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#1
Dec 22, 2010, 12:04 PM
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What to do now? I was at a family party and by surprise one of my abuser show up. I don't knowcwhat to do he mess up all my xmas plans. I want to enjoy xmas but he decide what tocdo and now I have to hide and not be present at any of the parties I want to go in:
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 Hunny
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#2
Dec 22, 2010, 12:14 PM
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That Sucks. I remember having to go to holidays where my abuser would show up... No fun. I am sorry he is messing with your holiday.
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There’s been many a crooked path that has landed me here Tired, broken and wearing rags Wild eyed with fear -Blackmoores Night |
| genn, Hunny
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#3
Dec 26, 2010, 11:36 AM
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I hope you managed to stay safe and take care of you ((((((((( genn ))))))))))
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 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
| genn, Hunny
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#4
Dec 26, 2010, 06:09 PM
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aww sorry hun, i only just saw this now. i hope he stayed away from your other parties so you could be out and have a nice time. though i guess if i was surprised like that i would be like extra wary and always on guard. anyway, let us know how it went. i hope you found some pockets of joy over the last few days. take gentle care of you.
__________________
He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him.  Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there. Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so. 
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| genn, Hunny
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#5
Dec 27, 2010, 03:22 PM
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What a ....! I hope you can find a way to have a good christmas inspite of that. is there anyone you can invite to come to your house instead? You can decide wh o gets to come to see you, right? HUGGS safe and warm.
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| genn, Hunny
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#6
Dec 27, 2010, 04:48 PM
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what I've been doing is going to friends parties so I don't see this abuser.....but still I need to go to my sister house in the 1st of Jan...I hope he don't show up there.
Thank you for all support and replies!!!!
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| dinosaurs, lonegael
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#7
Dec 29, 2010, 10:36 AM
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I don't know what to do know...one of my last Christmas party will be at my sister's house. Her husband wants to give her a surprise..'cause is her birthday. Is important for my sister for me to be there....she is a great sister.
I am scare this abuser will show up.. I don't know what to do any advice will be good ty genn Quote:
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| Hunny
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#8
Dec 29, 2010, 11:07 AM
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Genn, safe hugs to you...
One of my emotional abusers came on Christmas Eve and then again on Christmas morning. I even had to make breakfast for him because it was my turn, ugh. I wrote a letter to my family and told them I just couldn't be alone with him. I kept away from him in this small room. When we were in the small room I sat really close to my son and when I made food for them I thought about doing something nice for the others NOT him. Stay with someone really safe okay...DON'T be alone with him/her, even in the kitchen, okay? Maybe just be there for a little bit of time, if that would help. Does your brother-in-law or sister know this person is an abuser to you (and maybe to others)? How does he/she get invited? My emotional abuser is related to our family. I have not found a successful way to be completely away from him, yet. It is emotionally draining.
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 “Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.” Albert Einstein |
| genn
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#9
Dec 29, 2010, 03:14 PM
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Good post, Hunny. Is there some way that you can let you sister know that this person is not OK with you, even if she doens't know about the abuse, that you would rather not have anything to do with him and you shouldn't be alone with him, maybe even go home early if he shows up? Maybe if you can talk to her about this, you can work out a plan for how to make sure that you are safe the whole time. Good luck
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| genn, Hunny
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#10
Dec 29, 2010, 03:48 PM
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Thank you hunny and eagle
Is true I should be close to a safe person and this will be my husband ..he knows he was one of ,my abusers but don't know the extension of it. I need to be at my sister's birthday...is going to be hard but I will take your advice hunny. ty to both of you any other advice will be good ty Quote:
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| Hunny
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#11
Dec 30, 2010, 02:44 AM
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yes they had good advice, take care to stay near a safe person all the time. i would also keep something in my pocket or hold in my hand to help comfort me or be something safe to talk to if things get bad. i have t's hanky which is soft and comforting or a little dinosaur which i can whisper to or think to and he can do silent RAWRS if needed. maybe think if you have anything like them that could help get you through? also not sure what time it ends, but maybe plan something soothing/safe/relaxing for self afterwards. even if its just some time in a nice shower or with nice smelling cream or watching a safe movie. take care.
__________________
He said that we can email as MUCH as we want (100 times per day). Believe in this - it is challenging fears about being punished. It is okay to be seen. You are not a nuisance. "Too much" simply means exploration, not punishment/withdrawal. Trust in him. Not looking at him is about keeping aspects of self hidden/secret. We know that is not the healthy choice. Keep working on this - you will get there. Accept there are parts. Be kind and gentle with them. Working with parts and feelings is the key to happiness. We have been happy before when listened to them and accepted them and were open to feelings. Write in your journal - it is safe to do so.
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| genn, Hunny
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#12
Dec 30, 2010, 10:15 AM
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That's also a good idea dino thank you !!!!!!!!!!!
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