I'm the bad one.
They didn't know about me before.
I'm the one who feels angry and mad.
I'm the one who wants to hurt the people who make LC and Big C sad. I want to tell the mother and father how horrible they have been and how what they have done hurt LC and Big C too. I want to tell the people who said they were friends all the ways they upset Big C because she was too nice. I want to tell them the things they did were WRONG. I don't trust at all. I don't say nice words when I feel bad ones. I want to hurt other people who have hurt my friends. I can't get out very much but when I do - WATCH OUT if you hurt my friends. If you don't hurt them then you don't need to be scared of me at all.
THE BAD ONE

[allthegirls6]

Hello! I like the sound of you! I do all the shouting adn screaming for my lot. Oh you do sound like an interesting person to know. I dont think you should say nice things if thats not how you feel. I dont trust many people. Im always looking out for tricks people might play on me.

Adele

Hi
I'm Vicki. I wish I could get out all the stuff I feel inside. Most of it is angry and sads. I fight too. I protect my friends from bad people too. The T we go to is trying to help me with the angry and sads. I don't think you are BAD. At least that's what I'm told when I am feeling all that angry stuff.
Vicki

Hello Adele.
They have never let me out before. NOw I have got out I am staying out and I am going to get some people. Some people who shouldn't have been so cruel. The others still won't let me do everything I want to but I am working on it.
I don't do anything to people who haven't hurt LIttle C and Big C. You don't need to worry.
The Bad One.

[allthegirls6]

Have you got a name? Are you going to be careful? Dont want to be upsetting the others do you?

You sound interesting to me. Have you got a dolly?

Adele

Hi Vicki
I'm sure your T is right that you are not bad. I nearly let my T see me today - she doesn't know me yet. Then she would know that I have the right name. She said it was OK to feel bad but the others said it wasn't and it was dangerous to let me out. I don't feel sad - it is just Big and LIttle C who are sad. I am ANGRY. I know taht means I am bad but I don't care. I am tired of all the people who have laughed at us and made fun of us. All the people who have pretended to be our friends and then, when someone else tells lies about us, they believed the lies. I'm angry with the people who we tried to help who threw us away when they had used up all the help, or who told us we were silly and wrong when we disagreed with them. I am tired of people who say we did things that they did themselves. I am ANGRY.
The Bad One
The Angry One.

My name is The Bad One. I don't have another name. Not yet.

Noone here needs to be upset by me. I'm not angry with them. They don't even have to see me.

No I don't have a dolly. I don't need one. I can't have one anyway because I am too bad.
The Bad One.

[allthegirls6]

Hello the bad one. I didnt mean that you would upset others here, I meant you might upset the others that are with you. Im not vey good at explaining myself.

Anyway I want to tell you something. When I first came along I used to shout at everyone and all I wanted to do was bash and bash and bash people. I felt bad and angry and I was sure no one could or would like me. Anyway my mummy talks top me and even though I still felt bad she got me a dolly which was what I really wanted inside. What IOm saying is

1) i cant beleive that you are bad...... maybe you are angry, maybe you have been mistreated, maybe you are sad but I dont think you will be really bad.

2) No one could ever be too bad to get a dolly. Thats not possible!!!!!!

Can I ask, are you a girl or a boy?

I like talking to you Bad one.

Hello Adele

The others inside are upset. They are upset that I have escaped. But they need me. They are no good at looking after themselves.

I'm a girl.

I'm angry and being angry IS bad. That's why I know I am bad. I'm angry at all the things LIttle and Big Caroline have been told by people who were supposed to like them and even love them. I'm angry that Little Caroline couldn't be little, she had to be grownup. She had to look after everyone else. She doesn't look after herself properly. So now I need to hurt the people who hurt her so that she doesn't need to look after them any more. Some of them might not want to talk to her afterwards but that will be good. Some of them don't want to talk to her anyway, but she keeps hoping they will. When I have finished with them she will know that they won't want to talk to her. She needs to learn to be a bit angry too, and then maybe she won't be so sad. At the moment she is always angry with herself.

