[kasva]

maybe people will have some suggestions for me on how to deal with the anger i feel towards the people who hurt us as a child. i was and still am having trouble being angry at just them....the anger keeps coming back at me. somebody suggested writing a letter to them or one of them. we were able to do that.which actually surprised me that we were able to do that. and we felt better while we were writing it but now we are back to wanting to hurt us again. there are so many parts really active right now...its confusing the heck out of me.we get scared when we get mad at them and we dont get scared when we get mad at us. but we know its not right to hurt us either. we would never hurt anybody else...but us thats different.Arrrggg..i just dont know what else to do with this anger. im scared to journal..it brings up too much.k...ill stop rambling....kasva and littles

[pegasus]

Yes, writing a letter is good but how about writing a letter with all the words you really want to use and say in it exactly what you think. Then, you need to make a bonfire and throw the letter in the fire and watch it burn! It is quite liberating!

You can also try other things to deal with the anger. Anger is part of healing and is not an emotion to be stuffed away. So, we need to let it out safely. You can punch a pillow, even draw a face on the pillow if that helps and give it a good thrashing. No harm will be done.

You could try using a wet flannel/cloth, wring it out a bit and then chuck it at the wall, keep chucking it until you feel better.

Exercise can be a good way to relieve the anger, put the anger to good use and go for a really long walk, run, cycle.

Find somewhere that is your safe place where there aren't many people around and then scream. Sounds odd but this can be helpful, to just let it all out.

Painting or colouring, scribbling. Any colour you want on the biggest piece of paper you can find. It does not need to make sense, just draw. Creativity can come from the anger.

Hugs.

[invisigirl]

no advice really.. because I have the same issue. I feel incapable of being angry at others. I can get angry at me, and I can get angry at others for hurting other people, but I feel nothing about those who hurt me.

so just and thanks for posting this.

[objtrbit]

The most cathartic thing for me has been to cry it out at my T's office, usually starting off at anger towards him, then realizing it connects to how I was hurt by parents in the past. It felt so freakin' good to rant about them. I also recorded myself once...that was nice too, I had proof of how angry I was, and that I had very good reasons to be, what my parents and others did was ridiculously wrong.

Anger does eventually come out in other ways for me...sometimes I can get it out through wrestling...that's an awesome sport because it's just so exhausting. (it's all backyard stuff with a friend..donno if you'd be into that kinda thing, but it is fun!). Looking at angry artwork helps me as well.

ah, you said this:

"we get scared when we get mad at them and we dont get scared when we get mad at us."

This part may be triggering, but I'm not sure :/

wow ya know, I bet that's what happened in your past; you got angry at the things done to you by them, and then got puinished or more hurt by expressing that anger. Where else could you go with that anger but yourself? (((kasva)))) I hope you find a good outlet-the release of anger in healthy ways can feel so great. Turning it in on yourself makes the anger build, because as a kid, you never understood why someone would do those kinds of things to you...so I guess a kid would see it as that you deserved it for some reason, when really it was harmful and abusive actions of others.

I hate to see you turn that anger in on yourself;
Pegasus's idea of writing a letter really has helped me in the past too...anything that safely lets you be able to vent about it;

Take care,
-obj

[objtrbit]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

no advice really.. because I have the same issue. I feel incapable of being angry at others. I can get angry at me, and I can get angry at others for hurting other people, but I feel nothing about those who hurt me.

so just and thanks for posting this.

lol, you know I read this, and thought to myself, "how can one feel nothing towards those who hurt them?" I donno, lol, I guess I blanked out or something on that. Went to do this dishes, and then had a "doh!" moment lol:

If a person was never allowed to express anger safely, how can one even bother with anger, for fear of punishment or more conflict? I'm not sure if this is the reason you feel nothing towards those who hurt you, but it would make sense. It made me post a personal note to myself in the "coping with emotions" section....one of my friends has let me talk through a lot of why I'm angry;

you gotta find a safe person in your life who says stuff too you like (just for example...) "you talk an awful lot about how you hurt me, have I ever hurt you?" And then that person needs to validate your anger....I think overtime that helps, I am not knowing lol.

(((invisigirl))))

[sabby]

Just an idea to let out anger in a healthy way.......

I used to go bowling! What a great way to let out anger by flinging a 10+ lb ball down an alley and smashing a bunch of pins...seeing them fly!! It's a good physical workout as well as a mental release of that anger. Picture someone's face on the pins.....aim for them and let loose!

[Michah]

Kasva, I might sound like a total moron here as my knowledge of DID is limited, but is there a personality that can advocate for the other ones, including most importantly the little ones that you speak of?

I don't know if this helps, because I do not have DID, but I do have a lot of voices and people that live inside of me that have different genders, species and ages(This is based on a lot of stereotypical roles - female for sadness, female child for guilt, male wolf for anger, older chinese wise man for insight and logic and so on). I have Aspergers syndrome and part of that is the "fantasy world" that I have generated to deal with certain emotions that I can't explain or understand. I have a wolf that is my anger. He used to be very scary and violent and I would try and run from him in horror, but the more I ignored him, the louder and more aggressive he became.

So, all my voices and people (good and bad) with the central advocate being my "spirit" or "higher person" started to speak to the wolf and pat him. And as I paid more attention to him and asked him questions about why he was so angry, I came to some startling revelations. And once he felt wanted and not so ignored, he became less angry. Rather than push the Anger Wolf away, I embraced him. And then I started to do it with the Sadness woman and the Guilt child and now they even talk to each other. Forgiveness then started to follow for all the people that hurt me. The thing with forgiveness, is that I did it for me, not for others.

As I said, I have NO idea if this even relates to your situation and my deepest apologies if I am making the situation worse or if I sound contrite for it is my sincerest wish NOT to be so, but your post stood out to me.

Could your Little ones write to you or another personality and then write back? It is totally natural for you to feel rage and anger towards people that have hurt you, but there is a way to become more joyful and to experience peace. Takes A LOT of work but it can be done, or I believe so.

Take very good care of your precious selves.......

Michah