how come what i want doesn't count

just all urrrrg and blah

so i go to t and he's all like do the looking thing and it's just like why the hell would i want to do that. have absolutely no idea. and he's like so you're not invisible and you can make connections. and i just have absolutely zero interest in connecting to people. I DONT WANT THAT. and he's all like what about the "others" ask inside and just URRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG. and i'm like i know things get all messed up sometimes cause there's no friends and he's like yes they get very messed up. BUT I DONT WANT FRIENDS. I DONT WANT ANYONE NEAR ME. and he doesn't talk more about it. just keeps pushing to do the stupid looking thing WHICH I HATE. and the whole thing is just major URG. like sure sometimes there's distress over being alone. but what if I get distressed by being with people. WHY do we hafta do the not being alone stuff. WHY doesnt what i want count.

Ah yes the looking thing - I can manage a brief glance occasionally - I can understand completely when you say what is wrong with not connecting, if connecting feels worse - but I hold on to the hope that maybe if I can learn to connect then oneday that will feel safe and even nicer than being alone.

Being alone feels safer right now, but deep down I don't think that is really what I want for me in the long term - which I guess is why I keep going to T.

((((((((((Dinos))))))))))) sending safe thoughts and warm feathers your way.

When I can't look at T I look at the floor and she sticks a foot in! Didn't want to see that she was sitting there much less that she is sitting there in funny looking shoes.

Many of the therapy patient's bill of rights have a provision like this one:

A therapy patient has the right to a written treatment plan that should be created together with the therapist and utilized, with necessary amendments and changes, throughout the course of therapy. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/therap...ill-of-rights/

Another formulation of a consumer's right to participate in treatment decisions provides:

Determination of Treatment
Recommendations regarding mental health and substance abuse treatment shall be made only by a duly licensed/certified professional in conjunction with the individual and his or her family as appropriate. Treatment decisions should not be made by third party payers. The individual has the right to make final decisions regarding treatment. http://www.healthyminds.org/Main-Top...of-Rights.aspx

John M. Grohol, Psy.D., in his discussion of Psychotherapy, states:

Most psychotherapy tends to focus on problem solving and is goal-oriented. That means at the onset of treatment, you and your therapist decide upon which specific changes you would like to make in your life. These goals will often be broken down into smaller attainable objectives and put into a formal treatment plan. Most psychotherapists today work on and focus on helping you to achieve those goals. This is done simply through talking and discussing techniques that the therapist can suggest that may help you better navigate those difficult areas within your life. Often psychotherapy will help teach people about their disorder, too, and suggest additional coping mechanisms that the person may find more effective. (Emphasis added) http://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/

Perhaps it is time for you and your therapist to review your treatment plan to allow you to address your goal of connecting to people, as your signature quote suggests?

Hi Dinosaurs,

I think what you want does count very much...but from your quotes underneath your signature...I'm not sure but that connections, very safe connections...are not what you really do want.

I've lived inside my walls for almost 6 years now, and briefly got out for a while and was with others for a while--and it was glorious. I truly believe that connections are the answer...on our own terms and with the right people. I believe what Soup Dragon said to you. And, I think maybe, just maybe, you are fighting being told and pushed so hard by your T. I used to do the same thing until it happened 'naturally'.

I often do not look at my T for a whole session, and leave and feel empty and so alone... I hope you don't feel that way.. I used to think I NEVER wanted to be out, or was not safe to be around, or never wanted to be around other people again...it hurt too much, and was just too confusing, and I didn't know how. I used to never look people in the eye and wonder why I always knew what people said and what shoes they wore, but not remember their faces...

Now I am back inside the walls, and it hurts so much worse since I was out and know the difference in what it can be like. Being out of my walls had its own set of drawbacks and problems, and it was not easy, but it was like being free. Now, I want to be free again one day...soon.

I actually asked my T to hold out his hand the other day so I could touch his finger tips...like somehow to connect and get him to remember that I was still in here. And in a way, he's the only one that knows that I'm here, or what I can be, or where I am...I don't want to be forgotten in here...

I hope that you will find connections with your therapist again, with us, and maybe in a small, controlled group setting with others like you, or one-on-one with people who are similar...that are safe for you..and building on those experiences...you will become braver and braver with each new experience over time. That's the way that I finally made it out--and hope to again one day.

I wish you only healing, only freedom, and some peace and joy, only friendship, understanding, and companionship, and connections on your terms--and no one else's. I don't think we can truly heal in a vacuum or without the support and guidance of others...I think we are hard-wired to be connected in one way or another, to ourselves and to others, but that is only my single, lone opinion...having seen the other side and living in here again.

Maybe holding on to that vision of freedom and the way your heart will expand and grow and feel contentment and joy, will help you be a little braver and try just a little, to make a few small connections that feel safe to you.

Please don't laugh, but I always picture my heart growing like the Grinch's in the Grinch Who Stole Christmas movie when it grows to like 3X it's size in that little red box, until it busts that box wide open after he returns all the gifts and Christmas trees and stuff to the little Whos down in Whoville... lol

I hope this made some sense, somehow....and brought some hope. Sorry it was so long.

Most Respectfully,

Wysteria Blue

((((((((( dinos ))))))))))

thanks for all the comments both here and in the psychotherapy forum. unfortunately no one has actually understood what i was trying to ask (rather unclearly).

my problem is that there are two parts with very strong and totally opposite goals. for a multitude of reasons we are working towards one set of these goals. have tried explaining many times to the other part why that is and why it is good for us. but it apparently results in that part feeling unimportant and neglected and invisible and like it doesnt count. i am wanting to know how other people deal with situations like this where by necessity one part has to lose out continuously.

Personally, I think it’s a bad idea to work on one parts goals and not another‘s. I can see how it would be difficult to please both parts when there are two completely separate goal-plans. But some kind of compromise must be found. The problems that can surface because a part feels left out or unappreciated just aren’t worth it.

Two separate goal-plans… Is there any way to incorporate both? Would it be possible to work on them alternately? Is there something one part would settle for while another works on their goal-plan?

It’s just my personal opinion but communication, co-operation, negotiation, and compromise worked out with your whole-self is the way to go. That way no part feels neglected or left out and therefore has no need to express aggression or retaliation towards yourself or any other part.

On the other hand if one part wants to be a doctor and another part want to be a lawyer, that’s just too impractical. Some kind of compromise must be reached.

It really makes me angry when everybody else thinks that they know best and what I think is best just gets ignored. Sometimes I can be like a team player and try to understand and go along with it, but sometimes I just have to put my foot down and say no, I'm not doing that. Makes me mad when nobody listens to what I want. Sometimes I can try to get others to listen to my reasons instead but sometimes just doesn't work. It's just something we still have conflicts about. ~ Ivy

(((((((((Dino's))))))))))))))

Actually dino that makes a whole lotta sense. In our system when we have 2 or more opposing viewpoints about a situation in "the world" or "opposing view points when running this body etc... WE often have to form a committee, parts that are not with any of the 2 or more opposing viewpoints with the particular viewpoint and have these parts look at what is the same and where the problem comes from, which journaling helps BIG TIME when opposing viewpoints happen.

I hope this helps and I am understanding your ? embarrassed I would be if this wasn't what you were talking about... Hang in there (((dino's))))))

Hey that is a really great ? btw, and hey we have missed you
Crew