Feeling so afraid...................................

Tonight we are sitting here and feeling so afraid. Like the wind blowing non-relentingly outside so is the fear and loss within our hearts. The howling and whistle sounds that are being heard are echoing throughout our selves and it is reminding us of those times it was where we could not get out and the cold we felt that just grabbed our insides and would not let go.

Many within are shivering and I find myself unable to get warm. Fear entangling every part of us and pulling us away from feeling connected at all. Wanting to hide and feeling like there is no place safe right now. Not even in our home. Tears trying to fall yet almost freezing in time where tears were not even possible and time just stood still.

Trying to ground and feeling so overwhelmed by thoughts that are reaching through this cold and wrapping themselves around us. Littles one huddling together as best they can and feeling every motion like it is all we can do to move. When will this stop? When will we feel safe? When will the fear let go?

Time seems to almost stand still and we want it to pass into day. Nights are the worst and it feels as though this night will never end. The rain hitting the window and falling down the glass pane feels like the glass house we have built around our heart and the tears that seem to get trapped inside where no one can hear them.

We are scared and trying to find safety. Maybe writng this will at least give way to our thoughts. And someone will know we are here. Can anyone hear us?

dps and insides

((((((dps))))))

Last night we had that 'shivering cold'. Even the hottest bath takes to fill the tub a couple of time to warm and sometimes more than one a day. So cold.

We understand that cold.

Love,
Hunny

.

Right now we are sitting here trying to feel safe. We keep coming and going like it is all we can do right now to find some sort of safety. Anything to feel something but this cold. This cold shooting through our very being. The howling winds keep knockingus off line, the televison keeps losing signal, the lights keep going on and off, and the sirens keep going up and down. All too close to something we have been through. All too close to those who hurt and who did not care.

We cannot find any warmth and we keep feeling like something is about to happen. Just like when we used to wait and watch. It is not good and we are all scared. And we cannot reach out and we cannot reach in. The howling winds sopund like they are right in our place and they relentlessly are strong and we feel so afraid.

Things are not okay right now. We are trying so hard but it is not okay. Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay, please be okay.

..............................................

the cold that you can't get warm is the worst kind of cold
I know what that is like as well...
but I'm sorry you are so afraid tonight
I wish I could help but I just don't know what to say

trapped we feel so trapped right now. please stooooooopppppppppp. so afraid.

............................................

I'm sorry you are feeling so cold and alone.
You will be ok, it might not feel like it now but you will.
You are not in the place that you were before, the place the wind reminds you of.
You are safe, take some deep breaths and look around you, what do you see? what can you feel, smell etc? You are in a safe place, you are in control now, you can choose what to do. What would make you feel safe? Can you do it? Go and lie in your bed and cuddle a stuffed toy? Do you have any animals you could sit with and pet? If you would feel safer taking your duvet under a table or under the stairs then do it.
Ground yourself and do whatever you need to do for you.
(((((DPS)))))

Thank you for listening. The wind has ceased and the light has come back. And a memory has surfaced. Sorry we were so upset and lost. Though the darkness remains outside we now have power back. Sleep has not come once again but we were able to write out what was happening for the first time ever. Terrified within still as we remember. But for the first time touching a place where darkness filled and silence held the very words that were hidden. We are trying.

dps

(((dps and insides))

DPS, we feel the cold to. the only time we be warm form the cold that come with the memiors is sitting in a hot tub that is 102 or sitting by fireplace that is going full force. we hope that all within will find peace.

Oh dps, ((((((((((((((((((((((((((dps))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so glad that some light has come and you can see you are in the here and now. I fear that horrible trembling body-core cold, I fear that wind that howls my name as it blows at my house where I mostly feel safe, and I fear the unquenchable thirst that comes to me no matter how much water I drink. I understand the gut-wrenching angst that overwhelms, that makes us want to 'go home' even though we 'are home', when nothing we see around us makes sense or makes us feel any better. But for us, then the sun returns, and it is the sun that makes me warm. I moved state to follow the sun and be where it is warmer, to a place where there is plenty of water around me with the lake and the ocean and sun to warm and soothe my soul. Although here too I still have times where I want to 'go home' where the cold still finds me, but the sun comes quicker for longer here and the times I am afraid are less. I hope that you too find your sun, that you are able find a 'cure for your cold', even if it is a temporary one to help you through the immediate darkness. I hope you are ok now.

kp