[Ash0198]

Hey guys,
My psychologist just suggested to me early this week that she thinks I might have DID....but I'm not too sure. The only thing I can think of as a symptom are the spirit beings in my head that talk to me all the time. Could these be alters instead? She says she's seen them come out. But I dunno my psychiatrist and psychologist are still not sure if its psychosis or dissacosiation. I don't have memory loss although my short term memory loss is appalling but I thinks it's the meds not me....and I don't black out or anything like that.

But I do have periods where I really really do not feel myself like I find it hard to recognise my own self in the mirror which scares me so much. Nothing feels real...only the being in my head feel real to me.
So my question is how did u guys first figure out there was something wrong? Or if others picked up on ur mood switches?? I just don't know....it's all confusing the crap out of me. Also....do things get worse over time???

Thanks a lot for reading

Ash

[Luce]

Hi Ash. Some T's believe that some people with DID can have amnesia for their amnesia... meaning that sometimes a person just isn't aware that they lose time. Instead time might seem foggy or inconsistent, or a person may have a great deal of trouble remembering what they did that morning, or last week, or ten minutes ago or whatever. And if this is a person's 'normal' way of being they may simply not realise that other people experience time more consistently. For other people with DID time gaps are more glaringly obvious and distinct and there is a definite sense of 'lost time'.

It is quite possible that these 'spirit beings in your head' are alters that HAVE come out and spent time talking with your T without your awareness. It sounds like you do experience some dissociative symptoms, so maybe it is worth keeping an open mind and continuing to explore what's going on with your T.

For me, I always knew that something was wrong. I remember 'knowing' as a kid that if I could manage to survive 'now' then I could get myself to therapy as soon as I was able and begin to sort out the crap. So that's what I did - as soon as I could I got myself to therapy, without really any idea what was wrong, but the knowledge that something was very, very wrong. I just didn't know what it was.

Over time my alters began to trust my T and started making themselves known to her... then later she helped them make themselves known to me. When I first 'met' them it was weird... with the first two that made themselves known to me I realised that in some sense I had always known they were there, but not known who or what they were. They became my greatest friends and allies.

And yes, it did get worse before it got better. And it took a long time. There was an awful lot of crap to sort through, and sorting through crap is neither fun nor easy. So for a while it got a lot, lot worse, and then gradually it started to get a little better. Now it is way, way, way better than I could have ever imagained or hoped for, and certainly way better than it ever could have been if I had left the crap alone. SO yeah - it is hard work, but it is worth it. 'Sorting it out' can absolutely help the rest of your life be so much better.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

Hey guys,
My psychologist just suggested to me early this week that she thinks I might have DID....but I'm not too sure. The only thing I can think of as a symptom are the spirit beings in my head that talk to me all the time. Could these be alters instead? She says she's seen them come out. But I dunno my psychiatrist and psychologist are still not sure if its psychosis or dissacosiation. I don't have memory loss although my short term memory loss is appalling but I thinks it's the meds not me....and I don't black out or anything like that.

But I do have periods where I really really do not feel myself like I find it hard to recognise my own self in the mirror which scares me so much. Nothing feels real...only the being in my head feel real to me.
So my question is how did u guys first figure out there was something wrong? Or if others picked up on ur mood switches?? I just don't know....it's all confusing the crap out of me. Also....do things get worse over time???

Thanks a lot for reading

Ash

Im sorry we cant tell you whether your spirit beings in your head are alters or psychosis. only your therapist and psychiatrist can tell you that..

there are ways to tell the difference between the two but only those that are your therapist and psychiatrist can do the tests to find those differences and then tell you what is going on inside of you...

my suggestion keep working with your treatment providers, and with their help things will become more clearer to you and your treatment providers which is which.

your other questions how did I figure out something was wrong?

therapy, testing and medications.

sure people picked up on my mood switching but they just thought I was a moody person...

see one thing you need to know DID isnt like suddenly becoming depressed, or angry and people notice these mood switching...

a person with DID has been that way since they were younger than 5 yrs old.. that means that every time they switched into an alter no body noticed anything wrong because they have been doing this all their life...

example when I switched into an angry alter as a teen or adult it didnt grab my mothers attention because I have been switching into that angry alter since the terrible two's when kids normally do throw temper tantrums, get angry, yell and sometimes kick scream and what have you. its normal for a child under 5 to be angry one second , happy the next, crying the next. the same with puberty and pre puberty yrs...its normal for kids to be moody and switch moods so to my mother who sees me every single day from the moment I was born to the day I moved out to go to college it didnt ring any bells and whistles that said hey mom Im an alter named red, hey mom Im an alter named Rainy...DID doesnt work that way and neither does being an alter.

the only way to be sure that you have DID is through diagnostic testing. there is a full gauntlet of tests that have to be done now and even more once the new DSM 5 comes out in may. if you really want to know just ask your psychiatrist for diagnostic evaluations for dissociative disorder. after you go through all the tests and rule out all the different medical and mental things that share the same symptoms that you are having. your treatment providers will be able to tell you which you have...DID or psychosis.