The BAd One

[allthegirls6]

To the bad one. Is being angry bad????? Is it true that those two things go together???????? It sounds to me that you are more like the brave one?, what do you think? Any way, I dont want to chnge your name or what you feel but to me you sound fiesty and like you mean busib=ness. Be good to yourself and kind.

I just knew you were a girl, I could tell! Do you have anything that you like to do? You got any toys? How old are you?

Would you like a cuddle? I would give you a cuddle if you wanted one. I give good culddles
Adele

Myself doesn't matter. It's the others who are for it. They better look after themselves when I get out properly. That's all.

Everybody has always told us it's bad to be angry. Isn't that true?

I won't be kind. I'm angry. I can't be kind.

I can tell you are kind but I can't have cuddles. If I have cuddles I won't be able to keep being angry, sad and bad. That's why I am angry and bad. You need to keep your cuddles for the good people There are lots of them here. I shouldn't be here.

I don't know if I like to do things. I like to swim. I like to cycle. I like to run. I don't have toys cos I am bad. I can't have a name because all I am is angry and bad. I could be the angry one i suppose but the bad one is better.
The Bad One

[allthegirls6]

Top the bad one, Im happy to call you the bad one, and Im happy to give you a cuddle. Tell yoo what I will send you a little one and see how you get on with that ( ), After all, its my cuddles and I can give them to who I like and I like you. You sound very interesting.

Is there anything I can do to help yopu with all the badness you feel. Want to talk about it some more?

I used to think I was the baddest girl in the world and that people would be ruined if they got too close to me. But now I get lots of cuddles and give them too and no one gets ruined.

Adele

YOU shouldn't give me cuddles. People shouldn't get close to me. Expecially not nice people. Your niceness might rub off then I find it harder to be angry. Anyway I don't deserve cuddles I told you I am angry and so I am bad. Only good people deserve cuddles. LC deserves cuddles (even though she thinks she doesn't) but she never gets them. People who said they were her friends hurt her instead. (These are not friends from her). She tries to forget but she can't. She keeps hoping they will change their minds but she knows they won't really. So I'm gonna show them how it feels to hurt like she does.

[allthegirls6]

Wot you gonna do bad one? Are you going to careful? Im getting awfully worried reading what you post. Is someone going to get hurt?

Adele

I don't know if they will get hurt. They should but I don't know them in 3D so they probably won't. And Big C and LIttle C could stopme if I tried to do it in 3D. But I want them to feel sad and confused like Little C does. I want them to understand that she thinks she is bad and evil and she isn't really but she says she knows she is. It's not fair that she feels like that. She didn't do anything to be mean. She didn't shout at her friends because she was sad. She tried real hard to help. She tried to say she was sorry if they were hurt but she didn't mean to hurt. But they didn't hurt as much as she does now.
So I won't hurt them in 3D. YOu don't need to worry bout that. Little C wasn't hurt in 3D so I won't do it. She is just hurting inside, real bad.

[h0kie]

Hi, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here, but I wanted to tell you something. Just because you are angry and sad does not mean you are bad. It is ok to be angry and to be sad. I don't think you are bad at all.

I hope you feel less angry soon. Let me know if I can help.

[allthegirls6]

Oh my what a caring little soul you are bad one. I got lots of good feelings about you. I hate it too when people who matter to me get hurt and treated like they dont matter. You really do care about the others and I must be good for them to have you on there side.

Maybe we could be friends? What you think? Only if you want to that is.

