How can I be sure

How can I be sure that I won't lose my temper in therapy? About two months ago I was talking to my t about something and I began to become angry at my t. The angrier I felt the quieter I got, until I new I couldn't continue talking without exploding. So I finished the session without talking and got up and left. When I think of talking about when I was little I feel anger and I blame my t. I know my anger isn't because of her but I blame her for my feeling the anger. It's odd. But this lack of trust that I have toward myself regarding my feeling like I want to explode, is getting in the way of me talking about my feelings and past. I haven't mentioned this to my t because I will just feel the anger toward her. Maybe I'll mention it. I don't know.

Anger is a normal emotion - and it is ok to be angry. It is just important that you try to find healthy ways to express that anger. I would really suggest trying to talk to your T about it. Then you can work together to find safe ways to express your anger.

If you don't feel you can do it in person does your T allow email? That could be a good way to put it together and say what you need to say without having to worry about getting angry with her. If you could explain what happens when you are angry she would then know what to expect. Most therapists understand and expect that clients will at some point become angry during therapy - it is natural - but if you can give her an idea of what would trigger your anger, what it looks like when you're angry and what you would want her to do when you 'explode' then it will probably help her to help you.

Good luck

I can email her. I didn't think of that. Thanks for the good advice.

How can I be sure that I won't lose my temper in therapy? About two months ago I was talking to my t about something and I began to become angry at my t. The angrier I felt the quieter I got, until I new I couldn't continue talking without exploding. So I finished the session without talking and got up and left. When I think of talking about when I was little I feel anger and I blame my t. I know my anger isn't because of her but I blame her for my feeling the anger. It's odd. But this lack of trust that I have toward myself regarding my feeling like I want to explode, is getting in the way of me talking about my feelings and past. I haven't mentioned this to my t because I will just feel the anger toward her. Maybe I'll mention it. I don't know.

claritytoo..one retorical question....if a person cant show how they feel in therapy then whats the purpose of going to therapy? Therapy is all about going to see someone who you can let loose, be yourself, drop problems and the emotions that come with those problems in a safe environment so that a person can think more clearly and see their way to solving that problem that elicits our emotions. so if you cant get angry in therapy and show anger in therapy, then therapy isnt going to do a person any good anyway.

another retorical question to think about.. how can other people who go to therapy (regardless of mental disorder or reason behind the therapy) how can they be sure they wont get angry in therapy....they dont know. most people go into therapy knowing full well that they ...are....going to laugh, cry, be confused, challenged, irritated, excited, scared, and yes angry and even down right enraged at times...some therapy techniques are geared for triggering the client to feel all kinds of emotions, react to those emotions and deal with the problems for example edmr is a form of therapy where the client must talk about their traumatic pasts that cause them to feel very strong emotions, so does cbt, dbt, ....just about every therapy technique deals with how we feel emotions and learning how to control those emotions even very strong explosive type anger.

now lets think about DID....some people do have alters that contain the hosts anger and those traumatic events that caused the host to not be /enable them to handle that anger/anger causing event. sometimes these alters are very volatile/violent and most times unpredictable so theres rarely a tried and true way of knowing when that alter (or any other alter) is going to suddenly take control and go off exploding. therapists know no matter what the disorder theres the potential for danger to their self, their clients and their room, others....it just part of the job... so therapists do have rules. regulations, protocols in place should their client become a danger to their self or others, even if that danger comes in the form of an enraged alter or host exploding..

