[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple"> I am so stressed to the max. Actually the whole system is. This nightmare with the roommate is about to drive us over the edge. T is worried about us. We are going in to see her tomorrow afternoon. I cannot wait.

Tonight I was in chat and roommate came home and was throwing a temper fit. I thought that she was alone, but she had her abusive b/f with her. He h*t her in the face. She was so irrational. I contacted the police because she threw scissors at me. No contact though which was a good thing. The police were right there because they heard the roommate and b/f yelling and screaming at each other and the roommate being totally irrational and screaming that she was going to commit s*icid*. So they showed up pretty quickly. The b/f got put in jail again now for the second time. He is still on stuff that he has to do. Probabtion I think but not sure. Has classes and what not to do. They took roommate to the hospital because of her threats as well as they wanted to see if her cheek bone was broke due to the fighting. The police told me that they wasn't sure if she would be kept more than a couple of hours because they wasn't sure if she was truly meaning her threats or if it was due to what was going on. She has called several times for the first two hours that she was gone. Using her cell phone. Just doesn't make any since. I answered one time and that was it. I didn't answer no more. Well she is now home and still activing very irrational. What makes me so upset is the police told me that I needed to get her help. 1st off I ain't her mother, 2nd off I ain't her babysitter, 3rd off she is over 18 and needs to take care of her own life instead of expecting everyone else to take care of her. I have to take care of me and all my parts, so she needs to take care of herself. Might not be what she wants to do, but it is something that she has to do. I'm tired of being her stepping stone and her attacking me verbially the way that she is. The police told me if I felt unsafe that I was the one that needed to find a place to stay. Well I don't have any friends that I could stay with, I'm stuck in this lease until the end of July, and have very limited amount of income. I am stressed to the max.

Tomorrow I see T, Tuesday I have dr appt which I am terrified to go to. Find out test results plus get more testing done. Wednesday see T. Thursday go to support group.

I have to contact the agency that I am part of because the groups that they have me in doesn't work with my schedule. I have to see if there is another group that I could go to on Friday since I cannot attend the Thursday group. It messes with my DID group which is more important to me and my parts. The Tuesday group I will be able to start after March 7th when I see pdoc.

The end of March I will be apart of a second set of a memory study with DID. Amnesia/Memory study with ppl with DID. I already completed the first part of the study which was pretty intense. I am still dealing with it and processing it through the whole thing.

We are so alone and don't know what to do right now. All we can do is continue doing the best that we can. Our T is very worried about us as well as a few friends. I don't want them to worry about us. We feel bad because they worry. It's the last thing we wanted to happen. Sometimes we feel if we hide enough and not talk to anyone, then everyone would forget about us. Just because we feel we don't matter enough for anyone to care or love us.

We are struggling with memories as well as other issues. Stuff that we haven't even been able to discuss with our T. An alter of mine says that I should find a support group to deal with a specific thing that I am dealing with and try to work it out there because at least with it being online, it is safer and we don't have to let our secrets be known as who we are until we are more comfortable to discuss the matter with our T. Just not even sure if we are ready to go that route. I and another alter had started talking to an online friend about it. Actually I started talking about it and the other alter decided to finish it. Our friend didn't judge us and still accepts us as a friend. She is so supportive. Just wished that we had ppl closer to us that could be supportive and be here with us from time to time. Just to have a real hug. I think that I have rambled enuf in this post. Want to be able to post in a few other post so that my post will no longer be limited. </font>

[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple">Now that we posted that we are scared we did. Want to erase it but trying to be brave to keep it there. </font>

[Evangelista]

Gentle Hugs..Woundedhearts you are going thru so much..pleeezee be gentle w/urselves..its unfair to be forced to stay in an abusive/threatening enviroment like we did as Littles..hope our T will help u cope as well as here..We may not Be One but We are here.

[hillbunnyb]

Guacamole child, you've got a load on! I hope your therapist can help you figure out how to find a safe living situation. How can you heal if you are not safe? Hang in there and know we care and are sending you support through the air.

