[Rhiannonsmoon]

What I'm about to post about is something I am taking a chance on being very embarrassed about, possibly having the post removed because it does't belong here or something like that. If it is in the wrong place I'm sorry.

I've had dissociative episodes over the years, what I need thoughts on though is this:

I have different "people" who live in my head. I know that sounds crazy but please bear with me. This is why I am asking for your thoughts.

At any given time there can be a conversation going on in my head between these other personalities. Sometimes one will win out and sometimes another will win out.

They never tell me to hurt anyone, they don't give me religious experiences and I very rarely zone out when they are talking.

I really would like to know if these people are alter egos. As I said in another thread, I may be talking to one of these other people and there will be a discussion on one wanting to go out and the other saying "No Way!"; the "no way" always wins.

At times I feel very calm and in order, my thinking is organised and I am able to articulate what I am wanting to express or say. At other times I feel like a frightened 3 yr old wanting to be held or a teen with a wicked sense of humour that few people understand. I know there is an intelligent person somewhere in the mix who writes and says things that either mystify me or make so much sense I wonder where it came from.

Then there is a not too nice person who says what she thinks regardless of who it hurts emotionally (not physically); to her the truth is all that matters no matter how harsh it seems. I really don't like that personality and she doesn't come out too often thankfully, but she is there.

Is it possible for alters to fight for control over ones conscious mind and are these pepople alters or am I on the wrong track altogether?

Please be kind to me because this has taken a lot of courage for me to post. As I said I have had episodes in the past, but this is almost constant and there is never ever any indication of harm to anyone, myself included. At times I shake my head at what is being said, others I laugh, others I cry.

Do I need help for this and how is it controlled?

Thanks so much in advance to anyone who can help me,

Rhiannon

Hi
For what it's worth I think you're in the absolute right place with your question.

Did you read the dissociative resources? They can be helpful.

The way I was diagnosed came from me complaining about constant voices (at first, uneducated Doctors assumed I was psychotic) I started to write down the converstaions and brought them to my T. I was losing time, forgetting a lot, but that doesn't happen with everyone. Look up DDNOS and see if that applies to you.
Do you have a currant therapist? You need to talk to a professional about this issue. It is a hard road but interesting.... Once you know for certain what is going on, you can breath a long sigh of relief, because it may explain a lot. Then the work begins....You can do this!!

Oh Forgot to say...if you ae dx'd with a dissociative "disorder" (I personally don't like that word) , you don't control it...you learn skills to make the most of all within.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thanks SO much Calista! I guess it's time to read a lot more. I tried reading some of it, looked at the chart and was able to point out some of the things I recognised that have happened.

I'll get into the resources that are pinned at the top here so that I can organise myself. I have about 6 diaries of the conversations I have heard going on in my head. I've been writing them for years. So I guess the next thing is to find a psychiatrist?

I really appreciate your help Calista

I also know that there are different names too is that part of this as well?

Rhiannon

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

What I'm about to post about is something I am taking a chance on being very embarrassed about, possibly having the post removed because it does't belong here or something like that. If it is in the wrong place I'm sorry.

I've had dissociative episodes over the years, what I need thoughts on though is this:

I have different "people" who live in my head. I know that sounds crazy but please bear with me. This is why I am asking for your thoughts.

At any given time there can be a conversation going on in my head between these other personalities. Sometimes one will win out and sometimes another will win out.

They never tell me to hurt anyone, they don't give me religious experiences and I very rarely zone out when they are talking.

I really would like to know if these people are alter egos. As I said in another thread, I may be talking to one of these other people and there will be a discussion on one wanting to go out and the other saying "No Way!"; the "no way" always wins.

At times I feel very calm and in order, my thinking is organised and I am able to articulate what I am wanting to express or say. At other times I feel like a frightened 3 yr old wanting to be held or a teen with a wicked sense of humour that few people understand. I know there is an intelligent person somewhere in the mix who writes and says things that either mystify me or make so much sense I wonder where it came from.

Then there is a not too nice person who says what she thinks regardless of who it hurts emotionally (not physically); to her the truth is all that matters no matter how harsh it seems. I really don't like that personality and she doesn't come out too often thankfully, but she is there.

Is it possible for alters to fight for control over ones conscious mind and are these pepople alters or am I on the wrong track altogether?

Please be kind to me because this has taken a lot of courage for me to post. As I said I have had episodes in the past, but this is almost constant and there is never ever any indication of harm to anyone, myself included. At times I shake my head at what is being said, others I laugh, others I cry.