here at the crisis center one of the things we always, always do with our clients is talk with them about those rules/regulations, protocals. we let them know that the sooner we know this is an issue the sooner we can set a "safety net" around them and the issue. our first step in this is having the client and therapist write up a contract of expected behaviors and clear consequences for breaking that contract. the first offense is usually the therapist warning the client that they are becoming very close to breaking the safety net contract so its time to stop what we are doing and let the client attempt to gain control of their self so that the problem can be talked about with out any violence. at this point I usually excuse myself for a visit to the coffee machine which I purposely keep across the room away from the discussion area of my room, while keeping the client with in my eyesight. (no therapist turns their back on a potentially violent client) if the client is attempting to control their self I ask if they would like more time. most times the client is in control and able to tell me what triggered the anger in their voice. and we go on from there. the next step is in the event of the client unable to gain control of their anger and proceeds to become violent. we end the session right then and there. they are told its time to end for the day, someone will call them to reschedule the appointment and then the crisis center rules are that I must walk out the door and let my supervisor know a client has become violent and we are ending that session for the day. we wait a few minutes to see if the client is going to leave on their own. if not the third step kicks in we call the police. the client is taken in to custody and transported to the hospital for a 72 hour hold. depending upon the damages or if anyone in the building has been harmed in any way by the violent client depends upon whether they will be arrested for assault/ destruction of property. I know this "safety net" may not seem a good one for some people but here in NY we have a zero tolerance for violence laws since 9/11.

another part of this safety net is prevention.. part A where the therapist and the client write up their contract and the client is told of the crisis center rules/regulations/ protocols. Part B is if the client has not waited until an explosion /violent situaiton has already happened we can work with them to a limited capacity meaning the client can come up with a short list of things we can do before the anger escolates to explosion level..

for example I have a "safety net" contract with my therapist (no she doesnt work at the crisis center but I did have a few violent alters so my therapist and I felt it best at the time and its worked so well we keep it part of my therapy now) on my lists of things to do in an emergency is..

where ever possible let my therapist know when Im feeling mad, angry or irate.

be verbal tell my therapist when I need to take a break

go have a cigarette (my therapist yes therapists sometimes get angry too) take a step outside for a breath of fresh air.

practice proactive breathing (take some deep breaths and try to relax)

end the session before I explode not after.

my suggestion talk with your therapist, let them know you are concerned this may be an issue and then the two of you will be able to develop some sort of safety net around you that fits what you may need in the event that it does happen..

I don't know why I never thought about emailing these thoughts to my t. I did, and today I talked with my t about it. When I went to session I was in an off mood and was fearful of the possible discussion. But my t was very considerate and let me know that it was good that I shared my feelings and that she would be respectful of how I wanted to approach talking about when I was little. I did start to get angry feelings when we were talking, and I switched, but I didn't feel like I wanted to get in her face. I expressd my anger in words and tone but didn't feel like I would get out of control. Today was the most time I have allowed myself to talk while feeling such anger. We also discussed my feelings that, for me , seem to come out of nowhere. I will suddenly have intense feelings of fear and sadness and anger for no apparent reason. My t suggested that I might be having emotional flashbacks. I didn't even know that emotional flashbacks existed. I have just been on line reading and that is what I am going through. I always feel like I am losing my mind because I will suddenly be overwhelmed with fear or sadness. Debilitating fear and sadness without a reason, unconnected to anything that I am aware of. Learning more about Emotional Flashbacks makes me feel that I might be safe. That there may be a real reason for them and that I am not losing my mind. I want to thank you for your advise. It helped me in a very positive way.

amandalouise, I didn't read all of what you have written because I am feeling good about my session today and you are sometimes a downer. You say stuff like I am supposed to know. I wouldn't ask if I knew. I only learned today that emotional flashbacks exist. So I am not going to finish reading your rant. I am just going to enjoy my good day. You have helped me in the past but sometimes you are a little coarse. Try to work on that.

Im glad you emailed/ talked to your t some about these things. its really ok to get mad in t, and express all feelings it really is. I have three teenage insiders who carry a great deal of anger and they have gotten into screaming matches with our T. They sometimes get so angry at her and she will get right in their faces and yell right back. Its been so helpful and healing.

I'm so glad you were able to talk to your T about it. It seems like you have a very good T who will do all they can to help you through this.