Intro post - long

Hi everyone,

I've been lurking here for a few days, trying to get the feel of the people here. This seems like such a nice, safe place to talk about DID. I hope to get to know you and to get to talk about some of my confusion about DID.

I was just diagnosed with DID two weeks ago. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, I just didn't know that the conversations inside my head (and other things) are not what other people experience. I went to a therapist with my daughter who was having traumatic memories surface from her life in an orphanage (before we adopted her). When the therapist talked to me about how my dd may experience dissociation and she described the spectrum, I suddenly realized with a lurch in my stomach that she was describing me. It took me two weeks to really accept this, during which time I met two alters by name. At that point, I scheduled an appt for myself, went to the therapist, and told her what I have experienced. She was very accepting and understanding. She asked if I knew of any alters and then said "do you know if there are any little ones?". A little one came out (this has never happened before that I know of) and said "we don't come out" and then began to cry a strange moaning, kittenlike cry. I could hear this, but couldn't control my hands and couldn't really see where I was. I was co-conscious, but not as much as I usually am. I have been co-conscious (meaning that "Elizabeth" is always out while others are out and can keep track of things, although I never really understood what was going on) since I was about 20, and I believe that I have had alters sharing important "current" infomation for longer than that. Anyway, I got pretty shaken up by having someone I didn't know come out and take control.

I have moved past denial about having DID pretty fast. There wasn't much point in denying what I've been living for so long. It is really just putting a label on it, not changing my reality. I have met or been given awareness of 16 alters so far (in a month). I have cooperative co-consciousness with 7 of us. It has really been amazing to me at how smooth it has been to learn who is actually out and also be able to request that someone come out who will be really good in a certain situation. Everyone has always been very aware and protective of our daughter since she is only 2 1/2. We all feel that children should never be hurt, and have always kept a safe big one out around dd, even before becoming aware of this. (is it ok to switch while writing here? is there a way to indicate that this sentence wasn't Elizabeth? does it matter to you guys?)

I have a question about trying to remember things, because this relates to s*x, but I'm afraid to put anything into writing as it may trigger someone else here. Is there a safe way to talk about this?

Elizabeth

Hi Elizabeth and all. Welcome!

If you want when you start a post you can say, "Hi. This is "name/no-name" to identify who's writing. That's cool.

You can certainly write about triggering stuff if needs be. Please just use the special icon with the "red x" to indicate triggering material. Those that can't deal with potential triggers can then know that maybe they shouldn't read at the time. When I know that I'm posting triggering material, I go a step further. At the top of the post I will name the specific trigger in the post. For instance:

***************Child abuse contained*******************

You don't have to do that, but it helps the reader in the moment, I think.

You are doing so well it seems! It took my forever to gain memories and to get to know those inside!

I welcome you and you talk as you feel comfortable. I'm on the "putting things together" part of my live and diagnosis...I have most of my childhood, lose next to no time and am actually wrapping up therapy at the end of this month. I still live with DID. It just takes something HUGE to trigger dissociation for me now, when before I practically lived in a dissociative state.

That's a bit about me.

Again, welcome! If you have any questions, or difficulties, don't hesitate to PM me.

KD

welcome OneAndMany,

I hope you stick around and we can all get to know you.

All the girls

Hi OneAndMany, and welcome

Welcome

two week denial period during which you met 2 alters, and then in a month became co conscious with 16 more?

WOW you sure are moving fast through it. At this rate you will soon be fully integrated. Congratulations on finding that magic wand.

I wish. I have been working on my DID 24/7 for 5 years after a 20 year denial period and have gone through 18 therapy professionals and am presently on number 19. During that 5 years I have basically had to squish 10 years of therapy for DID into a 3 year time frame. I have known two pieces of memories (alters) were there since 1989 when a therapist told me I had switched into them. I heard the voices memories too and thought up until then they were normal. after that I hid that I heard them for 20 years.

This past 5 years I have had no choice but to work on my DID and my therapist and do extensive research on DID including contacting professionals in the field across the USA. Through that 5 year time period I have gained co-consciousness and integration with about 10-15 pieces of memories. I still lose time and so on so I know there is more memories to locate and experience while during the co conscious and integration cycle.