[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple"> Thanks Evangelista for the gentle hugs and support you have given us. We are trying to be as gentle as possible. We see our T today/this afternoon. She is great and very understanding. Thanks for being here and being supportive. </font>

[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple"> Thanks hillybunnyb for the support. Being stuck here is a problem. There isn't any way out of getting out of here. Have to stay here until the lease is up. There is a way of breaking the lease, but it would cost 85% of the rent plus $150. We cannot afford that due to being on SSI. Healing is a very difficult thing. Hard to consentrate on our own stuff when there is so much caois going on outside our bedroom. So terrified to even go to the bathroom or fix something to eat when she is here. Unsure of what she will do or be acting like. Her mood can change 20 times within 5 seconds. I thought our switching was bad, but she is just such an extreme hyper person. Some of it I truly think she does for attention. She talks about SI all the time but says that she would end up being made to throw up or drink charcoal. Well if you are really serious about ending it, you wouldn't be thinking of them making you throw up or drink charcoal. She is a major attention seeker. I don't know if in my one post I posted about her illness/dx's or not. She gets so excited to get new one's all the time. They have her dx as borderline personality disorder, bi-polar, as well as narcasstic. She was even told she had a minor dx of DID. That I doubt, but at times could see, but I don't want the switching to happen in front of her etc, because she seems to copy/memic/immitate things. So I don't want her using what I have and trying to gain from it. Gain attention is what she is seeking. Well having DID doesn't gain me any type of attention that I would like. She once told me that she thrives off of caois and cannot handle her life if it doesn't have crisis in it. I can truly see that now. I gotta go run out there in a bit to take a shower. Scared to even leave the room and I gotta go out and do that. I wished she would leave and go somewhere for 30 minutes so I can do it without fear. I told her last night her b/f isn't allowed to come back over here. She said I cannot tell her who she can and cannot have over here. I am just lost. I don't know what to do. Just have major pain in my chest and an aching heart. </font>

[January]

((((((((((( WH )))))))))))))))

You are very brave to post this. Can you talk to someone from the Domestic Abuse program there and see if you can get an order which makes the roomated move or which will force her into therapy. If she is a threat to herself and/or others, she can be put in a hospital for treatment whether she wants to go or not.

Get a restraining order which will keep the boyfriend from coming near you, even in your home. If the roomate wants to see him, the can meet somewhere else. You don't need to be afraid in your own home.

I know you don't want anyone to worry, but look at it this way. You are blessed with friends and a T that care about you. That is a true blessing.

I can't think of anything else at the moment but I hope things get better for you and that you can stay strong.

Hugs,

Jan

[Evangelista]

(((((Woundedhearts))))hugs...Hope u r okay..sorry the last post I said "our" T, meant your "T", typo thing ya know..smile..Pleeze be safe...there is only oops I was going to say 1 u, but that does not apply here does it..gentle smile...u know we r thinkin of you and yours!!!

[wanttoheal]

Im so sorry wounded hearts. I understand. I live in my room most of the time when I am home due to safety reasons. It's a hard life to live and makes one wonder if there is such a thing as safety and a safe place. I hope there can be a good change soon, sooner than lease ending if possible.

[hillbunnyb]

OK, lets work on practical strategies to get your basic needs met while you have to live there. Do you have a lock on your bedroom door? I have lived with and near lots of people I felt I had to hide from and it's not fun at all. Geez.

Can you keep a stash of food, water, meds, etc in your room?
I know you city girls are gonna giggle, but, us country girls know you can make a really good pee bucket from a gallon milk/water/juice jug. Cut out the top part opposite the handle. You can even pee standing up with it. Pour deposits down the toiidy when the coast is clear, rinse and ready to go for the next round.... PooPoo's a little trickier....... let me know if you want to go there and I'll give ya some suggestions.

Some people are energy vampires. I hope you find help to get her help to help yourslef....... if you know what I mean. . . Everybody should have a warm dry pleasant safe home. When I find my magic wand, look out!!! No bad guys allowed!!!

[woundedhearts]

<font color="purple">First off, thanks everyone for the replys. It really helps. Just got back from a really rough T session.

Practical strategies to get my basic needs met is happening. I do have a lock on my bedroom door and at night I put the dresser infront of the door.

Have kepts some food in room. It seems that I have 3 glasses of something in here to drink. 2 glasses of water and a glass of tea. LOL Didn't realize it, but I guess having DID and alters that want to drink something different or not wanting to share the same up cause they don't want to catch someone elses' germs (lol even though it is the same body) does come in handy.

Pee bucky, yep got one of those too. Actually it is a bucket that roommate had gotten for the mop, but the mop head was to long for the bucket. So now I am using it in case I really really gotta go.

Meds are already in my room so no need to worry about that.

She definately is a vampire trying to suck every bit of energy out of me.

Thank goodness she is off to work for the night so hopefully things will be a good night. Still unsure when she will pop into the apartment. The scary thing is I feel as if I have moved in with my sister or my mother. Heck I moved away from all them so that they aren't in my life, but yet now feel as if I am surrounded by them again.

I have a dr. appt tomorrow afternoon so kind of nervous about going. Have to find out test results, plus get more test done.

Thanks everyone for the support.
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