[invisigirl]

I have this part... Nina. she is very self-assured and confident and mature. much more of a responsible person than I am. she is convinced that all this 'stuff' about my past is nonsense. my childhood was pretty normal and I have a good family and I'm a pretty awful person for talking about them the way I do.

she is much stronger than me and seems to have an easier time getting off her butt and squaring her shoulders against the world. I rely on her a lot.

she has been present a lot lately. and when she is there during T, it can be rather hard. I feel like I don't belong there. obviously I'm just fine and should really get my butt back home and take care of all the responsibilities that I have neglected while I've been busy moping around. she makes going to T feel very silly. I don't like feeling like that because it makes me feel like I'm wasting time and money.

anyway. I'm not sure how to deal with her. obviously, I feel like she serves a big purpose in my life right now. she kind of keeps me functioning. but is she stuck in denial? or am I really just freaking out over nothing and should just let it go and move on? I don't know...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by invisigirl

I have this part... Nina. she is very self-assured and confident and mature. much more of a responsible person than I am. she is convinced that all this 'stuff' about my past is nonsense. my childhood was pretty normal and I have a good family and I'm a pretty awful person for talking about them the way I do.

she is much stronger than me and seems to have an easier time getting off her butt and squaring her shoulders against the world. I rely on her a lot.

she has been present a lot lately. and when she is there during T, it can be rather hard. I feel like I don't belong there. obviously I'm just fine and should really get my butt back home and take care of all the responsibilities that I have neglected while I've been busy moping around. she makes going to T feel very silly. I don't like feeling like that because it makes me feel like I'm wasting time and money.

anyway. I'm not sure how to deal with her. obviously, I feel like she serves a big purpose in my life right now. she kind of keeps me functioning. but is she stuck in denial? or am I really just freaking out over nothing and should just let it go and move on? I don't know...

I had an alter similar to this. with me this type of alter wasnt in denial. with in me each of my alters had their own patterns, lifestyles, purpose/jobs. When it came to dealing with this alter it took a lot of patience and open mindedness. her job/purpose and reason for being was to deny any abuse or bad times.

The type of abuse I under went included fear factors/triggers. We were told so many times "dont tell or this will happen", for fear of our life should I tell, I ended up splitting into an alter that was created to do just that - not tell, cover up anything that happened, prevent me from seeking help, prevent me at all costs from telling.

during therapy having this alter made things a real challenge. But with time, patience, lots of safety measures and persevering we were able to address my problems. and she was eventually integrated with me.

maybe your nina is this type of alter. keep working with your therapist and take it one step at a time. I know its frustrating at times but it is well worth it in the end.

[Hunny]

Remembering that the process is for all of me is helpful, not just the little ones. We have a work to do and go to work and need to have a certain sense of confidence and know how to behave. She learned to keep the family secrets well in the home of origin. She protected us from the scorn. She really doesn't like it when we tell but mostly she sees it is okay now. It is a form of denial for us or secret keeping but really she is very good at being an average person. How could we do without her? Causing her to feel accepted is a difficult one because it borders on performance to many of us. She likes to get her hair cut and dress nicely. These are some of things we let her do for us. I find this really hard to type since she could be typing this for herself.

So we ask questions and when we go to therapy she may be there for awhile asking her own questions or whatever but after awhile we recognize to get better we need to let her go into the background and let all of the ones that need help come forward. Then doing the deeper work going over the hard times is going to go more smoothly but it takes time to build trust with them, time, time, time. I just want to affirm that she is there, our inner defender and that she can interact with you and your counsellor and we will let ours do the same.

I am wondering what you or other people like to do for their older more confident ones.

[invisigirl]

Originally Posted by Hunny

It is a form of denial for us or secret keeping but really she is very good at being an average person. How could we do without her?

yes. exactly.

Originally Posted by Hunny

I find this really hard to type since she could be typing this for herself.

I felt the same way typing my post!

thank you, hunny and amandalouise. I do appreciate her innate ability to just be normal and sometimes feel a bit envious. I want so badly so much of the time to just be a normal functioning person who is capable of dealing with my life and my responsibilities. but the fact is, I'm just NOT. so I'm thankful for her. but it is so confusing to have this feeling of 'I'm just fine. I need to let go of this fantasy world full of nonsense and just get on with life' one minute and then feel like a sniffling baby the next. it really screws with my sense of reality and knowing what's true and what's not.