[darkpurplesecrets]

In utter silence I sit, except these voices within afraid and unsure. I look inward and see those within afraid to reach, afraid to be heard. And without those feelings grab ahold of this person who tries so hard to hide what is screaming silently so no one knows. And afraid I come here to try to release what I feel is something that wants me to end me. A feeling that is really strong, yet I am afraid to let anyone know.

This feeling of aloneness swallows you even though there are people around. Their mouths moving yet at times you strain to hear as others step in the way blocking the possible words that may be the very thing you need to hear. The very thing to keep you going. The very feeling that maybe you are not alone.

So many within trapped by those that are programmed to stop hope. Taking positive words and turning them away. Little's afraid where safety once was. Asking who they can trust. Reaching out yet retracting just as fast. Wanting so much to believe in good yet confused as to what to believe. And myself reaching out through fear and questions to try to make sense of what is taking place within but afraid no one will listen or care to hear. And the understanding that we do not have, how can we expect anyone else to understand.

How could this happen? What evil is so present that makes one leave themselves just to survive? That breaks one down to the point that another steps in filled with messages that ones own self would never do and does not know exists for years to come.

That stays silent until the time that one reaches out and begins to open up to heal, getting to the truth and slapped back before one even understands what has happened. And once again the fear entraps every core of your being and words make no sense. Your thoughts jumble even faster than usual, and you are left at times wondering what just happened as things around you are puzzled and you are so afraid.

Little ones asking why, you pulling away for fear, and those within not really of yourself laughing at the chaos it has left you. What just happened you ask yourself as you step back to reality----tears streaming down your face. And a blank slate of time stares back at you with no answers. Something is happening, and the memory is lying there wide open and you are terrified as the one who holds it gives it back.

But silence is all you can show, hoping------just hoping that feeling will lift, and you will still be here. This is something we have not shared with anyone. For the fear is too great. And you try so hard to hide behind a face--a smile, so no one will see. We are afraid----I am afraid. Silently----I cry.

dps

[Hunny]

DPS

Welcome back from you recent time away. You sent us word about you from Sabby and it was a relief to hear your news.

You are going to feel better and be okay soon hopefully...thank you for telling us how it is for you internally. Some of your descriptions remind us we're not alone.

[silentandscared]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( DPS )))))))))))))))))))))))))

I hear your words and feel your pain remembering that those feelings can return any time to us. This is something l wrote about a year ago when l was feeling something very similiar to you are right now

It doesnt matter how hard l try
You just won't come outside
And each and every time you cry
I want to run and hide.
The pain and sadness sweep through me
I know you feel it too
My only wish right now
Is that l knew just what to do.
All these people always there
Fighting to survive
Wondering and searching
So they dont have to hide.
I wish that someone would see me
And help you all to see
All that we ever want
Was to be finally set free.

My friend l know right now it is dark, scary and lonely where you are, and l so understand the confusion that you are feeling, not remembering, asking for help but then needing to retreat. Know that we see you, we hear you, we care and we will always listen and support you all in any way that we can. Every day that you continue to battle and fight is another day nearer to giving to those that block HOPE some Hope. You hold that Hope for them you may not think it of feel it but you do.............you reach out on their behave, you tell us how they feel and what they are scared off, you let us come to you and sit with you to offer support and comfort in those darkest times.
Know that we are here.............know we sit at your side...............know we offer support and comfort when and if you should need it......... know that the others WILL break through this wall of silence, slowly, anxiously,gently but most of all NEVER alone

If you need us PM us..............and im not just saying that ok?
You will remain in my thoughts and prayers for peace and safety within
Love to you all
Mandy xx

gentle safe hugsfor you all

[3eyesofwisdom]

Hey,
I feel I understand, yet I may not. I don't know what you been threw, only things I have been through. New years a huge memory surfaced. It was disturbing. I have information to ruin those around me. So I want to share my excitement but still I cannot share my story, at least not with them. Don't give up. The people here will listen. I am dealing with a lot with this new memory so I may not be back awhile. And when others take over I don't come here. Don't give up. Someone will finally hear you, and even understand. It is finally happening for me. Someone finaly listened.
They say people aren't as scary as we make them out to be. With what I know now I am starting to believe it. I don't know you, but if you are not in therapy I recommend it. It took me over 7 years in therapy to finally quit talking about the weather. But when I actually talked of my life it was received well and I was shown compassion. I believe therapy works, but if you find someone you resonate with, it works the best.
I know I haven't unlocked the worst. But at least now I have some xanax to help. It is not our faults bad things happened to us. Please keep trying. When the storm is over the rainbow will be so beautiful. I empathise with you. Sure I do not know what you are going through, but I know part of what I went through. I wish no one had to go through those things. Even if you have to take it 5 minutes at a time, do. Then you can eventually make it longer and longer. I started with seconds at a time. Now I can almost get through a whole week.
You will be heard. You will be understood. Just don't give up.

[anderson]

(((((DPS))))) thank you , we all thank you. All of us know the hiding behind the mask until we can hide no more. We cry not only for us but for you to. Please remember you are not alone even when the pain makes you feel that way. please come back for you have helped me to stand up so many times with your words and wisdom.may the you all be able to feel and hear the words spoken to you here. my wise friend.

[krazy_phoenix]

Thank you so much for sharing...I have the similar experience of one that wants us to end it, sometimes plaguing my thoughts that it blocks all else...hard to continue on those days. Please know that you are not alone in your battle. Keep striving for survival, it will be worth it. Life is amazing as you know. Strengthen your armour for deflection of negativity, but leave it permeable to emitting love to your saboteur. Please keep sharing with us...
In love and peace,
kp