[Fox]

I'm sorry we keep disappearing on you guys.
Have been in and out of hospitals quite a bit this winter.
Still not getting the mental health support we need.
We're being treated for schizoaffective disorder since DID doesn't exist in our state.
That's not going too well.
The meds are making us numb but doesn't stop the fighting inside.
It's a real mess right now.
Not sure what to do or how to find someone who believes us.
Or even has experience with DID.

[pegasus]

I'm sorry to hear that Fox, I hope we can support you here somehow. (((((((( Fox )))))))

[Fox]

You guys have been the biggest support of me since the beginning of my self-discovery Pegs <3

[songbird and daisy]

Originally Posted by Fox

I'm sorry we keep disappearing on you guys.
Have been in and out of hospitals quite a bit this winter.
Still not getting the mental health support we need.
We're being treated for schizoaffective disorder since DID doesn't exist in our state.
That's not going too well.
The meds are making us numb but doesn't stop the fighting inside.
It's a real mess right now.
Not sure what to do or how to find someone who believes us.
Or even has experience with DID.

It is difficult to manage all that seems unmanageable. Sometimes are definately worse than others and I just know that you have the resources within you to help you get through this tough part. After all, we've already survived the tough part

I know what you mean about getting lost. I get lost lots and have been working hard with therapy and Pdoc and right now I'm not so bad. I'd even say good And I never ever thought I would be saying that so keep doing what you're doing, even if it's just one tiny thing because we are survivors and thriving will happen for you

[Crew]

((((Fox))))

Does your T not believe in DID? Maybe trying to find a therapist that deals with trauma which is what abuse stems from in my opinion. I am so sorry just keep trying to find a T that deals with trauma, at least that is what I would do...
Cheese................... Crew

[Fox]

Thanks songbird. I should listen to you and not discount the little successes and progress I've made. Thanks for listening to me.

Crew my T wants to believe I'm DID but he's also hinting it could be more schizophrenia. I did a little research on schizo and I do fit in with that too. But I fit DID more with my reported behaviors and amnesia of events. This week I'm logging everything I do and there's certain time periods each day I can't tell you what I did, or I write something I don't remember writing and the handwriting is different. I feel so confused. Right now because of where I live, I'm extremely limited on who I can see. Our town only has one T and he travels from the state capital twice a month to see us and others in our area who need counseling. He has limited trauma experience. He has limited experience all around but he's a good listener and gives practical suggestions for everyday issues very well. We stopped doing trauma work with him because it got overwhelming for us, but I'd like to start up again. . .just very afraid and uncertain.

[eskielover]

Fox, wish you could move to another state where you could get the help you need. The psychologist that heads our DBT group has much successful experience with people dealing with DID....& many people here have found the right people to help them.

Sadly, unless you have a psychologist that knows something about DID without it only being text book knowledge, there is no way that they can honestly know that isn't what you are dealing with. Important to at least find the help you need from someone knowledgeable to make the determination. It's easier to accept something as being more the truth from someone who is knowledgeable rather than from someone who isn't.

Unfortunately, sometimes we have to go through the painful part in order to process it so that it can become an understood part of our lives. It's a slow process because we can't process more than a small part at a time without getting overwhelmed....but that's ok because the condition didn't occur overnight either.

giving my foxie friend special 's

[Omers]

My T doesn't work with DID either. Healing is still possible.
As far as Dx... trust your gut, you will know when/if it is right.
My experience with meds is that they don't work on all parts in the same way so keep an eye out for that. It can really screw up some balances we have worked so hard to create.

[Fox]

Moving to another state to get help sounds really scary. What if I were to make such a serious move only to find out I'm not DID at all? I'd just like to know what's causing my symptoms if I'm not DID. I looked online and there isn't any Ts that work with DID in our area but there is someone in a town about 160 miles away that has DID listed on the problems they treat, so maybe there's hope after all. I'll just have to wait and see what happens.

Yeah I have a hard time believing I'm schizoaffective. I don't talk to myself outloud. I don't see things that aren't there. I don't believe I have delusions, but then again would I know if I did?

I do have depression an PTSD. That much I agree with the treatment team. ^__^

[krazy_phoenix]

((((fox)))) Great to hear from you.

As part of my denial of my dx, I regularly have asked my T could I please have schizophrenia instead of DID (...I mean absolute no disrespect to anyone with schizophrenia and I by no means believe it to be an easy condition to live with or anything like that). My denial stems from my refusal to accept my past which has created my condition rather than a desire for another mental illness, if that makes sense. Anyway, my T's main point against schizophrenia was the lack of delusion. I hallucinate and my mind came play some pretty mean tricks that can confuse me and make me scared but at a deeper level, I KNOW that is what it is...my mind playing tricks, and it is my fears and anxiety that keep me caught in the trick. I don't BELIEVE in the trick, or my belief is temporary. When I am feeling stronger, I am able to ground, be logical and lessen the psychological impact of what I am experiencing. If I had schizophrenia, I would have utter and unshakable belief in the trick and not even time would lessen or change my view or opinion of whatever it may be. This is where it is hard for a schizophrenic to recognise their own condition too, as their belief in the delusion is to the point of it not being a delusion to them, but a truth. Just thought I'd let you know how it has been for me, maybe it may help you. But of course, ...this is just my experience and by no means is a diagnosis etc etc etc....

My understanding is that this is over and beyond hearing voices, which is the commonality between the two. Perhaps Amandalouise could offer a better explanation or differentiation, she tends to have a knack at the 'doctorspeak' and having it make much better sense!

I also agree with the suggestion of seeking a trauma based T if possible, I guess that would be closer to addressing PTSD issues at least. Good luck if you decide to try the 160km away T.

Sorry to hear you have had a rough winter. I hope things are settling down for you somewhat, and the spring sun is warming your bones and adding some sun to your heart.

kp

[Crew]

(((((fox))))))))

I have learned in the medical illnesses of things I could have. As I begin to read Fox I feel I fit in so many dianosis's that I over-shoot my target which is to allow the doctors for the 80th (feels like) time to do these painful tests and such.
In mental healing I have looked for T's that are just knowledgeable with DID. Well, I learned that for me that didn't work because they had there own thoughts about DDisorders and so they are stuck in that mode not being able to look at what types of stress I was in. I had to wait and I suppose I will look again until something opens up and provides me the opportunity. Think about the new T's just out of college. They would love to get to know you Fox, I would and have, thankfully....! the medication we got for schizoeffective drowned out all my hopes because I wasn't that!
So sometimes your best teacher is yourself, and a trauma T is the same as a DD T in my opinion. One just knows what she/he is getting into and starts drawing boundary lines and such and the other one learns.... Good Luck ((((Fox)))) Good Luck and remember !
Crew

[Fox]

Crew was treated for schizoaffective too? I'll be looking for a trauma T when we move. It's really hard to accept help when you feel like you know more than the person helping you. I know myself and what I am not. I sorta fit into all sorts of boxes but not completely, so far in my search DID is the best fit. My current T thinks I might even be slightly autistic. Which I wouldn't be surprised if I were, I have a brother who has aspergers. He's also trying to feel me out to see if my symptoms aren't being caused by schizophrenia. He keeps suggesting and I keep saying "maybe, but I don't know". I don't think I have delusions and I'm not paranoid.