You can find my experience with DID, my therapy for it, and extensive research on my blog called Me, Myself and I. To get there just click on "Blogs". on the page that comes up you will find in a box on the left the words - Get your own. That will bring you into the members Blogs. On that page you will see in a grey box on the right side a list in that list you will find the words Me Myself and I and under that my most recent entry. Click on that entry. That will get you into my blog. Click on the letterhead and that will bring you to a page where along the right side you will see a bunch of things listed. Click on - Blog Index and then you just read the entries you want to read.

I'm replying to more than one person since I can only post 5 times as a new member.

Thanks for the welcome to kd, all the girls, silver queen, and myself.

I'm thinking that my post made me sound a little further along than I really am. True, I am not in denial that I have DID. But, I recognize that I'm in HUGE denial over the fact that something bad must have caused this. The only memories that I have so far are all rather small--not inconsequential, but not big enough even put together to cause a person to split. So, I know that I refuse to know. And I'm not sure how to get past that. I don't think I want to right now, even though others inside are ready to release some of this.

The alters that are co-operative/co-conscious are all adult alters (who don't have any painful memories) with the exception of my 6th-grader who had a really good year (so not much to remember from her so far).

KD, I am amazed to read that you are wrapping up therapy soon. I guess I didn't really believe that very many people with DID got out of therapy. I hope that doesn't offend anyone--no offense meant in any way. Just that I had read that therapy was long-term. And if I'm being honest, I can't imagine ever being "done" with therapy now that I've gotten started.

Myself, thanks for sharing about your blog. I will go check that out. Also, a question for you. I read the sticky post about reading materials that you created (thank you!) and am wondering if there are any newer things that you would add to the list. I have quite a few ordered from the library and three on the way from Amazon.

Elizabeth

I am always on the lookout for new material so you never know when I'll be adding more as does others here when they find a professional, or other non fiction resource.

Right now I am rereading Nancy J napier books - Getting Through The day, Recreating Yourself and Sacred Practices for Conscious Living.

My therapist LL and I use relaxation visualizations and I told her about how I could not focus on my breathing without experiencing breathing to fast or not breathing at all until I started using one of Nancy J Napiers relaxation Visualizations that included putting my hand on my belly. Now I am trying to locate that one so I can show her it.

In the process I am learning and practicing more things from the books that I wasn't ready for before and or I bypassed because I wasn't at that level of understanding or therapy yet.

Right now I am pretty much sticking with working on things that are by the authors Nancy J Napier, BelleRuth Naparstak, and Laura Davis because right now those materials are the most helpful for where I am at in my therapy process right now and what I am experiencing right now.

Glad you like my resourses and feel free to add any published professionals and works of non fiction that has and or is helping you in your healing process. I may have started that resource thread but it is for everyone to use and add to if they like.

By the way I still think you are cool. Most people accept they were abused before they accept they have DID. In fact most people enter therapy from depression and so on because they were abused and then find out after psych testing that they are DID. so You recognizing you are DID without working through the abuse denail is amazing to me.

Welcome OneAndMany!

oneandmany

hi i am melly i am 14, so i cant answer your questions. but i wanted you toknow that i understand because i , well, the woman we see, dr marcian, she tells us that we cohabit. she says that means that there are more than one in one body. Thats weird. I dunno if i beleive her. But, we would like to be your friend.

Welcome Elizabeth et al,
I hope you fine PC a very comforting place.... I do think the family here at PC are is very warm and caring... My name is Altheia/Lilith we are the main two who write here.... Let me know if there is anything you need...Lilith

Welcome OneAndMany. I hope to get to know you better. I am glad you are making such good progress.

Hello Elizabeth and everyone,

Welcome to PC. We're glad you found us. You'll find many kind and supportive people here.

Cheers!

Jan

welcome to PC Oneandmany..

Kat

Hi melly - glad to meet you - I'd like to be your friend too. I agree with you that the cohabit thing is weird.

Elizabeth

A big hi and thank you to fuzzybear, Lilith, bipolar bear, Jan and Kat. You make me feel welcome here.



Elizabeth

Nice to meet you. Glad you are here.

There are lots of very supportive people here. Hope you find a home here.

hiiiii therrrre!

Mandie