venting not sure if triggets

I just want to be normal. My alters are going to ***** up my life. I've got to find something. Gave up therapy a few years back think I might have to go back. I need to find something that works.
Thoughts and ideas might help.

interesting post. yes I think its a great idea to consider going back to therapy.. I replyed interesting post because of the present tense usage of alters are going to mess up your life where as me when I was diagnosed with DID my life was already messed up because of my DID.. I had already been living with alters all my life so alters were from my early childhood been taking over doing what ever they like all my and their life.

suggestion instead of fearing what hasnt already happened look back on your life and the problems that having alters have already caused you, then fix those problems that way those problems wont affect your future.

kind of like finding out you have had an ulcer looking back you can see what foods cause you stomach problems, take care of that problems by medication and not eating the foods that caused you problems in the past will prevent any future problems with those same foods and ulcer problems.

taking care of the past, take care of the present and future which will result in alters not messing up your life from here on out.

I was functioning almost fully integrated for almost a year can something happen that makes the rubber band snap? Just curious.

my understanding and experience with integration is -

once full integration has happened nothing can cause the person to dissociate into alters ever again... the reasoning for this is that mental health communities here where I live and work and I believe alters with DID are created in childhood, that only children going through extreme trauma can through the use of dissociation, dissociate to the point that their minds create alternate personalities to hold that which they cannot handle. Once full integration happens thats it. the alters have been completely merged back with the host to form one whole person again. the person is now just like any other normal person without alters because though they know they had alters everything the alters were is now that person. example Rainy was my alter that was depressed and cried. after integration though I will always know there was rainy who was depressed and cried, rainy is now me, I can cry now and I go through times when I am depressed, I can now feel all the emotions and express all the emotions that once was rainy. shes still here with me but in a different way..shes here as in I now do, remember and think the way she did, but its different because there is no other personality called rainy taking over control of the body acting out. thats no longer possible because I am rainy and she is me we are one and the same person now.

that doesnt mean I wont have personality problems where I end up with another alter, DID is not the only mental disorder that has the symptom of percieving one self as two different people..one good the other bad or evil, for example people with Dissociative Disorders Not Otherwise specified may in some locations have one alternate personality, some people with schizophrenia type mental disorders have an alternate personality, some people with bipolar disorder perceive their self as two different people one good and the other one bad, people diagnosed with ego states have a type of alternate personalities called ego states that are similar to that of having DID. this is just a few examples...

unless there are two alternate personalities taking over control with their own way of being here where I live and work I will never again carry the present diagnosis of having DID or havig DID like alters. who know some day gosh forbid we find out theres a previously undiagnosed, unknown alter that was never integrated. legally here where I live and work I would not be able to carry the DID diagnosis because that requires two or more alters but I may be called - split personality disordered or any of the above depending upon the circumstances with which this alter appeared, came into being, got left behind what ever..

other locations, cultures may believe otherwise but this is what is believed among the mental health community here where I live and work.

I just reread this after submitting a post for moderation.. and coupled with your previos post in this thread, I had another thought in another direction from which I already wrote my post from...

does your question mean you are still functioning as almost integrated and you are looking for possibilities for future failures or problems in the future?

if so my suggestion is dont worry about what hasnt happened yet. talk with your treatment providers when you go back into therapy, they can explain more in detail about how DID, having alters and integration works.

one thing I do know about people who worry about future problems is they can accidentally cause their self to ****Appear**** to have alters when in fact they have consciously or unconsciously created false alters...alters that were never there to begin with, but because they want to believe they will snap if something happens, their mind gives them their wish so to speak, kind of like someone who wants to be sick for the attention, or someone who wishes so much they were sick, their bodies react by appearing to have those symptoms and problems that a person with the problem would really have...

people who do this are called "hypochondriacs".. its a whole other mental disorder that you really dont want to cause yourself because its a bugger to break out of. and causes a lot of stigma because once its discovered the person mentally created a false alter most treatment providers around here where I live and work rarely believe that client about having problems that are not a figment of the clients imagination.

my suggestion dont worry about what hasnt happened, just live in the moment and let the future come as it will.

Host is stressed causes alters to defend host. We did integrate the little bits. They were no longer needed. I assure you host we have not integrated completely we were still here and you weren't remembering everything you thought you were.
Tabby

hi Tabby,

i think its very good that u are communicating with everyone on your inner "team". i think that communication helps all parts to gain cohesiveness and begins to set the glue on the decompartmentalized fragments of consciousness. i hope u are able to continue to ask for help here, and to find safety and health among yourself and your host and everyone else

DID in itself seems to be a very controversial psychological school of thought. some deny it even exists!

as for the creation of what i will call "pseudo-alters", these people are just as mentally ill unless they have been somewhat subconciously hypnotised to believe that they actually have a illness in which they dont. people who usually feign alters and dissociative amnesia are also hurting, but in a different way. sometimes it's easier to pretend to be one thing when u can't really label what it is you feel you need. so u act out something you think that works, and when it does it becomes self-serving to your needs and the whole behavior is reinforced. it's all about un-met needs and the ways in which people devise to get them met. thru ourselves. and thru other people..

some therapists have been outright and publicly blamed for "creating" false diagnoses of DID into patients. (anyone remember Sybil?) these types of patients typically have no previous history of dissociation and symptoms seem to emerge only after they are brought up in Therapy as possible options

So I think tonight will be another no/little sleep night. Not sure what is up. I know it's been a few days since I was "awake" not sure what all has happened don't really remember what gave me the push. Sorry this is more dear diary than actual post but I'm hoping this might encourage someone to talk.