I'm Vicki, I'm 16. I can't let pandora's box open. I sit on it so none of the feelings come out. But it is getting us all into trouble. Our person called the T yesterday because I was all upset. Then the T called when I was just about to throw up. I do that. Or I don't eat. We haven't been eating good because of me. Our person doesn't want to do that she said. I just don't know how to deal. I don't want to deal. There's stuff in there that's really bad. If I let the feelings and the memories out, I think that the Little One will die. She can't deal with
anything. Our T called just when I was going to throw up. **** it's the only way to
get rid of this feeling in my stomache and the choking in my throat. I want to do it but my person said to ask you all what to do. I can do this cause none of you can see me or know me. I'm not sure you are all safe, but it doesn't matter. I just want *her* off my back!
Vicki.

[kimmydawn]

hi there. it's good to meet you. i'd like to say that you're very brave. you have a very important job it seems to me. i do have to say as well, that a job of such magnitude would require massive emotional and physical strength and, because of that, the body needs to be properly nourished. i would say that's probably why you're having such a hard time with your job right now.

you are very intelligent. i can tell. you must get creative to find a healthy way to deal with the "get rid of this feeling in my stomache and the choking in my throat" feeling. there are certain healthy foods that can help that. however, for your most important job, the body needs nourishment, for you continue to do well.

also, you can do some "relaxation", and imagine the stomach and throat relaxed and calm. it sounds stupid i know, but it works. you should have your person talk to t about that, and she can tell you what you can do. until then tho, try to manage...your job is too important . you have to remain on top of things. you need nourishment to do so.

i hope this helps.

kd

kd- You seem nice. Are you a grown up?? I don't mind grown ups too much as long as they don't start comming down on me with lots of you better do this and you gotta do that. I don't mind watching over the Little One--we all watch after her. She tried to come out at therapy and deedee had to step in and take over, Little One doesn't know what is going on. She can't know either. She is just really sad and knows life is very unsafe. She is curled up tight, sucks her thumb and hugs her teddy. If she does start to come out, deedee will protect her, 'cept she isn't very good with grown ups and gets stupid like. Someone else has to make sure she doesn't get into a real fix. She has, man, and what a mess that was!!! I have to hold down the lid on the box 'cause all the bad stuff is in the box. Our person's therapist wants to open it and work on stuff. I can't let that happen. I'm too scared that if it all blows apart it will all be my fault. Like a whole bunch of Humpty Dumpties all over the place. SPLAT!!! Yukk.

I had a salad for lunch. I played solitare so I wouldn't go throw up. I stayed out today just to hang out. My person has to work with a client tonight so I have to keep watch on the inside. So now I have to go.

It was nice talking to you. I'll try to come back.
Vicki

[fgh]

hey i'm only 14 so maybe you don't want a kid telling ya anything, that's up to you. i used to cut all the time, not bad you know but enough always enough arms thighs you name it because it made me feel better about all the crap going on with the adults. the t it didn't bother him a whip maybe it did but he didn't let on if it did he even let me show and accted interested in me and why i felt so bad. so anyway maybe if you share with your t all the feelings and stuff as muchas you can then you can tell t instead of puking you know?

i write too i write lots of gory stuff sometimes and also i do pasted pictures and i let jj do some too sometimes cuz it makes her better too. i wrote some stuff recently like petunia just did, only for our circles and sent to the t the way he acted i guess it upset him cuz he repeated that i had written that i feel i'm already dead to him. been feeling more like cutting again so i guess i should talk to t some. it's been like forever since i have zuc we tried to let the adults figure things out and they are useless if you aks me i tried the puking thing but it didn't do snuff for me unless it was to really irk someone else in the circles. but adults eat the tums like they're going out of style and what do i care? i think t thinks somebody is always causing whatever is going on with us and like nothing is just because it's a human body you know? i hate being blamed for everything. nona (cuz i have no name)

[fgh]

that's really neato to hear about fury i used to read lots but rarely get time to think anymore so what's the use? yet i'm not looking for pandora's box especially if someone is sittingon it if you now what i mean. looks like it's under control to me. nona

Hey Fury, what's the White Iris story?? What ???s does it create?? It's my person's sign in name. Sounds interesting.
I like Desiderata. Maybe I'll print it out and keep it.
I don't puke much anymore. I do take laxatives they don't work as fast though. It's hard to keep all this stuff in one place. Maybe Pandora's box isn't the right picture to use. But it's like a box. Everything is in there. I have to make sure it doesn't come out. Some of the secrets got out and now it's hard to hold all the rest in. I am really afraid of some of the stuff. Our T says that nothing will hurt us again. But I think that if all of it comes out someone will get hurt. Then I get blamed for it all. Always it's my fault.
Vicki

[jmo531]

((((((((((((((((Vicki)))))))))))))))))

You and the others are safe here. I promise. Hugs to you and all the others.

Jen

My person has a Van Gogh picture on the wall. It has one white iris among a bunch of blue ones. Someone told her that the iris meant "different". Have any idea on that one??
Vicki