Saw T--update

T was really supportive when I told her stuff. She wants me to tell w_i though. She said it is important that she know about what happened. She wants to make sure we are safe around H. I said we were. He doesn't do bad stuff anymore.
But now I think it is a mess.
I am supposed to protect w_i not hurt her. I protect from the s** abuse stuff. Always did.
Never gave her all the memory from Uncle. Can't from her H. Or other stuff that happened later.
T says that not telling won't help her to get better.
She says when I'm ready I need to write to w_i and tell her.
I can't even tell T the details. He did some horrible stuff.
I want to tell T--I need to tell someone cause it just stays in my head and i see it over and over.
I pet the dogs to remind me I'm safe.
But I close my eyes and it's there. All the stuff.
I could stay in, but if I'm upset, then w_i gets upset and doesn't know why.
I feel stuck
Vicki

Vicki

Well done for seeing T and telling her at least some of the things you now remember. I know how hard it is. For me, getting things out - on paper or by telling - really helps to get it out of my head. Is there some way you can do that - maybe get it onto an online journal or something that w_i won't see, till you feel able to tell her about it? That way maybe it will stop going round and round in your head.

I agree that w_i has to know at some point, but I also understand wanting to protect her. We don't have that choice - what one knows all the others know.
Maybe you can find a way to let her know with T - when T is there? Then there will be someone else there to help her.
(((((vicki))))) I wish I had some answers for you.

Caroline

Vicki,

Thanks for keeping us updated. We all care for you here.

If you keep writing your memories down, you can just hand the pieces of paper over to your T. Let her decide when and what to share with w_i. She will help you.

Keep writing. Keep PMing. Check in over the weekend and let us know you are safe.

Petunia

(((((((((Vicki)))))))))

seems like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You can always talk to me about it Vicki, i am here to listen anytime you want to talk.

i am glad that you were able to get a little bit of help from your T and i think that she might be on the right track. Petunia's idea is a really good one because that way your T can monitor how much w_i gets and how much more she can handle, after all, that's her job.

i wish i had the answers for you but all i can say is keep trying, and hold on. you're stronger than you know.

-shadow

Saw T tonight. It helped. But I started doing bad stuff again. T said she understands why, but I have to stop before it gets out of control again. We're trying to get other insiders to help.
We haven't told w_i anything, but she knows I am throwing up again. I ate the last big piece of her ice cream birthday cake...and I cleaned the toilet.
We are all very very tired.
Vicki

We understand tired.
Finally trying to deal with DD, admitting you have alters,
new ones appearing all the time, swapping out several times a day, it' tiring all right.
Is the body getting enough sleep ?
We are having a problem where one of us is ready to go to bed, & then we swap & whoever comes in wants to do something other than sleep, so we keep not getting enough.

*HUG* That must be tough.