it's hopeless

We're dirty, irreparably damaged
empty and dead inside
I don't think I can be helped.
I'm beginning to think of a way...but it's unmentionable here
Crystal

Precious Crystal,

There is hope.. Talk to us. We care about you all

crystal, you are neither dirty not irreparably damaged. yYou can be helped. When do you see T next?

atg

{{{{{ Crystal }}}}}

I know it feels that way sometimes, but we are all here to tell you you are NOT dirty or damaged or any of those false names. All of us here at PC care for you.

You can be helped, hon. It just takes time.

Petunia

((((((((((Crystal))))))))))

You can be helped, trust us all on this.

how can you reserect a dead butterfly or bring back to life a withered dead flower bud?
How can you clean up black india ink on carpet?
There's no way I can see to undo what's been done...what's been done to me and what I have done.
C

Maybe it shouldn't be undone. Maybe you need to be able to see it as part of a wonderful pattern. For example, did you know that when the Amish make a quilt, traditionally they make one mistake deliberately? That becomes part of the pattern.
You are beautiful and special and you can and will be helped to move on.

Caroline

Crystal, how are you doing today?

I am hurting really bad. there just isn't any relief from it. *H* talked with W_I last night and apologized for whatever pain he caused. He knows I am hurting and knows that I don't want him anywhere near me. I came front, but didn't talk to him. He knew the switch. Said the whole atmosphere in the room changed.
I talked to our family Dr who we've been seeing for almost 20 yrs now. I never should have said anything. Now he sees *H* as some terrible person and I never wanted that...
I just keep blowing it. I don't want people to hate him. It's bad enough I don't like him and Amber hates him. But W_I wants to have this marriage work.
So does *H*.
The things he put me through are just way too much for me to deal with. S** and emotionally, psychologically and spiritually abuse really did destroy and kill something inside of us.
I think about other people who have been through so much more. Their abuse by their *H* put them in hospitals or nearly killed them and maybe what happened isn't all that bad, so I should just get over it...Besides, I am to fault just as much as he is. I did my share of hurtful things during that time too. So I guess I have not right to even complain or anything. Guess it's time to get over it all and stop whinning...
Crystal

Hi Crystal

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Guess it's time to get over it all and stop whinning...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I wish it were that easy. Sometimes we think it should be possible and it isn't. I have found it takes time, sometimes lots of time. The other person being sorry helps, but it still takes time. Getting over things takes time.

I'm sorry you are hurting so much. I can hear the pain. I think it is good that H apologized and that W_I and H want to make things work. I don't think you are blowing it. I think you are being honest and facing things. That is hard work and I think you are working hard at it and doing really well.

Be kind to yourself. My dr and my counsellor have both kept telling me that emotional work is really hard to do. You need to be good to yourself while you are doing such hard work.

(((((Safe hugs)))))

Caroline

i see "T" today.
Not feeling very good inside and hope that I will be heard. I can't be heard here at home because H doesn't want to feel "rejected" by us. Can't tell my secret to anyone IRL because they would never understand. T is the only person that posibly listens, and then I'm not sure...
Crystal

Hope your session with T went well. I understand the need to be heard. If it will help, I'm listening and feel free to pm me.

Caroline

hey gotch on no one in real life mums the word got that. our doctor knows a switch easy i think yes ain't no changing if ya ask me jes gotta find some reason don't ask me why i don't know myself. nona

session went ok I guess. T is helping best she can. I am just trying to survive right now. things are more complicated and confusing. i can't find the light at the end of the tunnel if i can't even see that i'm in the tunnel...
crystal

((((((((((Crystal)))))))))

Glad your session went OK. Being without light is tough, I know. I think focussing on survival is a good technique. Be good to you.

Caroline

i can't find the light at the end of the tunnel if i can't even see that i'm in the tunnel...

Do you always trust
Your first initial feeling

Special knowledge
Holds truth that
Bears believing

Then I knew
That the crystalline
knowledge of you

Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like
clear water fountain

It drove me like a magnet
To the sea

Crystal
by Fleetwood Mac

May you find your way to the light...

Petunia

(((((((((((((Crystal)))))))))))))

i'm late but i'm here and i want you to know that i care about all of you guys. you are doing such a great job crystal and you have been so strong and brave. i know that is exhausting. don't give up yet, crystal. you are doing such a good job, even when it doesn't feel like it.

((((((((((((((((((Crystal))))))))))))))))))))))


shadow