Nothing major, except that the cumulative effect is major. I am so damn tired just now. I come home from work (I teach) and there is nothing left in me - physically or emotionally. I am doing what I can to help myself - relaxing in the evening, getting to bed at a reasonable time, but today I woke up feeling tired. My counsellor and dr both say it is because I am doing such a lot of mental and emotional work right now, and I understand that, but somehow I have to find the reserves so that I can continue with a demanding job from day to day. Any ideas? I honestly would like to go back to bed right now, having been up for an hour (it's 7.30am) rather than driving to work and getting on that treadmill again.

Caroline

[allthegirls6]

Caroline,

It is hard to keep going. When you are working with such deep issues the toll on you is enormous. It drains all you have energy wise.

As for advcie................. it seems like you are doing the right things. You need to make sure you get to bed early, that you eat well, that you dont take on more than is humanly possible to do and that you leave the things that dont reall need to be attended to.

Its all good advice, but hard to stick to.

And the best bit of advice, keep practicing that "no" word. I know youve managed it once this week, but try it out with others. When they say "Caroline could you do this, or look at that or sort the next thing" have a thing before you say "yes"!

Im the mean time im sending you energy to help you through the day.

Audrey

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((caroline))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you both.

I have found it really hard at work today. Not least because the complaints officer from the hospital called me today. He was very nice but I still found it hard and was in tears on the phone. He said that the doctor wanted me to go to the follow-up appointment so that he could clarify and apologise. He also said that the community psychiatric nurse wanted to speak to me so that he could explain the decision of the panel. I said I didn't want to talk to that CPN again as I had been so upset but would talk to his superior who my counsellor was in touch with to try to make things easier. I also said I would think about attending for another hospital appointment but I was really scared to do so because the last experience was so bad. (It also necessitates me taking time off work which is never easy). I still don't know what to do. The officer said that maybe it would be better if I saw the consultant rather than the junior doctor I last spoke to. He said the problem with not referring me for psychotherapy was the long waiting list, and I asked whether that would stop someone from being referred for a hip replacement if they needed it. I pointed out that I have battled depression, on and off, for nearly 30 years now and I needed a different level of support. So I am now going to have to wait to hear from the CPN team leader and try to think what I should do about the appointment, which (if I keep it) would be in a couple of weeks I think.
Finding things very hard and have done a lot of crying at work today. Fortunately not in front of the students. At the moment my class is doing a maths test and I really don't feel able to concentrate on doing any of the multitude of jobs I really should do.
I can't cope with feeling this tired all the time.
C

[Gemstone]

{{{{{Caroline}}}}}}}

[allthegirls6]

Tired caroline, the word that jumps to my mind is determined. These guys have called you back from the hospital and you have stuck to your guns!!!!!!!! OMG, can you see it caroline. Youve told them exactly what the problem is and what you expect. You are right, if it was a hip replacement would they just leave you cos there is a waiting list!!!! Of course not. I bet they were squirming when you said that, Caroline, you are standing up for yourself in such a positive way. Im chuckling away here, not at your problem, but at how you are tackling it. You go girl.

Your the tops


(stuff the exam, go get a celebratory drink cos you deserve it)

Audrey

[tamzinrose]

Teaching never seems like an easy job. To be honest, I'd hate it, about as much as I hate being a student. But...I think that you would be a very good teacher, you always seem like one anyway, very helpful and kind and caring and patient...*Hugs* Try not to be so quick to put yourself down. You're a wonderfully lovelyful person.

[CedarS]

Thank you all again but I don't deserve the compliments or the kindness or the hugs or anything else. I need to accept what the hospital have shown me - that I am not worth helping, that they don't see me as needing help (so presumably they think the DID stuff is all made up too). I'm really in crisis tonight and I don't know what to do about it.

[Fuzzybear]

all LIES

(((((( all who are hurting ))))))

[Gemstone]

Can you call your counsellor Caroline?

I tried, Gem, but she doesn't answer her phone outside work hours. I did leave a message, hard as that was. My pastor has his day off today though I might call and leave a message there too but I think they said they were going to be away today anyway.

No options left.

Feels true to me tho fuzzy

[Gemstone]

{{{{Caroline}}}}}

I care about you. I'm here if there is any way I can help at all.

Thank you Gem, but please don't care about me. It's not a good idea, really. You are very sweet and I don't want you to be hurt.

[Gemstone]

Of course I care about you. Nothing could change that. You always try and help me, and you are very sweet yourself.

{{{{{Caroline}}}}}}}

Heres figment to keep you company.

[tamzinrose]

Caroline...if you're around we could chat. I don't think you'd hurt me, and I wouldn't mind if you did, but I really don't think you could... I'm sorry you feel this way Caroline. I hope you feel better soon. *Hugs*

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

AWW Caroline I am sorry ..I pray your pastor calls or you go to chat with Tamirose..I cannot get into chat....you can pm me though..I am a tough butterfly I can take it all....we care about you

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((Caroline)))))))))))))))

I really hope you start feeling better soon. As you know I am also familiar with how the UK Health "Service" sucks....... it is so frustrating, and more so when people from elsewhere maybe don't understand just HOW bad it is. BLECH

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR to infinity

All I can say is that I have had better results when I have DEMANDED help...... it feels degrading to have to do that and it's a negative experience, but sometimes seems the only way to get any sort of result

I know your GP is a "good" one...... but the "help" you are receiving is NOT good ENOUGH..... you know?

[wisewoman]

Caroline, I am sorry you are hurting so. One thing I try to practice is to do the behavior and the rest will come. In this situation it means saying positive things of self, not negative. IE thanks for caring everyone it means a lot. I try to be a good teacher. Things like that. Refuse to put yourself down, there are enough other people who will do it for you. Take care, I wish peace for you.

[Fuzzybear]

Doesn't that make you a "people pleaser" though wise..... I don't mean you, I mean people in general.

I do agree with what you say though..... it's good advice.

Sorry for highjack

[Fuzzybear]

also..... and my former T confirmed that.... in fact told me about it..... I tend to downplay my pain and "disabilities" when seeing quacks... erm doctors. Don't exaggerate, but certainly don't downplay anything either.

Good luck,
Fuzzy

[wisewoman]

BIG OOPS! a big misunderstanding here. I was referring to the way Caroline spoke of herself in negative terms with us, and possibly while alone. Telling yourself you are bad is not helpful. Caring for yourself as though you were valuable MIGHT help you learn that you are valuable. Act as though you are precious and deserve the best and refuse to say mean things to yourself and see what happens.