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#1
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Half a lifetime ago I found myself dazed, glazed, and paralized with confusion and anxiety, plopped so hard down on one spot of the couch for so long I wore a hole in it. My vibes were such that the houseplants at either end of the sofa were dying. I'd lost my last anchor, ran out of yolk and didn't know how to feed myself (as it were). Clueless in the spikey black pit afraid to move a muscle and make things worse, cause worse I didn't think I could survive.... It was the mid 70's, women's music was picking up steam, I found Cris Williamson's LP "The Changer and the Changed". Gorgeous music for growth. One song's chorus included the phrase,"Set them freeeeeee" in a soaring sort of way. I howled along day after day while watching fish in a tank. Three months dragged by in a blur. Then, one day, for no reason I could note, I got a new image in my head. Instead of feeling like I was buried under a giant boulder, beating my head bloody trying to butt my way up and out from under, I got the feeling I could change course and tunnel sideways till I got away from the rock that was blocking my path. I think I started being able to breath that day. Ours is not an easy path. Learning to breath and use breath to calm myself down was an important program to install in myself. I made myself notes "BREATH" and put them on mirrors to remind myself of what I was trying to learn. Singing along helped get me going, and keep me going as I gave up trying to be Atlas and accepted my time as a worm - so to speak. Perseverance furthers, this to shall pass, hang in there, etc..
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#2
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hillbunny,
It seems like you got as far down as it is possible to go and then saw a way to make things better. I know what you mean about forgetting how to feed yourself and wearing a hole in the couch! Its making me think about what I am doing and how stuck i am at the moment. I never thought of going sideways, thanks for posting this, its been an eye opener for me. And im glad you have found an easier route. Im off to look for mine. Atg
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