Do I need help for this and how is it controlled?

Thanks so much in advance to anyone who can help me,

Rhiannon

We cant tell you if these are alters, or alter egos. only a mental health professional in your local area who can meet with you, have access to your medical and mental health files, family history and put you through diagnostic testing can tell you what these "people who live in your head" and voices are.

What I can tell you is if you google these symptoms that you wrote about you will come up with thousands of things including more than one mental disorder, medical problems and even psychic phenomenon experiences. common examples of what this could be for example - schizophrenia, auditory hallucinations, sleep deprivation, any number of chemical imbalances in your body, tumors, I could go on forever just by googling and posting the thousands of things this could be. the short end of the stick is that theres no real way anyone on line can tell you what your problems are and we cant tell you what to do about it.

my suggestion since I cant tell you what to do about your life and your own problems because Im not your treatment professionals, is that if this is bothering you discuss it with your doctors and they will answer these questions for you in regards to how these problems relate to your family history, medical and mental problems and they can tell you how to proceed from there.

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Thanks SO much Calista! I guess it's time to read a lot more. I tried reading some of it, looked at the chart and was able to point out some of the things I recognised that have happened.

I'll get into the resources that are pinned at the top here so that I can organise myself. I have about 6 diaries of the conversations I have heard going on in my head. I've been writing them for years. So I guess the next thing is to find a psychiatrist? Yes Very important!! The support is a necessity. A good T has the skills to teach you and the support you need when times get scary.

I really appreciate your help Calista

I also know that there are different names too is that part of this as well?

Rhiannon

It worked that way for me but not at first. I always wondered how people put names to them. I understood afterhaving dreams where different people were introducing themselves to me. Some were children, some adults and teens... all were different... The dreams told me so much and helped me understand how some "unlikable" alters were very misunderstood and simply protecting me.
Don't be afraid to ask anything...You can PM me if you want. Good luck!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thanks Calista, really thankyou...I read a post that indicated this can be fixed, does that mean that I can be just one me and not have the conversations going on or having one of them come forward when I feel threatened, or vulnerable etc? Does it mean that I would be completely me on my own? I don't like the thought of saying healed because I don't see them as a disease or a problem...I hope you understand what I mean there...

Rhiannon

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Thanks Calista, really thankyou...I read a post that indicated this can be fixed, does that mean that I can be just one me and not have the conversations going on or having one of them come forward when I feel threatened, or vulnerable etc? Does it mean that I would be completely me on my own? I don't like the thought of saying healed because I don't see them as a disease or a problem...I hope you understand what I mean there...

Rhiannon

No worried I understand what you mean. It's different depending on the person and how the therapist works. What you can hope for is a more competent feeling inside, less fear, and a sense of understanding and co operation within.
My t doesn't believe in "making us one" because some inside would see that as threatening. His focus is to help us navigate this wierdness with more understanding of why this happened and how to cope with switches and triggers. He told me "these "alters" have helped you survive...so some day maybe you can see these aspects of you as friends". That helped me a lot.

I don't always like it if the conversations stop. It's too quiet and lonely. I like to be able to quiet them when I need to focus, while being respectful of what they are saying.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello AmandaLouise,

Thanks for posting. I won't google because my mind is busy now, I couldn't imagine filling it with anything else.

I've spoken to dead people ever since I can remember, in my cot I can remember, outisde when others had imaginary friends I had dead friends...but what I'm talking about here is different...I'll get it sorted...one way or another

Rhiannon

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thanks again Calista,

I will speak to my GP next time I get a call from her. I mentioned this issue once before but the locum said it was internal self talk....I didn't know that an internal voice could have several voices and use them all at once...we'll see soon...

Rhiannon

Good luck Rhiannonsmoon
I hope you can speak to a good psychiatist soon.

[(JD)]

Yes, it sounds like you may have dissociative states. There are various names to this (all under Dissociative Disorders) as ego states, alters, alternate personalities etc. It doesn't matter what you settle on (or, if they are aspects of yourself, they will help you decide what to call it) as long as you are in treatment for a DD.

If they are "alters" as you question, they might have their own "real" names. As the communication between your parts increases, and as those parts of you feel safe, they will share names and other information with other parts.

Fear not! Since all of this conversation is inside your mind, it's not schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder, I'm pretty sure. AND each aspect/part is YOU and only YOU.

