Is any body else's primary not there core?

I have been wondering for a long time now if I am really different or if there are others out there like me.

My primary interactive personality is NOT my core personality. The person who is the adult, interacts with the world and makes all the decisions and lives life on life's terms is not the core.

The core is a child who will never grow up. She is pre-adolescent and well protected from the world. She interacts under very strict circumstances with our nieces and occasionally with other children.

This was decision made a long time ago and it works really well.

But am I the only one out there with this setup? Sometimes I get tired of never being able to talk about it.

I hope someone will have something to say cause I am lousy at letting people know how vulnerable I feel posting something like this.

Thanks for listening.

no,our core lost her memory almost 2yrs ago and so there are a number of us who function in her stead. you arent alone

Oh my gosh...........You could be talking about me...........
I'm the same way. My core is 6 years old. the adult people see is not my core either. I am so uncomfortable being an adult.............No, you are not alone.
Toesquasher

Thanks. I don't feel so much like an oddball now. I wonder if there are others out there like us? Thank you both for having the courage to let me know I am not alone.

When you say core do you mean the person born?

yes clarity or so thats what we have been told. There is much mystery surrounding our birth(s)

here in NY when this question comes /came up for me my treatment providers asked me this question - Biologically or mental maturity.

At first I didnt understand them. then they explained, biological stunting (not growing) is a physical health problem where for many physical reasons a persons body doesnt grow up.

examples

hormones
eating disorders
puberty problems
thyroid diseases
endocrine disorders
anemia
lack of vitamins
heredity
muscular dystrophy
cerebral palsy
dwarfism

and many more health issues affect how the biological body grows.

mental maturity is how a person responds to their surroundings / environment, issues in their live, experiences, social skills, ...

many things can affect a persons mental maturity...
trauma
stress
depression (and any other mental disorder)
physical health problems
work stress
foster care programs
moving to a new location...

the list is endless for what can cause a person to have a below normal mental maturity score (other wise known as GAF on psychiatric evaluations)

if you (the core person) have a mental maturity of a child and your biological age is that of an adult on the GAF scale you are considered mentally retarded.

there are ways you can increase your mental maturity.. reading, writing / Journal writing, puzzles, listening to music, watching tv, having a mentor, therapy, enroll in a literacy program, enroll in a college class... the list is endless on the different ways you can up your mental maturity score.

that said yes I (the core (biological self born to this body) did have a low mental maturity score. this isnt abnormal for DID people. when ever I had a problem I dissociated.. through dissociation I didnt have exposure to the typical things children and teens went through. it was my alters that dated, learned how to get along with other children, how to self nurture, how to express emotions, what emotions are, how to apply for a job, how to hang on to a job, how to socialize, how to speak correctly, how to bath and dress appropriately.... all those things that count as mental maturity..

I went from the mental maturity of a mentally retarded person to that of the biological age of my body in a couple years thanks to my therapist, teachers and others that took the time to teach me those things. and you can too.

it takes
knowing what your GAF score is
Determination to learn how to take care of yourself and learn the skills needed to take care of yourself
working with your treatment providers on ways that can improve your GAF score
working with family friends and teachers to learn those skills that you didnt learn by dissociating when ever you encountered your problems and issues
working with your treatment providers on your problems that cause you to dissociate...

forgot to add the following to my post -

to find out what your mental maturity is contact your treatment providers. most USA states now include mental maturity testing (GAF + IQ) with in the psychiatric testing for disorders and symptoms, such as the MMPI2RF and others.

I am the one who is out the most but not the original person. She went away 4 yrs ago when there was some trauma she couldnt handle.

How does the core person take a test if my alter is the one being addressed? I don't understand how to separate my core person out from the rest of us. Is that something that is learned through therapy?

no you dont learn to dissociate (separate the core from the alters) if you have DID its already been done, otherwise there would not be alters.

do you mean how do you tell the difference between the core and the alters?

no its not something you learn.

its just one of those things each persons system of host (core) and alters know about each other. by that I mean alters are created for a reason/job/purpose. they know what their purpose/job and place is within the system, and they know they are there to protect the host (core) and do what the host (core) cannot.

the answer to the testing question - if the host (core) cannot be tested then you don't get diagnosed with DID, you dont get diagnosed with having alters and you dont get an accurate GAF / IQ scoring.

short versions - the diagnostics for DID state

the person must have 2 or more alters that take control
the person must have a type of forgetfulness that goes beyond normal forgetfulness
the symptoms / problems can not be because of alcohol, drugs or other health problems like seizures.

the testing treatment provider must be able to talk to the host(core) and at least two alters. if this doesnt happen the treatment provider cannot diagnose someone with DID.

the mental maturity (GAF/IQ) is part of the diagnosing process of DID. so if you have been diagnosed with DID to find out what your host(core) mental maturity is, just look on the diagnostic report under GAF / IQ.

if you have not been diagnosed with DID you can get the testing through your treatment providers.

