[kimmydawn]

Whenever I've read about DID, I've read that most, or all, DID'ers are suggestible. I always took offense to that statement. It made me feel defensive.

However, t very softly and carefully pointed out to me how I can be suggestible. I so get it now. At first, I felt extremely defensive, but the point he used was not disputable.

I stand very firm on what I feel I know...truly know within me (which at times isn't alot...lol). People IRL can get so frustrated with my stubborness or how unmoveable I am on many things.

However, I realised, with t's gentle guide, that I am suggestible (even highly as the books say ). The point he used to help me to see this was my little man.

Now, that I've put separation between the mother and I and his parents are seeing him more and this baby is very happy, I told t that I realised she was keeping me worried and upset with her "worst case scenerio and drama thinking". I told t that I was much calmer about the entire situation. I would think "what if she's right?" and act on it. We were, of course, talking about a precious child.

T pointed out (for the first time) that people like me usually are highly suggestible. Her statements were aiding in my going against what I felt to be ok, to actions in an attempt to prevent some unknown. Even though I felt as though everything would be fine, and had fact to back it up, her suggesting the "what if's" were keeping me in turmoil and acting against what I truly felt. It clicked!

However, I feel it's that same suggestibility, and what it touches deep inside of me, that allows me to "feel" for others so deeply and helps me to reach out in relation. Even though it can keep me undecided, it's not an insult at all. It can actually be a good thing. I've always known that there's not much that I can't relate to from somewhere inside of me.

I need to work on which type of suggestibility that I would like to curb. I would like to curb that which makes me doubt myself or keep me in turmoil of some kind. But I certainly wouldn't want to curb at all the type of suggestibility that allows me to feel so deeply for others through a very special relation.

Not only is it not an insult, it can be a gift! It's a gift for those in my life, and for me.

Too cool.

KD

[hillbunnyb]

Good morning KD. I hope hubby is over the hump and well on the way to healing. I'm gonna have to look into how you use the word "suggestible"... but, in the meantime, I have some thoughts... 1) I feel like our sensitivities make us what people call empaths. Literally feel each others pain, happiness, etc..
At some point I caught on that just because I felt something didn't mean it was mine. Then I learned it had to do with boundaries: ie: I didn't have any. I had to learn how to tell me apart from thee. Given the many mes, this was/is quite a puzzle. 2) re: "What if" and worst case scenarios: one of the only sermons I remember from my childhood was titled: "What if, the two saddest words in the english language". I might add: the two scariest!! I remember driving home on a dirt road years ago and seeing a neighbors horses running loose. I immediately assumed their house had burned down , or something jsut as horroble.
By the time I got to their house to check it out, I was fried, sweating, in a panic, figuring I was gonna have to deal with hell or something. I was shocked when I came around the bend and all was quiet. So then I figured they had died or or or. By the time I got down the hill to their house and they came out to greet me, like normal, I was just shocked. Oh everything's alright. Oh. What a concept. They'd turned the hoses loose on purpose. Would never have occurred to me.
Boy, did I run to the doc with that one next appointment.!!
There is that level where we do create our world, huh? Good going kd. Have fun sorting it out. I had to laugh at how much me wasn't me after all.... (I much prefer the stripped down model!)

[misty]

kd

skylrks

[kimmydawn]

hillbunny,

Thank you so much for your response. I WAY liked the way you explained it as well. I so agree! When I first began to see T, I had no boundaries either. I mean none! After alot of hard work, I put several in place. I couldn't keep up. I just couldn't.

Thank you for sharing how far we can go with the "what if" questions. I think mine get alot worse the higher my overall anxieties are.

Thank you for asking after hubby. He's SLOWLY coming around. The drugs are helping, but dragging him down a bit. Right now, he's opting for the lesser of two evils...being the drugs.

I hope you have a good nite!

KD

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((((((larks)))))))))))))))))))

you're most welcome! thank you too

kd

[kimmydawn]

Since this "understanding" has clicked with me, I can see several ways in which I can be suggestible.

It's made me more aware that parts of me are affected more than I knew before.

I think this is going to open up a whole new phase in my "total" awareness.

The awareness is growing. It's cool, but it's also disturbing sometimes to have that type of inside look. Cool or disturbing, important I think.

KD

[hillbunnyb]

Good morning KD! I started working with a very special Dr 17 years ago doing neural integration (controversial of course). One thing he said, re: the whole context of what we were doing, was, "You are going to see, understand, things other people take for granted". Made me feel special. Yeh, we got to go through each little piece, first find them, then turn them face up so we can see what they are, then try to figure out where they fit in the total puzzle that is us.

On my first appointment with him, he asked if I was afraid of anything. I chuckled, in my best: born in NY, I've seen it all, nothing phases ME! chuckle and said, "Huh?' He said, "You know, like heights?" I said, "Oh, well, yeh, I hate small sapces."

Before you could say "Boo", I realized I was afraid, ie triggered by EVERYTHING. Whhhoooeeee, taht ws a shocker to wrap my brain around. But it was true. Once I was able to identify being triggered (first I had to create a safe space to learn what it was to NOT be triggered.....) I was on the road to healing.

I had to decide I was my life's work. (And worth the effort.)

I had dissociated from all my senses. In order to respond to life, I routed everything through my brain. I was araid to just accept input from them because all of them had sent me such life threatening news since I was born.

I've literally had to remake myself. I am my own work of art.

Like other art projects, or any creative eneavor, time is irrelevant. Letting go of time in this culture is hard, but not impossible. Being fascinated by my being (and other beings, for we all are really one) makes it sorta thrillling. I think I get endorphins when I figure something out.

Nobody can take more than one step at a time, huh?

[JustBen]

Yeah, I've never liked the term "suggestible". Doesn't seem to be the right word at all. Makes people defensive.

[kimmydawn]

hillbunny,

I so appreciate your posts! I learn something new every time, and look at myself in a different light as I try to relate.

I, too, have literally had to recreate what was instinct for me. It was instinct for me to do/say/react in ways that weren't helpful anymore and quite frankly, not good for me. T and I discussed that many times...almost a re-training of childlike emotions, reactions, fears, etc.

I've come so far in that I think. I can now blend my emotions with my intellect for a better outcome.

Thank you again for sharing!

KD

[kimmydawn]

Ben, I'm with you. It makes me feel very yucky. You know it's said that those who survived as I have are strong, creative, etc. That just stands out as opposite for me. It FEELS yucky to hear or read.

KD