[paradiso2340]

Hi All,

I have an anxiety disorder (OCD) and I spiked around three months ago now. However, unlike in the past, that spike never went away and I felt it has just continued for three months. I know that people with depersonalization feel "disconnected" from their thoughts typically, but is it possible to be "too connected" where you feel so stuck in yourself that you feel you can't engage with the world the way you used to? I just feel like as I am talking to someone I am aware of this being "too connected" to myself that I can't even be fully in the moment. It's almost like I am acting. I can never "lose" myself by watching a movie or reading like I used to, it's like this feeling is always there.
This has also brought on a depression in which I am also negatively talking to myself about this and ruminating/trying to figure myself out. It makes me feel like a cold and calculating person. Sometimes I feel like this is just me and I am the one creating this and I can figure it out, but I know this is unlike anything I've experienced before. Another major aspect of this is that I go through this intense wave of wanting to escape my own body, almost as if I'm trapped in my own person because of the way I go through life always in my own mind. It's gotten so bad that I could care less if I were to drop dead and I've never felt that way in my life before. I am seeing a psychologist and we are trying to sort through this. Does anyone else connect with anything I have written, in particular the part of "being stuck in your own person?" or like their is something inherently wrong with you? Any insights would be appreciated, I feel it would help me better understand this. Thanks

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by paradiso2340

Hi All,

I have an anxiety disorder (OCD) and I spiked around three months ago now. However, unlike in the past, that spike never went away and I felt it has just continued for three months. I know that people with depersonalization feel "disconnected" from their thoughts typically, but is it possible to be "too connected" where you feel so stuck in yourself that you feel you can't engage with the world the way you used to? I just feel like as I am talking to someone I am aware of this being "too connected" to myself that I can't even be fully in the moment. It's almost like I am acting. I can never "lose" myself by watching a movie or reading like I used to, it's like this feeling is always there.
This has also brought on a depression in which I am also negatively talking to myself about this and ruminating/trying to figure myself out. It makes me feel like a cold and calculating person. Sometimes I feel like this is just me and I am the one creating this and I can figure it out, but I know this is unlike anything I've experienced before. Another major aspect of this is that I go through this intense wave of wanting to escape my own body, almost as if I'm trapped in my own person because of the way I go through life always in my own mind. It's gotten so bad that I could care less if I were to drop dead and I've never felt that way in my life before. I am seeing a psychologist and we are trying to sort through this. Does anyone else connect with anything I have written, in particular the part of "being stuck in your own person?" or like their is something inherently wrong with you? Any insights would be appreciated, I feel it would help me better understand this. Thanks

by disconnected from your thoughts do you mean its silent in your head, you cant hear any thoughts?

I have never had a situation where I experienced depersonalization as being disconnected from my thoughts..I have always welcomed when I could not hear my thoughts bouncing around my head real fast, have bipolar, seasonal depression and dissociative disorders and a past diagnosis of DID, all of which affected me through having too many thoughts going on in my head at a rate that was faster then I could keep up with. now when its silent in my head it feels so good, so normal because I know my meds are working and Im not in depression nor mania phases of my bipolar.

part of my bipolar is that I do sometimes have OCD features. one of which is obcessive thoughts.. going from obsessive thoughts to normal thought process is sometimes like what you described.... like suddenly not being connected/not hearing thoughts. maybe this is whats happening to you. with me if I just give it a bit of time Im able to hear my normal non obsessive thoughts again. sometimes its my medications too. Im glad you are working with your psychiatrist. they will be able to help you with this. mine are an amazing help when this happens to me.

here where you can read about the american version of depersonalization, maybe this will help you understand your problems better...

Depersonalization Disorder | BehaveNet

I say american version because other countries may have other diagnostic criteria for defining what depersonalization is.

[idontknow247]

All the time. It's in my way all the time. I can't relate to anyone. I don't even care, but I know I should? It's incredibly lonely.

[paradiso2340]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

by disconnected from your thoughts do you mean its silent in your head, you cant hear any thoughts?

I have never had a situation where I experienced depersonalization as being disconnected from my thoughts..I have always welcomed when I could not hear my thoughts bouncing around my head real fast, have bipolar, seasonal depression and dissociative disorders and a past diagnosis of DID, all of which affected me through having too many thoughts going on in my head at a rate that was faster then I could keep up with. now when its silent in my head it feels so good, so normal because I know my meds are working and Im not in depression nor mania phases of my bipolar.

part of my bipolar is that I do sometimes have OCD features. one of which is obcessive thoughts.. going from obsessive thoughts to normal thought process is sometimes like what you described.... like suddenly not being connected/not hearing thoughts. maybe this is whats happening to you. with me if I just give it a bit of time Im able to hear my normal non obsessive thoughts again. sometimes its my medications too. Im glad you are working with your psychiatrist. they will be able to help you with this. mine are an amazing help when this happens to me.

here where you can read about the american version of depersonalization, maybe this will help you understand your problems better...

Depersonalization Disorder | BehaveNet

I say american version because other countries may have other diagnostic criteria for defining what depersonalization is.

Thanks for your reply See my problem isn't that I feel disconnected from myself its that I feel TOO connected to myself if that makes any sense. It's not that I don't have an inside voice, but I feel like my inside voice has been hijacked by the "negative me." The voice in my head is myself, but it's like myself gone haywire and I feel myself talking to myself or figuring myself out all the time even when I am trying to engage in external activities. So that I am in my head 24/7 and that causes the feeling of a disconnection from the rest of the world. I feel like I am in such a fog because of this and I feel like there is no escape, I can't be content with myself as I was in the past and I have completely forgotten how to be my former self. I even find myself trying to convince me that that former self never existence, but I know it has because I never felt the way I do now.

[paradiso2340]

Originally Posted by idontknow247

All the time. It's in my way all the time. I can't relate to anyone. I don't even care, but I know I should? It's incredibly lonely.

Thank you for your response Yeah, that's how I feel too, like my mind is telling me you don't care or some other nonsense as I am trying to engage in conversation with someone. It's odd because I remember myself to be quite the opposite, although my OCD thoughts have gone out of control with this and keep trying to tell me I've always been this way I just never knew it. It gets so out of control sometimes that I literally feel like I am trapped in my own body and mind which is one of the most horrifying sensations. Do you ever get this? I just want my old self back but it seems absolutely impossible to regain it.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by paradiso2340

Thanks for your reply See my problem isn't that I feel disconnected from myself its that I feel TOO connected to myself if that makes any sense. It's not that I don't have an inside voice, but I feel like my inside voice has been hijacked by the "negative me." The voice in my head is myself, but it's like myself gone haywire and I feel myself talking to myself or figuring myself out all the time even when I am trying to engage in external activities. So that I am in my head 24/7 and that causes the feeling of a disconnection from the rest of the world. I feel like I am in such a fog because of this and I feel like there is no escape, I can't be content with myself as I was in the past and I have completely forgotten how to be my former self. I even find myself trying to convince me that that former self never existence, but I know it has because I never felt the way I do now.

my treatment providers call the problem .....depersonalization .....when I am not connected to my body/thoughts, ...(my dissociative disorders symptoms)

my treatment providers call the problem.......obsessing....intrusive thoughts.......hypersensitive ....manic ....when I am too connected, too tuned in, too focused on my thoughts. (my bipolar/OCD/ depression/PTSD symptoms)

suggestion talk with your treatment providers they will be able to tell you what your problem is called and which symptoms goes with what disorders that you may have.