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#1
May 04, 2010, 11:02 AM
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 We barffing !!!!! Some dirt bag took one of the Dalmatian safety issue and used it against us. The Dalmations would glance at the men’s pants to make sure they did not have intentions in hurting us. This went from a safety to a hazard because someone told some one that was our way to invite them. How gross is that. That is one of the main reasons why we no go to work. It some how became common practice that those of authority thought we needed to look at their privates eewwweeeewww How gross……………………… It just gets us how stupid people can get when they think that what they are doing will not be remembered or no will care about how deprived they are. We are so vomiting at this fact to hear someone tell another oh ya if she talks about certain topics just put your privates in her face. These dark souls must really be sick to even think that is even wanted or desired we are so sick of these people. ~This was also one of the main reasons we stopped talking with the people that we call Papa and Mama Bears. They believed in lies that hurt us and made us not want none near us no more. ~That’s why we got so angry at them they no longer wanted to have a safe platonic relationship with us but still be there when we be in crisis. ~Some ask why we no come to them when we be scared but if you no want to talk and gain our trust how are we suppose to know that you no hurt us when we be scared. ~That why we get so mad at the mential health here. They be the ones that started the trend of no communication between those we trusted. They help those that wanted to hurt us by making those we trusted believe we have no memoirs that we share. ~Now that we are sharing more and more we just wish that we could physically kick some butt for all the damage that they caused not only to us but to those that helped us until we no longer felt safe them.
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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#2
May 04, 2010, 11:09 AM
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 The roller coaster of internal convestations. ~~~~~~~~~~Going UP~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sharing the good feeling of events. At our Sunday gathering, we had an opportunity to be with people that we trusted and have a good time. There was a couple of dark souls there. But the good guys kept them in check and allowed us to feel safe and protected. ~~~~~~~~~~Leveling out~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``` Those inside felt that if we could have this at Sunday gatherings then we should be able to do so with others that we trusted…… Went to a person that we trust but know that he had heard bad info so we took a chance to see if we could get him to just get to know us…………….. .................Going UP and Down on the ride……………. Said yes, I should have seen it coming acted like a first class jerk…….. Those with in dropped………………………………. WE cut….. How can we even think about going back to work if we can not even get those that we know not to hurt to let us in their life……………………………….we bottom out,........................... there is a fate worst then death, being abuse and no one willing to put a stop to it, even more so being aware of it and yet outsiders act as if it is kosher to abuse some one if they have no memoir of the events… …………………............................................. .............Starting to calm down on a straight stretch …………………. The gathering……..Those that sit around deciding my fate but has only one person talking to my face as others sit around to listen to my / answers………….. This is where we tell the person that we have lived a lie for 10 years because no one would take custody of our son. This hit all of us putting a number on it and saying it out loud hit us in the gut… ................…..the floor dropped out from under us……. More cutting………………. We told the person even if half the people that clamed what they did lied, The fact that it did happen still hurts and we want out of the game……………….. Next thing we know we had buttons pushed………. Found out that one of the Dalmatians’ safety checks had been used against us…… The Dalmatians would do a safety check on the men by checking their privates to make sure that they did not have the wrong intention towards our body………….. We found out that some where someone told that it was an invite not a way to see if we needed to make a run for it……………………. Going up………..someone spent time with us to help us feel safe again……… even got to see some real Papa and Mama Bears……………. Dalmatians like it but realized that we still had a problem how can we support our selves if what we consider safety checks where going to be used against us… …………………… ..level part of the ride but it went Up and down.............. as those with in processed this information ……. Went to our Sunday gathering we were accepted and they did try to make us feel welcome but still we had some within feeling what is the use of being accepted here if we can not get it out in the community…… ….. Not only that but two dark souls where there and we were not able to just ignore them they represented the population that believed it was kosher to have sex with a person that had could not remember it. These were the ones that cried fowl but where the ones that enjoyed the power rush of making a person do what they would not normally do. ………………………….. Sound off more to a friend that we felt comfortable with about the unfairness of being the victim but still being made to feel like it was my /our fault………. These people made others feel like they were the victume and that we where suppose to carry the weight of abuse and that we forced them to hurt us……………………… That is so back wards ……….. They just passed a law here that says all Hispanic needs to carry their papers with them to prove that they are citizen or legal residence……. The debate is who carries their papers and why do they have to prove it or be deported…….. Our question is why do we have to endure this when all that is held against us is word of mouth and panic attacks……….. Now if we had these should it not have proven that we are the victims not those that where around us at the time that we had a melt down …… In a court of law there has to be physical evidence but when it comes to rumors the louder the better and no proof is needed just a large enough group of people willing to support it …………… We are just stressed out because we do have people that do hear us but it is always the ones that hurt us that make us feel not wanted because we have to be the ones to prove fawl………… PC world has defiantly been a grounding place for us to come to terms with the rules that we have to live with and not feel so alone with the cards that we have been dealt with………….
