[Claritytoo]

There is a part of me that is rage full he has always been there when I needed him. I talk to him, he don't talk. He just steps in. I have been trying to work with my therapist. Most of the time when an alter presents they are angry or rage full. I want to move forward and prehaps work with with emdr but I am afraid I will be consumed by my rage. It feels like I am always just a moment from exploding when I am in session. I am concerned that I could be aggressive toward my therapist. I have expressed this to her. And a few times I have had to stop talking so my anger did not turn to rage. I don't trust that I can be experiencing feelings of rage and not direct this to who ever is in the room. Is this fear common? I have already told my therapist my rage does not want to be touched. That is a definite trigger to become aggressive. There is a part of me that tells me I will be fine but collectively I don't believe it. I have thought about hypnosis or something that will allow my rage out without giving up full control. Has anyone had a similar experience? In this I feel alone.

I feel like I wrote this... weird.

Word for word of exactly what I am experiencing. I am also terrified of becoming "out of control" with my therapist. Or hurting myself in front of her. I did that with my old therapist, but he was not trained well at all. If it became too stressful I would run out of his office, just so I didn't turn into a monster. I feel like I am possessed in those times. Like I need a priest more then I need a therapist.

I don't have much advice other then to bring it up with your therapist, maybe she can help. Maybe she can assure you she is trained and it's normal? I don't know if we're both experiencing the same exact thing it must be pretty popular in DID.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

There is a part of me that is rage full he has always been there when I needed him. I talk to him, he don't talk. He just steps in. I have been trying to work with my therapist. Most of the time when an alter presents they are angry or rage full. I want to move forward and prehaps work with with emdr but I am afraid I will be consumed by my rage. It feels like I am always just a moment from exploding when I am in session. I am concerned that I could be aggressive toward my therapist. I have expressed this to her. And a few times I have had to stop talking so my anger did not turn to rage. I don't trust that I can be experiencing feelings of rage and not direct this to who ever is in the room. Is this fear common? I have already told my therapist my rage does not want to be touched. That is a definite trigger to become aggressive. There is a part of me that tells me I will be fine but collectively I don't believe it. I have thought about hypnosis or something that will allow my rage out without giving up full control. Has anyone had a similar experience? In this I feel alone.

I had a few violent alters and times when I was afraid I would lose control even though I was fully aware. my therapist and I talked about my fears of losing control and becoming violent during therapy. we made plans so that I was safe. for example she made sure our sessions were held in the agencies children's room. this room had these large mats hanging on the walls, throw pillows, bean bags, nerf balls.. soft things that would not break. now that she's in private practice we dont have that safe room but we manage with pushing the hard furniture aside and using the cushions. she also makes sure one of the people in the office next door is in during my sessions in case we need emergency help. we also had / have a contract (signed agreement that was signed by all within (before I was integrated) stating if any of us felt like we were going to explode we had to give our therapist time to locate a safe place in her office or in the agency building for us to do it in and safe items for us to do it with. the contract is now only signed by one since we are all integrated and I still give her notice when Im ready to explode so that she can do what she needs to do to keep both her and I safe and allow me to explode at the same time.

[Victom4ever]

[mary shelly]

As I have sat here and read through the posts, I have an overwhelming urge to cry. I've never admitted that I have these 'episodes' finding myself somewhere with no idea how I got there, conversations I don't remember having, and then there is the angry me, I'm scared then. I've said and done things that 'I' wouldn't dream of doing. I've never told any of my psycs about those experiences, I was worried that I would be thrown in some institution and never let go. My Grandmother got sent, and she never made it out, I didn't want it to be me. Not sure I feel any better after getting these words out, I may just be more confused

Originally Posted by mary shelly

As I have sat here and read through the posts, I have an overwhelming urge to cry. I've never admitted that I have these 'episodes' finding myself somewhere with no idea how I got there, conversations I don't remember having, and then there is the angry me, I'm scared then. I've said and done things that 'I' wouldn't dream of doing. I've never told any of my psycs about those experiences, I was worried that I would be thrown in some institution and never let go. My Grandmother got sent, and she never made it out, I didn't want it to be me. Not sure I feel any better after getting these words out, I may just be more confused

Try not to diagnose yourself, you'll just end up scaring/confusing yourself more. People can have these types of "mood" shifts from things like bipolar. And everybody dissociates to a certain extent. There is such things as ego states that can present as feeling like different people. And extreme borderline can cause splitting and even borderline psychosis. I would encourage you to tell people about these times though... and let them make the diagnosis.