The main difference between multiples and singletons is that multiples (those with DID) have a lack of "continuity" between thoughts and desires. Another words, like when someone goes to a fun place (Disney, zoo, ball game) they may allow their "inner child" to rule and make some decisions (cotton candy, hot dogs, fun ride etc). The dissociative person might have a certain part or aspect of them that wants and does this, and the other parts may not remember it. The singleton does remember, and in fact never loses time -dissociates- where the multiple does.

As a dissociative person begins to heal, that continuity increases, the gap of information decreases.

But, no matter where you are on the continuum of dissociation, don't worry, it's ALL YOU!



I don't know where you are, but most psychiatrists don't treat DD/DID. A psychologist with experience with dissociative disorders is what you will want, imo.

PS (Hope this isn't too much information) The fact that you are now able to discern the dissociated times and admit to the conversations you are having with yourself, means that you are ready to begin to progress and heal. Dissociation works quite well for a while --sometimes for years-- but as a person ages, the usefulness breaks down and in fact, may begin to cause problems.

[pegasus]

.........

[Jewels]

Just to stir the pot, psychiatrists DO treat those with DID for medication issues...psychologists treat the other aspects of DID...except for medication, which psychologists CANNOT give to patients...

The DD spectrum is vast, and includes dissociative states at all levels...depersonalization, etc., and on the other end DID. So you see, the DD spectrum is vast and should be considered in its entirety...

If you have DID, you have parts or alters. Not ego states, not alternate personalities. Those all exist on the spectrum of DD, but not in DID circles as I have found true to form from most DID people I have talked to. And these alters have REAL names, not just "real" fake names that are inferred by the quote marks. Just as important as this information is, those with DID are not always aware of when they switch, or change personalities. So going to anyplace like Disney, ballgame, etc., there may be two or three or four who will come out at different times to make their demands for time. And the host for the DID person may lost significant time during any outing, and it doesn't have to be a "big" outing.

However, here on PC we are not allowed to say whether or not you have a certain problem or a different one. The best we can do is say that if you have concerns, you should go to your doctor, tell him/her your concerns, and ask her/him to get you to a psychiatrist/case manager/psychologist. It is with the psychologist you can get tested for what you think you have and then have the answers straight from him/her. Don't get discouraged. The tests may seem long, but they really aren't. They are just thorough so they can read their data and be assured of what you do have. I hope that you can find the right people to be behind you 100%. With searching, you can find mental health clinics, etc., if you call the United Way in your city or town. They will have a list of anything from Case Managers, for those who like to have all their care under one roof, to MSWs who are social workers, to Psychiatrists and Psychologists. After 18 years, I have finally found a great T and case manager, as well as a competent psychiatrist, who I trust with my life. They all know the diagnosis I have, and are behind me 100% to get better. I hope you find what you are looking for in terms of counseling. If you don't like your first counselor, you are allowed to find another. You have to find the one that "fits" you. By that I mean you need to find the correct person to counsel you, who will work with you and not against you, and who you trust to have your best interests at heart.

This may seem daunting, but once you start, you should be able to find someone who is in your corner. I wish you all the best.

Jewels

[sabby]

Thanks very much Jewels for your post to Rhiannonsmoon. You are absolutely right that no one here at PC should be diagnosing anyones symptoms. Giving information is absolutely fine though

((((((((((( Rhia ))))))))))))) I hope you find your answers soon. It will take some time, but you want them to take time so that they are looking into everything and not making a dx off the top of their heads. This has to do with your mental health and you deserve the best you can get! I wish you well in your journey towards answers and healing.


sabby

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Jewels

If you have DID, you have parts or alters. Not ego states, not alternate personalities.

Just wanted to add something here -

Jewels where you are this statement may be true but many usa states, mental health professionals and therapy techniques consider the word alters to be short hand for the word alternate personalities.

And many USA states, mental health professionals and therapy approaches use the words alters, parts and alternate personalities interchangeably to mean the same thing.

Sometimes different therapists that treat DID and clients with DID have a preference over which interchangeable word they choose to use, just like even though the correct terminology in the US is Dissociative Identity Disorder some people here in the US and here on PC still prefer calling it Multiple Personality Disorder when the two terms are one and the same.

one rule I try to use for my posting is when telling people terms like MPD, DID, Alters, Alternate personalities, personalities, parts, pieces, fragments and such I take into consideration everyone here at pc is not from the same location (countries, states, towns, cities, geographic locations mountain, central whatever) as I am and they may not be using the same textbooks,, mental health professional and therapy techniques I have experience with through my therapy, classes and internship in mental health agences around here.

