless with a dr like that. i don't know what to do about that whole situation because we need pain medicine.

still we haven't bonded with T in anyway- i still don't know if we'll keep the next appt- even after five years. We don't have enough inside of us to manage at these times. My family is really suffering . i came home from t to find the front door wide open and the cat lost. i found the cat and miraculously nothing was stolen but we were a terrible wreck and still are - leaving a mess behind everywhere we go. It's so hard not to hate my parts- so i can't comfort .

i hope that it will be as you said but it doesn't feel like it will now. This T loses patients too i think. i wish there were some kind of help IRL inbetween without resorting to ERs.