[Ash0198]

Ok well that might explain why I don't notice. When I possibly switch....I really really have no time awareness and the time period that I was in that stage is very very foggy. So I guess DID can explain a little bit about that symptom I guess.
She says she's seen me switch....I just don't notice. My earliest recollection of 'not feeling real' and thinking Wales were speaking to me and I had special powers was about 8. I felt so weird inside....but anyway...I guess we'll see what happens when I see her next week :/.
Thanks a lot for ur replies! I'll check in after I see her next Tuesday

[possum220]

Hi Ash,

What ever is happening can be very confusing and mixed up. When my symptoms became more and more evident I denied it for ages. I could sense things were different but it wasnt mine. Trust in your carers.

Writing down what is going on may help you and help others to understand what is real for you. Take it one day at a time. This is your journey. Take time out to breathe....... even on the hardest of days.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

Hey guys,
My psychologist just suggested to me early this week that she thinks I might have DID....but I'm not too sure. The only thing I can think of as a symptom are the spirit beings in my head that talk to me all the time. Could these be alters instead? She says she's seen them come out. But I dunno my psychiatrist and psychologist are still not sure if its psychosis or dissacosiation. I don't have memory loss although my short term memory loss is appalling but I thinks it's the meds not me....and I don't black out or anything like that.

But I do have periods where I really really do not feel myself like I find it hard to recognise my own self in the mirror which scares me so much. Nothing feels real...only the being in my head feel real to me.
So my question is how did u guys first figure out there was something wrong? Or if others picked up on ur mood switches?? I just don't know....it's all confusing the crap out of me. Also....do things get worse over time???

Thanks a lot for reading

Ash

When I was young I would see a change in the face of the person I was talking to. So if they knew me one way and they thought I was behaving out of character they would look surprised or confused. These reactions would cause me to switch to who ever they were familiar with. When I started therapy I had the same issue with my therapist. If I saw, what I believed to be surprised or confused look on her face, I would switch. My t was patient and would work with who ever was at session. Now anyone is allowed to go to session and talk if they want and I don't feel the need to switch to protect us. We have rules about behavior during therapy that everyone seems to have agreed to. So no one is allowed to be violent at session. They can be angry and express that anger in words. But not in actions. Other wise the ones who show up at session present as they are. I am still learning about my system. It's difficult but it feels right.

[Ash0198]

thanks for ur posts guys.

how do u know that its not just ur emotions that are changing you? i mean you would feel completely different inside when u change, but what if its just how strong ur emotions are that is effecting ur persona and causing u to feel a little 'spaced out' (thats how i feel when i become emotional)....but then again these question can be turned around and looked at it from the angle of this being ur different alters?...i dunno....

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

thanks for ur posts guys.

how do u know that its not just ur emotions that are changing you? i mean you would feel completely different inside when u change, but what if its just how strong ur emotions are that is effecting ur persona and causing u to feel a little 'spaced out' (thats how i feel when i become emotional)....but then again these question can be turned around and looked at it from the angle of this being ur different alters?...i dunno....

If you are asking how someone might know it was an alter and not just themselves feeling different emotions for me it is easy: They were not me and I did not feel their emotions at all. They were very, very separate. When my alters were out they had their own thoughts, memories, emotions and sense of self, and also perceived thmeselves to be completely different entities from both me and all the others.
*I* did not feel completed different when I switched. *I* did not feel or know anything at all. When I switched into an alter, the alter that was out felt whatever feelings belonged to them.
Much later into my therapy (after years and years of it) there was much more blurring of the lines between us and I was able to feel emotions that my alts shared with me, but we still had a very distinct awareness of what belonged to our own self and what belonged to the other.

[possum220]

I am at the stage that when I switch, I feel no emotion. The alt takes over. I get forced into the back ground and it used to feel weird but I am used to that now. When I first started therapy i couldn't feel anything. I said to my T that I wanted to feel. I can now feel sadness. Sometimes anger and frustration. Anything on a deep level may last for a split second and then vanishes.

Alters learn to protect and do it well.

It takes time to learn how your emotions are going to respond. Depends on your experiences. What one person experiences is different to another.

