[confused43]

hi
this past yr has been aufull. i have had to stop college because i was seeing my stepfather in my car and school and he is dead. i have also thought i saw my best friend from high school. the place i went to college is near were i grew up. and i am living very close to my mom but it is okay and freaking me all at once.i was also failing the classes. i want to start up gain in the fall though. i dont have a therpist because most therapist i have had do not kno how to treat dissociation. right now i am depressed and embarrassed. embarrassed because my friends daughters friend came to visit today. my friend's daughter was DID and she killed her self . well i switched in the middle of the visit and it was noticeable . i have been crying most of the day and have had suicidal and self harm thoughts from some time. i dont know what to do. i have also passed out because i am so stressed. my boyfriend doesnt understand my mental health issues. he doesnt understand when i dont want him to touch me. even though i have tried to explain it. i feel so lost and alone. please help...

My last therapist knew nothing about Dissociative Identity Disorder but together the two of us did amazing work together and it didnt seem like work at all. You can find a good part of our research material pinned to the top of this message board subject line Resources. Its a list of books, facilities, websites, and so on on a variety of topics that apply to working on Dissociaciative Identity Disorder. You can also find my information about this and my therapy program on my blog called me myself and I. I have not put all the info on the blog yet but my therapy program involved journaling, playing with playdough, doing workbooks like amongst ourselves and the courage to heal, learning a variety of relaxation techniques, when out biking and walking look around and try to locate one new thing I didn't see the day before, even cooking was used as an opportunity to stimulate all five of my senses at the same time. I love making pistachio torte because its hands on literally with a variety of textures, temperatures, smells and so on....

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((confused43))))))))))))))
I am so sorry you are struggling. Flashbacks are difficult for sure. Is it possible for you to go to a college in another area so you may not be triggered as easily?

Do you have the possibility of finding a therapist? Even one who is not as knowledgeable about DID, but is supportive and non judgmental will give you the support you really need and deserve.

I'm so sorry you were embarrassed over the situation with the other lady. That is hard. If her mother was DID, perhaps she has a better understanding than most about what happened?

I wish you much peace this year and hope you can find help for your situation. We are here to support as we can.

Take care,

[confused43]

thanks for the support. I am doing better today. Lately i just want to be left alone but there is always someone around. i am working on going back to school but the only college that is near by and has a BSW program in an hour from me . in a place where i was raced for part of my life. i can't find any other place that is within an hour and has that major. the next closes is 2hours away. i have enough problems commuting and doing HW with 1 hour i can't imagine 2. i wish i would just sleep and never wake up ever again. i have used alot of coping skills in the past but they are just bandaids. nothing really helps me. thanks again for your replys.