What I do at night....

Well..you see people...there were times i felt extremely...in need - addicted - to buying cloth, food....and became extremely angry if it was avoided for me. I decided i would rather provide myself with my addiction - mostly to sweets and other..but not only....well and strong sexual desires too....

******** MAY TRIGGER*******

So - after being diagnosed - well - actually - i had internal conversations with myself long before - did not know it was anything DID - but knew that the parts of me were claiming (and showing) me that at nigh (this can trigger! or at least revolt) to...eat... roaches while going out at night. To the beach. For a few hours. I do not remember very well but while seeing a roach real time i am very afraid and feeling like its climbing on me!! YUCK...
Now while talking to the alter...."she" claims that i don`t feed them all very well and that roaches are actually delicious and have a good amount of protein in them. She claims to being able to smell it. She shows or - experienced me the taste...and the legs especially were yummy WTF

I have been scared of roaches and hated insects for as long as i can remember. I was always afraid and if i saw one in my parents house i would immediately scream and run away form the room. I have none in my apartment * THANKS GOD*

Well - now i am listening to those alters because She and the inner child have those needs that if i do not satisfy they go out at night and do crap,,,,

Eating roaches is actually their lightest crime...but well...IDK i am afraid that if proof will be found...law will be involved and get thrown into a psych hospital for the rest of my life be locked there...

Dear Lady...

Oh my, my oh my. We had to do some strange stuff and ours is not to judge. And when you are hungry and when what you wear is not your own, so controlled growing up and different addictions survive from this, well we understand that this is all part and parcel.

Tell me, did you ever see those movies where the hero was locked in a prison unfairly well your story kinda reminds me of this. They wouldn't let the guy have food or only some 'whatever' and so the guy cleverly ate the insects. They didn't tell us the name in the movie so I'm guessing, roaches.

I know this is different but in a way the same, for different reason. We are locked in the prison of our minds. Also we think people in prison camps ate bugs but here's the thing, till you take a look at the trauma of the reason why, it usually is in a 'hold' situation or can be. Then with help you can make it a permanent 'hold'.

Also, just to say that the alters that would do harm to me or others are not really allowed to act on those issues 'at all' and so in reaching out you know you can tell them 'stop' until the therapist helps you to deal with them in a better way or find the reason for them.

I am sorry, sometimes these horrid things are told to us will happen if we tell so we were told if we tell 'stuff would happen' and well those perps are not here anymore but the actions keep happening till we get to figure out why. So just rest assured you are not alone in the world.

People get your disgust and your duty and now we just say thanks to this part for keeping you alive having to do this and we say, put in a safe container away, till help comes, not the roaches but the parts that insist on the action.

...and you are in therapy, right? safe

(((((((((((((((((((ladymacabethadmunsen)))))))))))) I'm so sorry you are struggling.

As far as foodstuff type triggers, this is what I do. I don't know if it will help or not, but hopefully it will spark some ideas that might work for you, and if not, no worries. Just disregard.

I have to be very careful not to get hungry or other parts take over that aspect of my life. What I found out works for me is having set times to eat (every 3-4 hours for me) and I always make sure I have snacks on hand (I also have parts with eating disorders so I have to be very careful about what kind of food, amounts etc or it causes other problems). I often find stuff hidden in my room and around the house and now I leave them there, even if they are expired. I also packed a little container of longer shelf life items in my room that is visible so other parts can see it, if needed.

It doesn't always work for me, but it definitely has helped. Parts cannot handle hunger pains and other parts cannot handle full stomachs and still other parts (or maybe same, I don't know) can't handle certain things or types of things eaten. It's tricky and it took a long time of trial and error and persistence to figure out the solution, but it's been worth it for the most part.

I hope you are able to figure out a solution that works for you. Take gentle care.

((((((((((ladymacbethanmunsen)))))))))))))

crew

dear (((ladymacabethadmunsen))),

i don't know if this will help, but "many bugs are edible. however, bugs are not normally viewed as food in western culture. yet, non-western and indigenous societies have always eaten bugs. military survival manuals indicate that insects are an ideal food alternative."
(copied from the internet, i won't name the site)

so, having said that, i wonder if your alter(s) who are doing this have latched on to this fact and are resorting to some sort of strange primal behavior for the sake of survival.

i really like wanttoheal's idea of spacing out your meals more frequently so you will stay full, and keeping snacks on-hand to prevent the nocturnal wanderings.

life is strange isn't it? i'm so sorry you have to experience this type of behavior from those within. but maybe a "meeting" is in order to assure those within that they won't go hungry. please take care. i wish you well.

Thank you for this! Yeah..it is the judging in my mind. The truth is that actually - in some clotures they really do it. I know Maybe this way i will get to stop being afraid of them so much.

I do meet them every day. There is no day i don`t talk to "them" or am aware of "their" pretense! And i do remember parts of the trauma - mine - according to the flashbacks i investigated so far - seem to spread alone my entire life,almost, living different lives a night, or in childhood. So even thought i have a general story - still i know i need to meet details. And it takes a while.... does n `t it?

[[/CENTER]

This is a great idea. I know - i need t satisfy alters when i am awake - if not - they will decide on their own.....
Thank you for the advice!

Yes i am in therapy. Thank you for the story. This alter is actually a heroin...is my adorable. I adore her...She has real horrific stories ...of being pretty close to death...it seems might be the wisest..also knows how to sing....and to be very sexy.

ugh. Sex is another issue with my alters. As far as i checked they all want it really bad. It is the number 1 on their list of desired things. The funniest things is that I...yes me the "core" - i always counted it as something completely unimportant. Yet some of me oppose completely! Seem to be addicted to it! My goodness.

BTW:
I am in therapy but my therapist now claims that i have PTSD and not DID because people with this PTSD can also do things they do not remember. He does not know everything i told you right now though... This Thursday he is supposed to apply prologued exposure therapy with me.

There is so much going on for you and for us, however there is only so much we can work on at one time. While we continue to be as kind as possible with ourself we pray you can too. All the best to all of you and here is hoping some new places of healing can be established. If you can share with your therapist and learn how the parts inter-relate it can be helpful, eventually.

For some of our parts the time after 5:00PM at 'night' was extremely lonely and scary. Our parents drinking started about that time. Remember the process to learn takes time. Hopefully learning more about these parts will continue to help you and I'll keep working on 'stuff' too. Process not perfection...so good you are not in denial.

ugh! yeah! stopping the denial is a journey on its own. Thank you so much! You are very kind.

((((ladymacabethadmunsen))))

We have done some pretty strange things too. You are not alone.

Cris and the Hotel

Hi Lady......i am sorry that you are having to deal with this issue. My story is different but similar in one way. My young ones have been telling my t that i dont feed them and that they are hungry. And in fact i wasnt feeding them well enough, i was only eating one meal at night and that was it. so they told my t that they were hungry in a really sad way.And when they were hungry everything in my life was getting controlled by them, especially their fears.when we were growing up in addition to being abused we did not have a lot of food due to poverty. now im doing better at feeding them earlier and giving them the kind of food they like (mainly grilled cheese sandwiches). So im not as controlled by the young ones fears. okay...sorry i rambled but ive been dealing with this for nearly 6 months. i hope that it might help you if not....please forgive my rambling......kasva