Nuked Again.

thank you (((((((((((((((((wisewoman))))))))))))))))))))

You're right. I had put that into place, and then the baby came to live with me. It was a "family" action. She does love him very much for now, and was doing alot for him. She's backing away already though. She doesn't usually do that with children until they're 5 or so.

I was feeling so trapped because I couldn't get around contact with her. I needed help and I was dependent on her for it.

I called his father yesterday. I said that they will be getting him twice a week (which they'd already started), and that he'll see to the mother having her time. I'm done. I will keep this baby, of course, but they're going to help me. If they can't, they'll have him with me legally so that I can get the help from the state (headstart) to have the time I need for self to maintain. So, bottom line, they do their part (which includes the mother) or I have him legally. He said it would happen. As I said, they've been doing wonderfully with him. I hope it continues.

Thanks agian!

kd

((((((((((((((((((((((place)))))))))))))))))))))))

thank you so much. I feel that I really have come far. She really, really nuked me...pulling out all the stops...intent was to hurt and anger. however, it never got the better of me and it only had me down a couple of days before I had a plan and began to move past it. Actually, I'm amazed with myself. That says alot to me. Most of me have moved past her and the issues surrounding her.

What I cried over this time? All of the wasted time spent in pain and action over her. The words ring in my ears, "I can't believe you had anything to do with your father knowing what he did to your mother!" I said, "Well, I didn't mom...my entire adult life was spent without him. Are you happy? No! I went to him when he was ill, then dying. I have no regret." All the wasted and lost time for her and it was never recognized...

It's amazing what awareness and acceptance can show one. I see so much of my actions throughout my adult life and how they were intertwined with that childhood. I had no knowledge of that before. Now that I do, I'm making choices based on my needs for TODAY.

Thank you for noticing how far I've come, Place. I so needed that. I really have. I feel it, but it's great to hear still. Thank you for saying that you're proud of me. I haven't heard that one much.

I will keep tough! I've already made it, now I'm making it work.

You, my friend, are amazing. You're such an inspiration. I wish I could take some of your pain from you. You have made it and will continue to as well.

Much love,

KD

OK. So, it's all settled. I talked with little man's parents (my brother and his g/f) and told them that I need the two days per week to be scheduled days that I, he, everyone can plan on. Of course, if things aren't cool, to bring him home that not. He's been very honest so far.

Anyhow, I explained to him that way the mother would know when little man is going to be there and it will be their reponsibility to deal with. It's done!

There is no strings attaching me to her that she can yank. I didn't realize how trapped I was feeling knowing that I HAD to have contact to take care of myself...further, taking care of myself was basically in her hands. She still had control. I was still trapped.

This is a good day.

Thank you everyone for your support!

KD

Kimmy:
Thank you for sharing the how this had progressed.
I believe you will find even greater strength in days to come knowing that you took care of YOU during a time when it didn't seem to you like that is what should be going on.
Please know that we should never have guilt taking care of ourselves. I think all too often that is what our first instinct is so it stains what we are trying to do.
Anyway....((((KD)))

((((((((((((((((((suz)))))))))))))))))))) as always, thanks for the support and understanding.

you've been a rock!

kd

((((((((((((((((((kimmy)))))))))))))))))))

(I hope you can accept the hugs w/o the dirty nappies which go with my stuff)

Thinking of you
Fuzzy

(((((((((((((((((fuzziestbear)))))))))))))))))))

there's nothing dirty about caring. those are caring hugs. you're a good person.

kd