[Monty_girl]

I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamed that I beat the crap out of one of my abusers. Just like picking up the end tables and hitting him with them. Just anything I could get my hands on I was hitting my abuser with it. I had him down on the ground and just hitting him. Has anyone else had these kind of dreams? It was very intense and enjoyable.

T will be like a kid in the candy store tonight with this dream.

[Miss_A]

Monty_girl, I had a dream the time like that except another way round . Good, that you got to fight back at your attacker in your dream. Seems to be you have once more taken control of your own life!

(((((((((((((((Safe hugs for Monty-girl))))))))))))))))

LC

[Monty_girl]

That's the way my dreams had always been before Miss_A. I had never fought back in my dreams until now. It gave me a lot of control and power.
I wish you didn't have the bad dreams. I know how hard they are.
Monty

[Monty_girl]

TY (((((((((((((((((((((( Safe Hugs back to ya LC )))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Monty_girl]

Told my T last night about my dream. He just laughed and said how great that was. Said that it's very healthy to want to hurt the ppl who hurt you so bad. He told me to keep beating him up in my dreams and to beat up any of the other ones who hurt me as well in my dreams. Says it's a great way to deal with the anger we have towards them. Don't think I could ever be strong enough in person to do stand up to the abusers. But I can have a field day in my head doing it. Have so much anger right now for my abusers. T has tried really hard to express my anger while in T, but I can't verbally express it right now, or even physically. It's seems like the anger is swelling up inside so much right now. I can feel it wanting to explode out. I've been in such a mean mood towards everyone I'm around. I'm trying not to say anything to bad to ppl I Love. So if I say anything mean to anyone here, I'm sorry, not meaning it right now.
Monty

(((((((((( GUMBY ))))))))))

My bendy-friend. I know of these anger dreams. I went through a rough time of it when I was abusing myself in the dreams. I was the abuser, attacking myself.

Anger is a tricky devil.

T wants me to beat up her sofa with the green, plastic bat. Can't do it. Seems brutal.

The sofa, or as I like to call her, Sofie, didn't do anything to me.

Petunia

[Monty_girl]

((((((((((((((((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))))))))))))))

Yeah, my T has the clay and paper to beat on and rip up. The thing that I really can't do is yell at the empty chair that's suppose to have an abuser sitting in it. Don't really want an abuser in my safe place there.

Anger= bad. Tends to become self directed. T asked last night if I wanted to stay a few days in the hospital. Said not right now. We are dealing with it as it comes. Just hard.

Ty for the hugs my flowery friend. Your bendy green friend, Gumby_gal

Anger is very scary to me.

Anger = Hate.

It used to surface in the form of self-abuse.

It still does but not in violent ways, more like lack of self-care.

Lately it has surfaced in the form of tears.

I can't do the abuser-chair either. For the same reason.
Maybe if I get over the self-hate someday, I'll be able to express my anger towards those who deserve it.

But some are dead now.
And those that are left... I don't know how to handle.

(((( Bendy-green-gal ))))

((((Petunia))))
I know what you mean about the anger. I turn it inside still.
Sorry you are hurting so much. I don't know you very well yet but I have seen enough to know that you are vey special.

[Mahali]

Monty,

Sounds like a healthy response to me. I don't have many dreams. Lots of anger though.

Take care.

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