[JudeeB]

Two years ago the man I loved moved far away so his son could take care of him due to severe health problems. We'd been in relationship for over 12 years at that point. I have truly missed him. He was the only person in my whole life I trusted and felt safe with. He knew my alters and saw us through many difficult years of therapy. He stood at my side when my youngest child was killed in an accident.

Yesterday I got the call that he had passed away in his sleep Sunday morning. I haven't told anyone, not even my roommate. I can't cry. I just feel sad but shut down.

Very few people in my life at this time know about the DID and the few who do don't really understand and avoid the topic. I feel very alone. Guess my fear is that if I tell them they will expect me to act in a certain way, what is considered normal, and I'm not in that space.

Thought you guys may understand. Thanks for being here.
Judy and Company

[iamtwilight]

hi Judy and everyone,

first of all i'm sorry for your loss. it is a huge loss to lose someone you really trust and felt safe enough with. i'm sorry you're having to go through this and not have understanding people around.

yeah, not feeling is familiar. it is kind of safe in a remote way... things that are really huge deals, like this right here, can really shake the ground beneath our feet. i think your mind is trying to make the shake more like a gentle vibration so you won't fall down.

safe hugs if that's okay,
twilight

[Hunny]

JudeeB,

My condolences go out to you. Although I don't know you too well, I have read some of your posts. To lose a person who has been through so much with you and known you must be so scary. Not having other irl people who get it makes it even harder.

Seems like you are in shock and therefore kind of numb. Time will be the thing to just kinda get in touch with your sadness.

So glad you thought to come back to PC for some support. I'm sure others who know you more will be responding soon too.

Hunny





.

[sabby]

Oh (((((((((((((((((Judee))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so very sorry for your loss hon. I think Hunny is right that you are in a state of shock right now and emotions will come in time as you are more ready to deal with them.

How you are feeling now and what you will be feeling in the future is normal, it's normal for YOU. I truly hope that no one will put on you how they think you should be acting or feeling. Everyone grieves in their own personal way and should be respected, not expected to be otherwise.

I hope you can take this time to take good care of yourself. Be patient with yourself and your process. Post when you need to and know whatever you need to say is perfectly ok and normal.

Warm and Gentle 's to you.

JudeeB
I'm so sorry for your loss. That must feel like your world is falling down.
I always wonder what other people believe is "normal" for us with DID.
You don't need to act in any certain way. What ever you feel is true. You may be in shock from the news, or your system shut down in order to cope. I understand how other people act as though DID was the plague or something...just don't talk about it and it won't exist...NOT.
We are here for you no matter what you're feeling. You aren't alone.

[Luce]

I am so sorry to hear this, Judee. Your collective sense of loss must be huge. it sounds like this man meant so much to so many of you.

Grief strikes everyone differently, and numbness is a typical part of the process. I know the people I have supported through grief have all reacted differently, and I have never thought that one type of reaction was 'more normal' than another. The loss of someone close to us throws us so far off base that I think any sense of 'normal' goes out the window. What is, is. However a grieving person is, is exactly how that grieving person needs to be.

This news is so new for you, and there are many stages of grieving that you have yet to cycle through. And they WILL come. In days, or weeks or years - who knows? But I hope you can trust in your own process and know that whatever you feel right now is simply how you NEED to feel (or not feel) in this moment.

Just please remember that with grief there is no 'normal'. There is only a human being in deep emotional pain, and the range of ways that pain is expressed (or not expressed) is unique to every one of us. The people who can offer you support in your life may not understand about DID, but they can probably empathise with grief. I hope you can feel safe enough to share your shock and struggle with someone close to you.
Take care.

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((((JudeB))))))))))))))) I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt like similar when my husband died. Please take gentle care.

[multipixie9]

(((JudeeB))) sorry for your loss.

[genn]

((((((((judee)))))))))

Sorry for your lost hun

genn

Originally Posted by JudeeB

Two years ago the man I loved moved far away so his son could take care of him due to severe health problems. We'd been in relationship for over 12 years at that point. I have truly missed him. He was the only person in my whole life I trusted and felt safe with. He knew my alters and saw us through many difficult years of therapy. He stood at my side when my youngest child was killed in an accident.

Yesterday I got the call that he had passed away in his sleep Sunday morning. I haven't told anyone, not even my roommate. I can't cry. I just feel sad but shut down.

Very few people in my life at this time know about the DID and the few who do don't really understand and avoid the topic. I feel very alone. Guess my fear is that if I tell them they will expect me to act in a certain way, what is considered normal, and I'm not in that space.

Thought you guys may understand. Thanks for being here.
Judy and Company

[Asylum Crew]

so sorry for your loss

Ella

[DLHsSystm]

I understand the feeling of shutdown. IRL people not understanding too. We are also very sorry for your loss and glad you could post here about your feelings and confusion about "normal". I feel sharing your relationship and what it meant to you is a tribute to this man. Now I know of one more kind soul who was here and did care. I hope the small parts of you can remember and cherish their trust in him as you do.