A form of depersonalization?

It has been suggested to me that what I am about to describe is a form of dissociation (depersonalization) and I would just like to hear the viewpoints of others on it.

It's just to do with the exams I have to take at university. I am towards the end of my first year now and exams are upon us, unfortunately . I have to take a speaking exam in German on Friday morning. I know I should be freaking out about this since it has always been my weakest point in my languages and I have never done well (in the last oral exam I took two years ago I got an E, and my performance will definitely not have improved since then).

So I have good reason to be panicking over this and feverishly studying about questions I might be asked (we are meant to be aiming to be as fluent and natural as possible!)... right? Instead... I'm not doing anything. Part of this can be contributed to my low motivation due to depression etc. But also... it doesn't feel like I am going to have an exam at all. I know I have it on Friday (tomorrow!) but it just doesn't feel like it is going to happen. It will also be exactly the same tomorrow morning as well, before and when it takes place.

I realized a few hours ago that this feeling has plagued my exam success for years now. Since my first exams at 16 years old (I'm 20 now) I have had the same feeling, and it has got worse over the years. In my exams at 16, I barely studied until a last-minute cramming the night before when I realized that the exam was going to take place the next morning. For my exams at 18 - exams which would dictate my entrance into university - I honestly did not do any studying for exams at all - just a last-minute studying of notes. I remember sitting in my history exam *still* not feeling like the exam was taking place and wondering why I was there, more or less.

So it all comes down to me struggling to believe that an exam is going to take place even when it is taking place/ is about to take place. Denial, maybe? This means it is difficult to motivate myself to study (as it it wasn't already!) since it seems pointless to study for something that isn't going to take place - that is how it feels, though I know that's not true. When I was lower down in the school and the end of year exams were not important, it *did* feel like exams were going to take place, and I studied for them. Just for some reason, as I grew older, that changed. I don't know why .

I'm not sure if this is a question about motivation, denial or dissociation - but I thought I might as well write it in here anyway

(((((((((( silver )))))))))))

Hey silver ... I recently found out I suffer from sever dp and I found some really helpful sites that maybe you might find helpful.

Take care
Eva

www.dpseflhelp.com
www.dpersonalization.info
www.dreamchild.net
on this site she has some great links.

also i read this book and found it to be excellent and she has a site.

www.strangerinthemirror.com

These questions are always hard to ask as we are not professionals here & most of us have a wide variety of symptoms. Like me, I don't fit in some categories 'cos I don't fit the criteria all the way. This is something a T would have to help you answer.
I do credit you for having a starting grasp on how you are feeling, what is being felt inside.
For me, things never feel real. i.e. I'm married, have been for 6 years, have a ring, but unless my husband is here w/ me, I don't "remember". I don't know if that's along the lines of what you are saying. I always called mine that "outta sight, outta mind".
Love,
RM

Yes, Silver, denial & dissociation are often related. I think the denial is a milder form. I relate totally to what you are saying about not studying for exams. PMing you about techniques I learned to apply. Wasn`t clear in chat what I meant. Learned the hard way, hope you don`t have to.
(((((silver))))) Good luck if the German oral wasn`t your last exam.

Hi silver_queen,

i don't know much psych terminology but the same thing- not thinking that the test was real- always happened to us when we were attending school. It's because a part of mine was the student ay school. i couldn't study even while at home- i had to physically GO to school and switch and then my notes made sense. Otherwise it was exactly like trying to understand someone else's notes. It was so so difficult at school because the student part did all the writing for the courses like English 101, etc and i never recognized the papers i received back. It was so upsetting. That's when i found that i had DID.

Of course the test isn't going to happen- it's not your test- it's your Part that goes to school. Let her/him go to school to study and she'll have a better time concentrating and feeling up for the test. Just bring the body to school.

Anyways- that's what helped us.

Take care,
kerria