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
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#3
May 05, 2010, 01:58 AM
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Anderson,
Here's to holding your head till you are better, giving you a healing cloth and just sitting with you. Hunny
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 “Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” Albert Einstein |
 anderson
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#4
May 05, 2010, 06:35 AM
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((((((((((anderson)))))))))))
we are listening, we are hearing you.  kp
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Such Is Life - Ned Kelly
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| anderson
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#5
May 05, 2010, 03:07 PM
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Just sitting here and rocking those within.
 Praying for the time that we can sleep just thinking of the stars and northern lights.  ....... .........
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
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#6
May 05, 2010, 08:18 PM
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What a soothing thought, stars, northern lights and rocking...
Maybe I will join you with my own hammock... that is, if you don't mind. Hunny
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#7
May 05, 2010, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
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#8
May 05, 2010, 11:52 PM
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((((anderson))))
Sorry you are feeling so alone and that you are going through so much right now. We do understand the feeling of those that continue on and seem to never get caught, never have to answer for what they do, never have to be accountable to anyone. Someday they will and they will not be able to look away but have to face everything they have done and no longer be able to gather anyone to protect or stand up for them. Until then, we stand together with you and we hear you and we care. We validate how you feel and want you to know that you have a right to your feelings. Know that we are sitting quietly with you and we are listening. Someday it will be safe and you will look out to the stars and northern lights and those within will have no need to fear anything. Hoping that time comes soon. We care and validate your feelings. Please keep reaching out for we are listening. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.  dps  
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| anderson, Hunny
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#9
May 06, 2010, 04:51 AM
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Anderson, I read your posts and can't help but think it seems so incredibly unsafe where you are. Do you think you can ever gain external or internal safety in this place?
I think there are so few people in the world who actually understand DID and can be trusted to not abuse this knowledge. From what you write it really doesn't seem like the people you are with are capable of this. The rollercoaster ride of hope and disappointment in relation to these people just doesn't seem worth it. Do you think, one day, you will be in a position to find true safety elsewhere? |
| anderson, darkpurplesecrets, Hunny
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#10
May 06, 2010, 10:58 AM
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(((((DPS)))))
Thank you for being here. This last group of understanding of why people treat us the way they do sucks. But with each understanding we now have the knowledge to change our reaction to how others treat us. But those here give us the sercuity to look within and find the truth. Safe hugs from all of us to all of you. ((((Lucy))))) We tried but each time we left we had a part bring us back. We are still looking within to find a way to get the part that keeps bring us back here. But we are also are now able to more active on our recovery because the old threats no longer work and WE feel like we are getting through to the true Papa and Mama Bears and getting them to understand that what others are telling them is not true. I know it is hard for some one that has not been programed by server abuse to understand some things but the fact that we are finely remembering the abuse and the control triggers is a sign that we are gaining our freedom from fear of worse abuse. It is scary but all within us would rather live free then live in free that someone is still hurting us without the others knowledge. Safe hugs from all of us to all of you.
__________________
Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson
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