Can't Think Of A Title For This....

I feel very leery about posting here. I have an issue with disclosing the fact that I am DID. I am not ashamed, it's just that most people just don't understand or even believe DID is real. So I have to be cautious.

I spend 99% of my days hiding that there are others inside. It's very hard work, it takes all my strength and it's very emotionally and physically draining. In saying that, hopefully whoever reads this will understand how hard it is for me to even post here, about this subject, and be gentle...

But, that's kind of beside the point of this thread. I just wanted to throw that out there because I'm afraid of being judged or anything...

Anyway, today my T said that I will never be able to have any kind of control unless I get to know everyone that's in my system. When I asked how I am supposed to do that, he said he didn't know.

I am really,really trying to get to know everyone, but I am not making very much progress. And I feel so frustrated and discouraged with the whole thing and I feel like giving up.

It would be much easier if they all just announced themselves. But that's not the case, so I'm really not sure what to do.

Any ideas or suggestions?

Hi I am having a similar experience. For years I have had hundreds of racing thoughts. Sometimes on the same subject just a different perspective and other times completely different subjects all running through my head at the same time. When I started therapy my therapist said the same thing and I didn't know where to begin. Along with the thoughts I was also having huge anxiety attacks. I started taking Xanax and that eased my anxiety but I still had racing thoughts that I couldn't understand because they were coming so fast. I started taking a very low dose of Zoloft for to help slow down the thoughts. That slowed down my thoughts so after a while I could tell the difference between who was saying what. When I stop taking the Zoloft my thoughts start racing and I am back where I started. Explain your concerns to your therapist and ask if low doses of medication can help. It helped me and I don't like medication. But I take it so I can work with my system. Take care.

( ( ( lost in thought ) ) )
I/we want to let u know that you and those within are not alone.
There are times that I do not post but come here to read and learn the one simple fact.
WE ARE NOT ALONE ! WE MAY NOT BE SIDE BY SIDE in real life but the internite has brought us together.

The Rules that those within me go by.
Number One Rule for getting to know those within.
Remember that each one feels just like you do.
They have the right to be afaird. give them time and space to learn to be safe.
Number Two :
In a safe place we keep the tools that all within can use to allow the rest of us to learn about each other.
These tools are:
journals or notebooks to write in.
drawing paper or coping paper to draw on
penicals, pens, crayans of many colors
arts and crafts supplies and coloring books
Iteams that make those within safe like stuffies and a warm blanket.
Number three:
Remember That we did not become who and what we are over night nor even no matter how much we hope can we undo what happen to us over night.
Above all else it is time to take care of yourself in the way it should of been all those years ago.

Thanks.It's good to know I'm not alone.

I do know some of the others in my system, but I'm having problems with the rest of them.

Dear Lostinthought,

It took me a long time to share with just a few people I was DID though back then It was MPD. I was terrified. Even today I am very, very cautious about who I tell and where I share that information.

Due to my current situation, most of the people in my life, except my Therapist and Psychiatrist, think I am no longer DID. I keep it that way for safety's sake. It's so much easier. Exhausting yes. But easier.

Anderson really covers the basics on getting to know the system/people/alters inside.

One of the things I did was collages without worrying about who was doing what and let whoever wanted to sign them sign them. Sometimes they signed them and sometimes not.

I had to build trust inside just like I had to build trust with my therapist on the outside.

My people loved teddy bears and dolls. So, I let them pick out inexpensive teddy bears and dolls and name them. Then when they wanted to express themselves they would grab their particular bear or doll and talk through them.

All of this took time. It was one step at a time. Slow and sure won the race.

The most important lesson I had to learn was to be trustworthy and safe so the others would actually let me know them. That took time and effort. It was worth every minute of the work.

I hope I haven't overloaded you. This is just my experience. I did tons of drawing and writing and all the things Anderson did too.

Good Luck.

I hope you keep posting.

Firts off...(((*HUGS*)))to you...I want you to know that i am very eager to write this to you...bear with me here...for we are writing on a whim and may not make much sense...we have do exactly what you just described and i am honestly just starting to come to terms that i have others within...as some of us call them...we know that we can soo relate to you and what you are dealing with...and my T keeps telling me that it takes a lot of time, practice, and a lot of work to get to know all of your parts...we are currently in the process of admitting that we have DID...and that the abuse even happened...we have been hiding for soo long it seems as though we have been in a "coma" of sorts...now what i am getting at is in T...we are working on a callaboration of somekind...where i am identifying and reexamining...their purpose and how they feel, what their story is...etc...so i ask them all...if they would be willing to come out and make or write something that is all of their own...and so far i am learning a lot about me and my parts...and its an effective way for us all to come out and still be partly in control...we really hope that this makes sense to you...if not feel free to PM me any questions you have...i feel a lot that what i write does not make much sense to other people who read it...but i suppose the main reason i wrote this is because...i totally understand and i can very much so relate to what you are saying...because i have had to hide this for soo long...and trust me...you are not alone at all!!!well take care and we really hope that this helps you...sending warm and safe (((*HUGS*)))

I agree with anderson. Art is a very effective way to get to know one's system. If you've written in a journal at any point in your life and you're able to find it and read through it, you may begin to notice patterns of differing writing styles, handwriting and narrative voices (like when different characters in a book talk, you can often tell them apart by how the words they choose and how they structure their sentences and paragraphs.)

Since I was a kid , I've written songs and recorded them at home and looking back now, I can see who was doing what, how different parts of me think and express themselves and it seems they collaborate in different ways, too, which has shown how different parts are capable of communicating and working together. Recognizing those things has helped so much in a short time in working towards organizing the system and getting to know everyone. Without art and music, I'm sure it would've been much more of a challenge.

If you don't feel comfortable doing art projects or writing, trying to listen objectively to your own thoughts while doing different things you do every day may prove helpful. Is there a voice speaking in your mind? Is there more than one? Do they sound like you or like someone else?

Write down your findings (even just making lists or some kind of chart that makes sense to you) and keep them in a safe place where you'll be able to find them when you need to know something or you have some time to think about it all. The more you figure out, the more you'll figure out.

I wish you much success in getting to know yourself. It can be a grueling process but you're almost guaranteed to surprise yourself.

Im sorry I dont agree with your T saying you will never have any control unless you get to know your system.

point one - your statement that you can hide them 99% of the time. thats being in control. if you werent you wouldnt be able to do that.

point two- I wasnt able to get to know all my alters. I didnt have hardly any co consciousness (awareness of the alters, communication with alters, getting to know the alters, sharing with the alters...)

it is possible to work from different sides. Those that dont have consciousnesses can still work on grounding, triggers, trauma, every day life issues.. doing these will enable a non co conscious person to gaim more control over their system.