Has this happened to anyone

My therapist talked to one of my alters on the phone. The t asked her what kind of music did she like, and what kind of food did she like. But my alter didn't know what the therapist was asking. My alter had no concept of music or food. She told the t she didn't eat and started to cry after trying to figure out what music was. She was upset that she did not know what these things were because she thinks she should have. I (host) know what these things are so why didn't my alter? Has something like this ever happened to anyone. Where an alter doesn't understand the concept of a particular thing? Like music. Please let me know if this sounds possible. Thanks. (Sorry for referring to her as my alter but she doesn't have a name that I am aware of)

I had lots of people inside that didn't have a clue what food, clothes, music, or other things in the "outside world " were. They were not there for those purposes.

They were there for internal safety mechanisms that were critical to my well being and were not supposed to know those things. Other people inside took care of those things for them if needed and covered for their lack of knowledge.

For whatever reason your alter didn't know and that is perfectly okay.

One of the best tools I learned in therapy was to let each person know that it was okay to for them to know whatever it was that they knew, and to tell them I was proud of whatever they did. (whether or not I knew what their job was) I knew enough to know they helped to keep me alive and that was enough.

I hope this helps.

Tell the sad one I am sending hugs if they are acceptable.

if not then whatever good thing is.

Thank you, It does help. I still feel very confused inside. She was very upset when she couldn't figure out what music was. I was trying to tell her but she had no conceptual knowledge of it. I find myself feeling afraid just writing this. She also has never spoken out loud before. I think all of this was very overwhelming for her and I will let her be to herself so she can feel better. I did tell it was ok she doesn't know.

Yes.. and the food thing often happens to be a subject within, that some do not want.. while some find it useless and would rather be doing something other than eating... while others don't even think of food.. there are many ranges within this shell...

yes I had a few alters that were time/date/ era / or other fixed where they were stuck in the time frame of their age, or purpose/job and could not understand things were different now.

examples

a 2 yr old alter whos job and purpose was to cry. and only cry. she could not be any other way

a 16 yr old who smoked, partied and looked for guys and thats all her job purpose was.

A 13 yr old alter who despite my living in the city was living in the country mentally. she could not learn to lock the doors because in the mountains we never had locks on the doors, could not understand we didnt have a garden to weed because we were in the city. to her the city wasnt her home, and wasnt in her memories.

Alters are created for a purpose or to do a job that the host cannot handle at that moment.

that child alter of yours may not be able to understand anything beyond what she was created for because how she is, is what you needed when she was created.

Is there any reason for me to introduce her to music? Will this help us or just confuse us? Is it better for her if I just accept her as she is? She is hiding right now because she wasn't able to understand what food or music was. I tried to tell her but she had no concept of either of them. I am giving her time to feel better. She became very upset and started to cry. She never cries. She is always happy and optimistic. She is aware of me and some of the others. But she also has no negative thoughts or emotions. She is very innocent. I don't ever remember being this innocent. I am worried about her. I want her to feel safe but I don't know what to do. Your insights help me. Thank you

((((Claritytoo))))

Thank you for your post. I have one that is five and she did not know what an answering machine was because back then there were no answering machines. She dialed our therapist telephone number that was laying out by the phone and when the answering machine came on she started to talk to her but my t was not there but it was her voice on the answering machine. My five year old was scared, confused, and crying saying talk to me, talk to me, and my t saved it on her machine until I went in so I could hear it.

We did explain it to her that our t was not there at the time but that it was a machine that let our t know that she called. I am not sure she ever understood it as it happened over and over again. But we did try to explain it to her. It happened with my friends cell phone too because she just did not get it or understand how their voice would answer but not talk to her. I think trying to explain or show them is okay and could help them to begin to connect to the present.

Also I have some that carry our eating disorder that just cannot understand the importance of eating because they never did know eating was important. Even today they will often carry that on the same even though I do have co-consciousness with them. They can learn with time but sometimes it takes a long time.

So many of those within me still live back in that time and do not realize I have grown up. They do not know where we are and are scared to death. Some within I have given new jobs because what they did hurts us more today than helps us. It took a long time to get them to trust enough to change but it is possible. But each one of us are different and what may work for one person may not work for someone else.

Your question was good, thank you for asking. I am not sure if anything I have said helps but I hope it lets you know that you are not alone. Know we are listenig and care. Sending you gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps

thank you. I am glad my insights help you.

your questions - Im sorry but only you, your internal system and your treatment providers know whether there is any reason for you to things to your alters.

for some people it helps for others it doesnt.

whether it is better for you to accept her as is or not again is a personal choice that only you, your system and your treatment provider knows which is best. for some people acceptance as is works best for other making changes works best.

my suggestion - talk with your treatment provider. they can help you figure out where to go from here.

Thank you all for your help. When I was first diagnosed I felt alone but coming to this site and being able to share with people who are having a similar experience eased my mind and enabled me to accept what I already knew. Thanks again.

You can even consider asking this little one if she would like to know what music is. Giving her the choice empowers her and hopefully will take away some of that fear she may be feeling about now knowing what something is. Even if she decides for now that she doesn't want to know, keeping the option open for her for whenever, if ever she is ready also will give her a sense of being able to make a choice.

Thank you, I never considered that. It sounds like a very positive way for me to work with her.