[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088">This may be triggering so please becareful.


This morning I heard my roommate come in the door. I rolled over in bed and just wanted to hide. Things have been so stressful living here. She has borderline personality disorder as well as bi-polar disorder. She is very needy and demanding. Very self-centered. A week after we moved in here the end of November she took an overdose of pills. Well this morning I was getting a phone call from her mom. I ignored the phone call. Just let the voicemail picking it up. I thought she was trying to call her. She called again and I ignored it. Finally I checked the voicemail. Her mother said that she took an overdose. So I went into rescue mode and that I had to handle things the best I could. I contacted 911. Well she is in a coma right now. This is just added ontop of all the stress. I have been having major memories and trying to deal with it. Also dealing with alters that want to c*t and do self-harm. I am overwhelmed with so much going on in my life. Last week in group talked about the feeling of being a pressure cooker. Today the pressure cooker feels like it is going to explode. I'm tired of being strong and taking care of everyone else. I need help and support myself, but cannot get it. I feel so alone and that really people don't care. They just care about theirselves and what they need from me. This place that I am in is a very lonely and isolating place. I don't want to be here anymore in this place. It is so painful and awful. </font>

[pegasus]

woundedhearts,

You sound like you have a heart of gold. You don't need the pressure of worrying about your room-mate.
Can you move? Or get your room-mate to move?

As for the pressure cooker thing. Remember that a pressure cooker has a VALVE on it, so you can let the steam out- when you feel safe enough to do so.

If you bottle up that steam and never let it out, its more likely to explode. It's ok to let the steam out- safely!

Big hug to you. Take care.

[Twisted_Soul]

Post deleted by Twisted_Soul

[Evangelista]

(((((WOUNDEDHEARTS)))))

wow..saving anothers person life..or at least attempting to..when they have given up..good for you..lucky for the other unfortunate to have a roomate that looks beyond her behavior...even at the cost of her own struggles (that would be you dearest)..yes..we support you..ours is gently reminding you to be gentle with yourselves, words only we know..but sometimes when your alone in that awful space thats all it takes to keep you breathing thru it..take care..gentle Hugs..

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088"> Excuse me I was not even saying that she was the cause of me being a pressure cooker. I said that it was added to it. You might need to go back and re-read what I posted. I wasn't stating that it was her borderline that was causing my problems. I was just stating what I was going through. I don't appreciate being attacked in this way. I was coming here for support with what I was going through. This is an issue that I am dealing with and if I cannot come here and talk about my stuff to get support, then I guess I don't belong here. I cannot move out of the apartment until the lease is up. I am on SSI and cannot afford to just up and leave. I don't appreciate the tone in the words that you used. I guess I better just shut up before I say something that I don't want to. Read things before you jump and attack other people. </font>

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088">Thank you (((((Evangelista))))) It is good to know that someone understands and supports me. Know I just want to run and hide from everywhere. Sad to say but I feel I should of not even posted what I did. </font>

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088">Thanks for the support. Yeah I know the pressure cooker has a valve, but of course mine must be hidden. I have T tomorrow hopefully. Also have another psych eval to do in the morning, so it is a pretty busy day. Got letter from T as well as old pdoc with the diagnoses and stuff on it. Thanks again for the support. </font>

[Twisted_Soul]

Just hit a nerve. I am sorry for your pain.
I am sorry for what you are going through.
I hope you can forgive me for my shortcomings.
(((Woundedhearts)))

woundedhearts,

You have a lot of heavy stuff you're dealing with. I know it's hard but please try to be gentle with yourself. You are worth the self-care.

I understand about people overdosing and trying to save them and the dreaded "rescue mode." When you are in rescue mode you don't have time to process what has happened, but in the aftermath you swirl round and round trying to get grounded. Trying to catch your breath.

It is a frightening, helpless experience and I'm sorry you had to witness it.

You don't have to feel lonely here. There are a lot of caring souls at psychcentral to support you however we can.

Petunia

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088">Thank you Petunia for your reply. I'm trying my best to take care of myself and deal with the things the best way I can. Thanks for the support. </font>

[heartspace]

To have helped your rommate despite feeling so horrible yourself - that's really something. I know what it's like to have to always be strong - it can be draining and downright painful. Sorry you're feeling so bad at the moment, but I hope you take a moment to feel some well-earnt pride in yourself.

[SongBirdandDaisy]

(((((((((((((((woundedhearts)))))))))))))))))

I can only add to the other posts reiterating how strong you are to be able to take care of someone else when you're under stress..........you may not be able to see it now, but hopefully, it is a lifeline you can grab onto to help pull yourself to the surface................sometimes it's the little pieces of our life that build our strong foundations.....................be gentle with yourself..............

safe hugs

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088"> Thanks so much heartspace for your response. I'm trying my best to deal with things the best way I can. I spoke with my T a few times today as well as another T in our support group we go to. Right now I am just really tired of being so strong and making everyone else's life so much easier but yet here I am suffering because of it. I'm trying to take care of myself right now and it is so difficult. T and I talked a few moments ago and she is going to use extra gentle care with me right now. She has made agreements with alters that they will discuss the memories and stuff that they are flooding me with and I am not to be part of it. If they need to express it to someone or to tell someone that it has to be her because I am going on a downward spiral quickly. Thanks again for your supportive and understanding post. </font>

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088"> Thanks Anne for your hugs and wonderful post. I'm trying to be gentle with myself and my T is going to use extra gentleness with us right now. She knows how extremely difficult it is with us right now. She spoke with another T that does groups with us and she told T how things was for us last group. I think she understands how very unstable we are right now and that things are on a downward spiral. I have to see T tomorrow afternoon after going to see a new pdoc and doing a psch eval.

Things are not looking to good with our roommate so that is also very stressful. Just brings up to much with our mother doing it so much in our past. Trying to be as gentle as I can and becoming a better person through all this. </font>

[pegasus]

woundedhearts,

Sounds like you have a very caring and wonderful therapist there! I hope all goes well today.

((((((((((((((((( woundedhearts ))))))))))))))))))

[heartspace]

I'm so glad you have a sensitive, caring therapist. I'm in awe of how strong you're being. I really am. Don't forget to be kind to yourself (if that makes sense). In the midst of helping others, don't abandon yourself. Safe hugs if ok {{{Wounded}}} And don't forget to lean on us when need be.

[LILITH]

I am sorry for your pain.... Just try to hold on. Hopefully your T will have some help for you. Somedays are harder for us with DID. PM me anytime.
Lilith

[woundedhearts]

<font color="#000088">Thanks everyone for their support. Things don't look good with our roommate. Her mother is now in town. So right now we are trying to take care of ourself. It's been really rough here. Yesterday we had an EMDR session with T and ended up having a flashback right in her office. Couldn't control it or the parts that was having such a hard time. Anyway, thanks for the support. </font>