frustrated

<font color="purple"> I posted a while back about setting boundaries with someone. I also posted that it didn't happen, there was a confrontation instead. Since then things have gotten really crazy. I need to give a brief background before I explain what is happening. The person this was about is a professional, a PhD. After the confrontation she really wigged. Sent out nasty emails to several different people, verbally attacking someone that we know, then flip flopping and appologizing then verbally attacking her again in emails to other people. Our T has said no contact with this person, she appears to be dangerous. It appears that she may have actually used hypnosis over the phone with our host (very invovled explanation why we think that, will just leave it at our T thinks its a real possiblity). This person is now coming into the chat room that we spend time in with different screen names with profiles accussing us of all sorts of things. At this point we are still following the no contact rule our T has made, but I am really at a loss for what to do. We tend to isolate dramatically. The chat room is a place where we can have contact with people without feeling overwhelmed or pressured. It also takes us a very long time to begin to talk in the chat room, so simply going to a new one is a hard prospect. I am really feeling like we can't go to the chat anymore. And I hate it!! It is SO not fair. Any suggestions from anyone?</font>

((((((((((((((sera)))))))))))))))

My suggestion is to keep following what your T says. Also, grieve the loss of this formerly safe space for you, give yourself plenty of time to mourn and process. Do you journal or draw? This would be a great time to find ways to express your feelings safely.

It isn't fair at all.

Can you brainstorm with your T other ideas for finding relatively safe contact with people that isn't unduly overwhelming?

I agree that following what your T said is best...also try to do stuff that is fun for you ....sometimes being happy yourself is the best revenge so to speak against someone thats not accepting polite boundaries

hey. does the chat room have a way to ignore people when they rag on you? how about lettin the others you know in chat about them too i wouldn't stand for none of it nona

<font color="purple"> We are absolutely following what our T says, she is right about the safety issue for sure...and probably other things as well. We do journal and some of us draw (I don't)...there has been a lot of journaling around this issue.

Our T will definitely help us in finding some way to cope and move on, find a new/safe way to interact with people etc.</font>

<font color="purple"> Unfortunately, there were no polite boundaries set...there were going to be, but it didn't happen that way. Instead there was a complete loss of the friendship. After the fact though, we learned so many things (and she did some things) that indicate that lossing the friendship altogether is for the best. It's so hard to find something to make us happy though...working on that, but it is hard. </font>

<font color="purple"> There is an iggy feature, unfortunately she comes in with a new name whenever she figures out we have iggied her. There is also a question of whether or not she is the person that has been booting people from the room and freezing accounts. Letting others know was pretty much my initial reaction...I didn't do it, but wanted too. There are 3 other people besides her that are involved. Two of them are completely snowed by her...and so are the rest of the regulars in the room. Just like we were before things got weird. I fear that letting others in the chat know what is going on would only make things worse. Stir up her anger all over again you know? At this point, just staying away is the best option...even if it is not fair or makes it look like she has won. </font>

Sera,

You need to take care of your safety first. Can you stay away from the chatroom for awhile? I'm sorry things turned out that way for you. Some people just aren't safe.

Petunia

Staying completely away sounds like the best plan.

If some people then think that this makes it look like she "won", then they are still in the game. The fact that you have insight and help and can stay out of it, means you are able to stop participating altogether in the game.

In my book, that is a great success right there.