rock and a hard place

I could use some advice on anyone that has ever tried to talk about an issue in psychotherapy that you feel your therapist is very uncomfortable about..and you are blocking discussing it....and you dont know how to process what its doing to you..what a mess..I know he doesn't feel comfortable I can sense it....

I have written it down, it took 3 weeks from when the flashback occurred to just write a couple paragraphs about what was hapening, it's a reliving of something that was buried, and it is so violent and graphic, when it starts to replay I put my arms over my head trying to push it away...but after he read what I wrote...he is very uncomfortable, and I feel so bad trying to know how to process this wihout his help..

I come across this problem alot. First I find out if my therapist is truely uncomfortable with the topic. Its been known to happen that I am uncomfortable with something so I believe without checking with my therapist that they are uncomfortable with the topic. So the first step is to rule out this.

One day I realized SKR was uncomfortable with my cutting. I didn't know if this was just me projecting my feelings into her or not so I asked her and She was up front and told me right out that my cutting scared her and made her uncomfortable. She also explained that the reason she was uncomfortable with this was because she was afraid she would wake up one morning to a call saying I was in a hospital morgue because my cutting lead to my accidental death. So at first I though ok how am I supposed to take care of this now? I asked SKR if I can't talk to her about it then who do I talk to about it. She laughed and said that just because therapists are uncomfortable with something does not mean I have to talk to someone else or not talk about it at all. Therapists deal with lots of things that make them uncomfortable when in the profession of providing therapy. This is one of the reasons therapists have therapists of their own - so they can work out their problems so that it does not effect their clients. In fact All USA therapy professionals have to have a therapist for their self when going through their training, internship and supervision levels of chosen profession. I was to never mind her being uncomfortable and do and say what I need to that will make me feel better and she would take care of herself. She also told me that there are ethics rules that state if the therapist is so uncomfortable with what their clients are working on that they can't remain neutral and help the client through a problem then they have to transfer the client to another therapist qualified to help the client with that problem.

I watch LL sometimes when she is reading things that I write. I thought I could tell what she thought of what she was reading my her facial expressions and so on. But that isn't always the case. LL told me that sometimes what I write reminds her of something not related to me. Sometimes its about a message she recieved on her voicemal or another client or something in her personal like and those thoughts of hers may not always be about the content of what is reading or what I am telling her.is. Therapists are human and can jump of topic just like clients and other people can do like my sitting with someone and my mind suddenly wanders off topic from hearing or seeing one word . Reading one word or phrase can trigger a thought totally off the subject of what is being wrote and read about. In fact I had a thought of topic at my last session with LL. We were talking and suddenly I saw in a window pane the reflection of a squarrel playing on a wire outside and in the middle of saying something switched topics and I commented on that squarrel. That squarrel had nothing to do with the topic but yet it happened. This kind of thing can happen to therapists just as much as it happens with clients.

So (((((((((((Evangelista))))))))))) my suggestion is talk with your therapist to rule ot "projection" and the possibility that his mind went off topic while reading.

if your therapist is truely uncomfortable to the point where he cannot help you with the problem discuss transferring to a new therapist.

Thank you ((Myself))

Your insight helped me allot. I talked to my Therapist this afternoon, and brought up this issue, finally. He reaffirmed that what I was probably sensing was his personal reactions to what I related in my writing, and his therapeutic approach as he witnesses me trying to process the incident. I guess I was projecting my own inability to process this onto him, sometimes with this stuff its like pulling teeth, the dissociative proccess kicks in a selective mutism, literally shuting down my ability to relate to him what it is I am feeling...I get the deer in the headlight thing going..and I stop talking or loose my voice..and I am at a loss on how to release the block this creates..usually once I have narrative going about the trauma and can identify the feelings, images, then it processes and it will loose some of it's energy, but until I start to talk it thru..its an awful place to be stuck in...kinda like a silent tornado that no one can see but you..

Thank you Myself