Claritytoo, I would imagine that the core person would have to take the test. At least that is the way I read it. For me that would take an awful lot of trust in whoever was giving the test.

Whenever I/we take tests our core person dissappears. she certainly has never learned to take a test, nor has she been exposed to test taking. It would be interesting to experiment with amandalouise's information. I have never heard of it before.

I find the whole idea fascinating. I am really glad I put this question out there.

I am learning more than I ever expected to.

Thanks everyone.

I think my problem is that I have not identified my core person. I know that it is not me. But how do I find her?

i have a question...does anyone have a medical condition that some of the insiders do not have?

The question is off the subject of this post i know. i am not sure why the question came up for me. Please excuse this post.

( ( ( Rapidflyer ) ) )
My core is a child to. In many ways we all protect that part of me. As to taken tests . . .
When we are grounded then we can be sure which one is taken the test but when we are under stress it is still by a wing and a prayer on which one takes it.
The DID test is set up to evaluate how many alters are possible I took that back in 1999. The other psyic test I took but the out come was always based on which parts of me took it.
As to the physical aspects those to are different for some alters.
from all of us to all of you!

you might want to have your post moved to its own thread so that it doesnt get lost in this one. you might get more replies too.

yes I have health issues that my insiders did not have before I was integrated.

I had allergies that some of my alters did not have.
I have/had high blood pressure that my alters did not have
I have/had high cholesterol that my alters did not have
I have diseases that my alters did not have.

there are many more differences between me and my alters too.

its very common for the host (core) and the alters to be different from each other. in fact there's a diagnostic criteria that says someone with DID must have alters that have their own ways, problems... to be.

you are not alone.

I just read some of your past posts. your core person does have times of awareness. there is a post where your host talked about a therapist talking with their alters.

if you at this moment are an alter trying to find your host-- just think about who you are protecting, who you are doing things for, what things you do that others in your system cant handle.

alters already know what their job/purpose for being is and what they do for the host.

that doesnt mean you will be able to sense, communicate with the host, know what the host is thinking, know what the host needs and wants are...and many other things.

there is a thing called co consciousness. if you and the host (core) are not co conscious (sense each other, communicate with each other) there is not much you can do right now. it means the host(core) is not ready yet. the host is still in the denial stage, the host (core)is scare to have contact with the alters, or the host (core) isnt ready to know what you (the alters) remember.

someday co consciousness may occur so that you (the alters) may sense, and talk with the host (core) but right now that may not be possible. when the host (core) is ready they will be able to sense, talk with you.

Thank you again for your response. I think my question is that I am not sure that the person that presents each day to the outside world is the core. I know I can be pushed aside by the others when they really feel needed. I remain aware of what is happening but I can't participate. Sometimes I can't even talk to who ever is out. They don't seem to know that I am there. There is someone who will retrieves the information if needed to give it to who ever is out but that is her job. My job is to be appropriate. But I work very hard at that and am exhausted by the end of the day. So most time I just want to go home and be by myself to I can breath. I am still learning about the others and how we work. Maybe I just need to give us more time and I will better understand what you are explaining.

I am really glad you did also.

Claritytoo, I found my core quite by accident. I was absolutely certain I didn't have one for years and then quite by accident she popped up. It was a wonderful experience and turned into a loving exchange.

It took loving work and lots of time and just a willingness to keep on trucking through the work that needed to be done to keep healing. Once she showed up decisions were made about her role and age and other key choices she wanted made.

I hope this helps.

I will answer It's RapidFlyer. I have People that get migraines and people that don't. I have people who have hayfever and people who don't. I have people that have arthritis and people who don't. that's just a general idea but I hope that answers your question.

Every time I take a test I come out all over the board. Everybody jumps in and takes the test. We invalidate the test right and left. No one will test me anymore. How do you ground yourself for testing? How do you stay grounded? That is something I have never learned. to all of you.

I thought that when you find your core, that person becomes the leader and moves everyone toward sharing with everyone else. I am still confused by how it all works.

I struggle when I read threads like this. I don't even believe in the whole concept of a core. The latest research and theory about DID is that there is no core - alters are not created out of nowhere to protect a 'core' personality, they are dissociated parts of the whole, and each is as important to the whole as any other. The scientific understanding of the structure of dissociation has come so far over the last 20 years, and I eagerly await the day when the new theories and knowledge filter down into psychiatric and psychology training and literature... then noone will have to needlessly angst over thier inability to indentify their 'core', believing that if they can't they will never be able to be tested accurately or diagnosed correctly!

I find what you are saying interesting and will search for the most current information but I think that is quite a leap you took saying "no one will have to needlessly angst over thier inability to indentify their 'core', believing that if they can't they will never be able to be tested accurately or diagnosed correctly!" I did not get this out of the conversations we are having. Some people believe in a core/born self and some don't. That is how it works here. It has been comforting to share my experiences and ask my questions to people who have "similar" experiences and diagnosis. So try not to "struggle" so much, we are working together all of us and for me it has been enlightening.