[Nupoet64]

I need some advice. I had some memories come up this weekend and today. It is hard. My mom tried to kill me when I was very young. She was a mean spiteful woman, jealous of anything that did not center on her.

I look very much like my mother and people I know...family & old friends.... are always saying how I look like her or am strong like her, etc. It makes me very ill.

I have avoided the mirror for years. I never look directly at my face in a mirror. I may chk my hair and then leave out of the bathroom.

Tonight I triggered myself I was getting a Q-Tip to put some Neosporin on my husband's hand. I did not mean to look in the mirror and was not ready to see my face. I instantly became dizzy and almost fell. My head started hurting, too.

Does anyone else have a problem with this type of thing? If so, how do you deal with it? I cannot go the rest of my life without using the mirror. And what if I accidently see my face without mentally preparing for it, again?

Any help would be greatly aprreciated. Thanks in advance.

[pegasus]

(((((((( Nupoet ))))))))


Flashbacks are difficult to predict and while you are working on these memories in therapy you are likely to come across them. The flashbacks will settle down. Be gentle with you during this time. Eventually you will be able to look in the mirror and see yourself, not your Mother.

You are not your Mother. You are unique, you are you.

((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

[yogirl]

((((((((((nupoet))))))))))

[sanityseeker]

I have always avoided mirrors but for a long time I thought it was just because I didn't like how I looked.

I used to think I looked like my mother. I wanted to because I lost her when I was young and missed her dearly.

I was estranged from my father from when I was 15 to 48 years of age... 8 years ago now. It took a lot of healing for us to resolve our history.

One day I caught a look at myself and I saw my father. Even though we had resolved most of our history it devestated me. I felt disloyal to my mother. I felt I had lost my last piece of her. I would see my brother and sister and their similarities to my mom was obvious. I was so jealous of them to have her features, her skin colour, her hair.

It took some time for me to accept my face. It took time for me to see myself as my own person and to accept how I looked without it needing to define me.

You have made an important connection to a part of your life that needs healing. Give yourself time to get used to that need. It may not sit right with you at the moment. That is okay. Give it time. You are not your mother and you will not do what your mother did and she can't hurt you anymore. It will take time to believe that.

Healing wants to come. That is why you struggle to face her in the mirror. You want to be free of that attachment. You want to know your own self, see your own self. Give it time. Rest in the knowledge that she can't hurt you any more and the hurt she caused you can be healed. Everything in its perfect time. Rest easy. Its okay.

Everything will be okay.

[Nupoet64]

Ty guys. Sanity, I started today, working on the mirror thing. I made myself stand and look in the mirror. I spoke outloud to myself ( sounds crazy) reminding myself of all the differences and that I am NOT my mother and that I am me and the only one in the world exactly like this....did that for as long as I could stand it, then came back a few hours later adn did it again....I hope it helps....

Yo, thans so much for the big hugs....they are needed and appreciated!!

[sanityseeker]

Awesome Nupoet! That is huge! Not crazy at all. Brilliant in fact. Repeating the exercise will help you heal. It will take away a little bit more of the pain each time until the pain is completely gone and you can look in the mirror and only see you.

Its like what they do with PTSD sufferers. They recount the trauma over and over again until they can go through the story without it triggering any emotional response.

I went through the process to recovery from the pain of a trauma in my life. There will come the day when you can talk yourself through the declarations and really know you know it to be true.

Good on you! Keep up the good work. Its already working.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

(((( (((( (((( ((((Nupoet)))) )))) )))) ))))

I look like my mum and like my mother the woman who brought me up (my grandmother felt she was too young at 43 to be called grandma so we called her mother instead), So I am a cross between the 2.

I find though I don't enjoy the mirror I can look to my mother with love when I look in the mirror now. I learned by the method you outlined up there, to understand that though I looked somewhat like my mum, I was still ok.

I really want you to know that I am here to support you if I can. If you need to PM me feel free,

Rhiannon

[Nupoet64]

Thank you all....it means so much to have a place where I can communicate and KNOW someone understands, instead of seeing an "attempt" at understanding in another's eyes....thank you all...
Somehow it makes me feel less crazy...