[anderson]

((((Rhiannonsmoon))))
Thank you for this post. I am sorry that we have not responded before now We were working on some of our own issues. The fact that a good T has moved to our town has helped us alot. But also has our own inner pot stired .
In the past year a truth has come to those with in us. It is not the Dx that makes us who we are it is what we make of it. As to the voices there is always a way to learn to live with them and enjoy a life. The hard part is getting outsides to understand them.
http://www.sidran.org/store/index.cf...&category_id=1
This a place online that we got most of the materials that has help us to heal. The fallowing book really helped us in understanding all the mis communication that we had to deal with living in a community that has not accepted DID as a rule. It has the main reasons for people hearing voices covered and will give you the information that will help you talk with your T or doctor.
　Dissociative Identity Disorder Sourcebook, The
Please post some more those here, hear voices all the time and most of them do have their own names, ages, and rank. You are not alone and most of all you are wanted here too.

[Eriksplus]

Hello.

We wish to say we appriceate you posting this and you have gotten very helpful replies from your fellow PCers *sweeps hands at all who have replied*.
We shall now like to put in our input, if that's alright.

You did post in the correct section, as you can see.

As everyone else has been saying, These "alters" are your friends and protectors, as well as all their own.

They are also welcome to post here as well if/when they feel comfertable.

(Webber)Erik

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Rhiannonsmoon))))

Thank you for posting. First and formost you need to get a t and let them diagnose you as they know what they are looking for and we are not able to diagnose you. I know that there are different dissociation states. Having DID is only one of the dissociation states.

I also wanted to say that there are Psychiatrist that do work with DID patients. Although it may not be alot I know for me that my psychiatrist and thereapist work together with my case manager to help me. They all work from the same treatment facility. My psychiatrist takes a very active roll in my treatment and when we have team meetings he is right there.

He has also done research concerning DID and has really helped me right a long with the rest of my team. I feel very fortunate as they are all from the same place which makes it much easier to consult with one another. They also have team meetings every week concerning each patient.

I know that for many their Psychiatrist is separate from thereapists so in that I am very fortunate. I hope you will search out a t and let them know what is going on for you. Know that we are here for you and we care. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to respond, help and support me, I really do appreciate it a great deal.

Anderson you brought me to tears, thank you so very much my friend.

3yr old is Meg, 15yr old is Megan, 23yr old is Julia, 34yr old is Morgana. It feels as if I am giving out private details...I've never asked about names before but they were very clear about who they are.

I sense that they are uncomfortable with their names coming out. I don't know why and I guess we just have to get comfortable with it if I'm going to deal with it rather than just listen to the voices all the time...

I really do thank you all...

Rhiannon

[Eriksplus]

We're so happy you are figuring all of this out!

(Webber)Erik

[anderson]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to respond, help and support me, I really do appreciate it a great deal.

Anderson you brought me to tears, thank you so very much my friend.
From all of us to all of you!
3yr old is Meg, 15yr old is Megan, 23yr old is Julia, 34yr old is Morgana. It feels as if I am giving out private details...I've never asked about names before but they were very clear about who they are.
We still do not have this type of info for the longest time We were told not to talk about it or our son would be taken from us. but now thanks to PC World we are able to talk more about our system but we do groups to help protect each other since our abuse was still taken place by those out side of us. So please be gentle with those with in. They are just learning to be safe if they are sharing this information with you. So just take it one step at a time and allow them the freedom of being accepted for individuals that are truely just a part of you. It tends to take the stress of the different alters letting them learn that they are a part of a whole one step at a time.
I sense that they are uncomfortable with their names coming out. I don't know why and I guess we just have to get comfortable with it if I'm going to deal with it rather than just listen to the voices all the time...

I really do thank you all...

Rhiannon

Just know that we will be here for you as those within us are finding inner peace Too!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((Eriksplus)))) ((((Anderson))))

Is it normal to try to "control" them? Not let them say what they want to say sometimes? Keep a lid on things and not allow them to say really nasty things to paedophiles, to shout at them to die?

I have had times when I am fully aware of the voices and what they are saying and sometimes Megan and Julia want to come screaming out and literally attack someone phsyically literally it takes all of my strength to stop that from happening. And I don't know if there have been times when either of them have come out and done that...

There is so much to learn isn't there, I hope I can do what is best and right for the whole

[Eriksplus]

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

((((Eriksplus)))) ((((Anderson))))

Is it normal to try to "control" them? Not let them say what they want to say sometimes? Keep a lid on things and not allow them to say really nasty things to paedophiles, to shout at them to die?

Oh yes, we must do that with (Hill)Erik all the time. Some others too, daresay.

(Webber)Erik