I would like to send you more cuddles if you ever feel able to accept

Adele

[shadowdancer]

oh, tbo BRAVO. i am so glad that you are angry. you have a right to your anger and it is NOT bad. LC and BC need your anger. they need it to protect them. i agree with adele, you are not bad at all. and you can have cuddles from adele and from me...because our cuddles are special ones. they will let you know that we are your friends too. and that we think it is okay for you to be angry at all the baddies. i am angry with the baddies that hurt LC and BC too. we can be angry together. you are not bad, tbo. the angry one sounds like a much better name. I know that LC and BC think anger is bad...but that's only because they are afraid and because they do not have anger like you do. once they get some anger they will see how it's not bad at all... it is very helpful and necessary when it is directed toward people who hurt you or the ones you care about.

please take care, angry one. i would like it very much if you would let me be friends with you.

(((angry one)))

-shadow

Thank you 1dayatatime2
I don't understand though
LC has always been told it is bad to be angry
She mustn't show it when she is angry because people will think she is bad and then they will leave her.
That's why I am here. I don't care if people think I am bad and nobody cares enough about me to matter if they leave me.
I just don't really know what to do with the anger. Do you have any suggestions? My T told me I had to get it out. But I am not sure how.
TBO

[h0kie]

Sometimes angry people make others scared. LC hasn't been around people who believe anger is ok. That's not her fault or yours. Anger is normal and anger is healthy. When bad things happen to you it is ok to be angry.

It sounds like your T has a good idea (to get the anger out). What about writing in a journal? Or yelling into a pillow? Are you artistic? Can you draw a picture of your anger? Sometimes those things help me.

I don't understand, Adele. What is there to like in me?

Yes I care about my others. they know I care but they think I am wrong and they want to keep me locked away.

I'm not sure if I am allowed to have friends when I am so bad. If I coudl I would like that. But not cuddles. I have to be strong

TBO

I don't understand.

You say it is right for me to be angry but LC and BC want to lock me away.
They can't cos I am out now and I am not going back.

But how can you be my friend?

TBO

Thank you for the ideas 1day.
LC and Caroline write in a journal already. I did - but the first tiem I had to do it without them knowing. NOw I am going to do it more.

I can't do anything at home that other people might know about.

I can't draw but I make quilts. Maybe I can make an angry quilt. But I can't quilt at the moment - it has gone away.

My T suggested I could get rid of some anger when I go to the gym but I am not sure how.

LC is scared of anger. That's why she doesn't want me out.

TBO

[shadowdancer]

i have talked to BC and LC... i hope they do not still want to lock you away but even if they do, you are right for being angry. i don't want you to be locked away or to go back, i'm very glad you are out. i can be your friend by talking to you and listening to you when you get angry and want to say angry words. Vicki and i have started a list of words that make us hurt or words that make us angry. you can write down angry words in a PM and send them to me and we will have an angry list too. between me and you and Vicki (and adele and anyone else who might want to write) we could have quite a good angry list.

i think you are very special indeed, tbo. you stay angry as long as you need to. Here are some ideas that i shared with Vicki on what to do with anger. I hope they help. keep writing tbo and stay safe.

(((((((((((((tbo)))))))))))))))

-shadow

thank you shadow.
I found I can get some angry things out in poetry. Is that OK?
I wanted to write some angry letters but I don't know where to put them. I don't want to upset anyone but they are not about anyone on PC and I can't send them to the real people; Ruth and I talked about it and it would be cruel. Maybe I should just put them in the journal.
I liked the poems in the thread you linked to. I feel just like Vicki said when she wrote:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
My T is concerned, my person is concerned, the husband is concerned...I don't mean to worry or concern any one. I just don't want to be in this much confusion. I took all the pain for alot of years. I stayed inside for alot of time. Then T started asking questions. She woke me up. She started me talking. She made it all start over again. Now I feel like I am back to where I was before I went inside to stay for awhile. Now I seem to come out more than I want to. Why is this all happening?? T says it's progress and it is good. I feel so cold inside, numb and tired. I just can't keep going. Can I be dead???
Vicki

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

That's how I feel too.

Ruth wants us to think nice things. But she also told me I needed to get my anger out. I'm not sure we can do both.

TBO