[Ash0198]

I know I have an angry male voice...a female voice in her early 30's...and a small girl voice. So.....heh :/
I mean it could also explain why sometime I have unusually violent thoughts about people dying or me killing people or myself dying....I know these thoughts are implanted....most of my thoughts are.... This will happen for a period and then stop all of a sudden and I'm fine again...this is usually when the angry male voice is dominant...I tend to space out so much and feel like I'm possessed In a way. My T calls it 'being accessed' when they 'come out'. I just don't see it! I feel it....but I don't recognise it as me switching. That's where I question the idea....but I mean they wouldn't have said the same dissociative diagnosis my T and psychiatrist. So they must see it! It's just all confusing....

[Ash0198]

Or maybe they're just out smarting me!!!!

[Ash0198]

Anyone heard of a guy called Steve oglevie??? He gives treatment for this type of thin apparently....

[Time traveler]

Originally Posted by Luce

Hi Ash. Some T's believe that some people with DID can have amnesia for their amnesia... meaning that sometimes a person just isn't aware that they lose time. Instead time might seem foggy or inconsistent, or a person may have a great deal of trouble remembering what they did that morning, or last week, or ten minutes ago or whatever. And if this is a person's 'normal' way of being they may simply not realise that other people experience time more consistently. For other people with DID time gaps are more glaringly obvious and distinct and there is a definite sense of 'lost time'.

It is quite possible that these 'spirit beings in your head' are alters that HAVE come out and spent time talking with your T without your awareness. It sounds like you do experience some dissociative symptoms, so maybe it is worth keeping an open mind and continuing to explore what's going on with your T.

For me, I always knew that something was wrong. I remember 'knowing' as a kid that if I could manage to survive 'now' then I could get myself to therapy as soon as I was able and begin to sort out the crap. So that's what I did - as soon as I could I got myself to therapy, without really any idea what was wrong, but the knowledge that something was very, very wrong. I just didn't know what it was.

Over time my alters began to trust my T and started making themselves known to her... then later she helped them make themselves known to me. When I first 'met' them it was weird... with the first two that made themselves known to me I realised that in some sense I had always known they were there, but not known who or what they were. They became my greatest friends and allies.

And yes, it did get worse before it got better. And it took a long time. There was an awful lot of crap to sort through, and sorting through crap is neither fun nor easy. So for a while it got a lot, lot worse, and then gradually it started to get a little better. Now it is way, way, way better than I could have ever imagained or hoped for, and certainly way better than it ever could have been if I had left the crap alone. SO yeah - it is hard work, but it is worth it. 'Sorting it out' can absolutely help the rest of your life be so much better.

Luce: Thank you SO much for these thoughts. I am newly diagnosed and your comment is so reassuring. For sure, things have gotten more difficult for me. Thanks for giving me the encouragement to "sort" things out. I am going to cut and paste your answer and keep it in the notes section of my iPhone.

[Ash0198]

Now I really do not know. This treatment in America turns out it isn't right for me because I dot fit the criteria to be able to do it.
Now I really have no idea as to what I am experiencing...I feel so confused. I had direction and kept my hopes up for this treatment and now....nothing at all. Anyways my whining is over. Just had to let it out is all.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

Ok well that might explain why I don't notice. When I possibly switch....I really really have no time awareness and the time period that I was in that stage is very very foggy. So I guess DID can explain a little bit about that symptom I guess.
She says she's seen me switch....I just don't notice. My earliest recollection of 'not feeling real' and thinking Wales were speaking to me and I had special powers was about 8. I felt so weird inside....but anyway...I guess we'll see what happens when I see her next week :/.
Thanks a lot for ur replies! I'll check in after I see her next Tuesday

Im sorry to tell you but DID isnt walls talking to you, thinking you have special powers...those two symptoms are with in other mental disorders like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and schizo affective disorder.. depending on which disorder thinking walls are talking to you, and thinking you have special powers is called by different words like...delusional, hallucinations and psychosis. my medications caused me to have this problem a few times but once my meds were adjusted I was ok again..

my suggestion contact your treatment providers, they will be able to narrow down what these things are in you and get you treated for it.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Ash0198

Now I really do not know. This treatment in America turns out it isn't right for me because I dot fit the criteria to be able to do it.
Now I really have no idea as to what I am experiencing...I feel so confused. I had direction and kept my hopes up for this treatment and now....nothing at all. Anyways my whining is over. Just had to let it out is all.

the best thing you can do for yourself is not try to figure out whats going on by your self. here in america we call this kind of thing self diagnosing and it can lead you to many different diagnosis's that may not be the right one for you,

my suggestion look into finding a mental health professional where you are. they can get to the bottom of whats going on inside of you.

[Ash0198]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

Im sorry to tell you but DID isnt walls talking to you, thinking you have special powers...those two symptoms are with in other mental disorders like bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and schizo affective disorder.. depending on which disorder thinking walls are talking to you, and thinking you have special powers is called by different words like...delusional, hallucinations and psychosis. my medications caused me to have this problem a few times but once my meds were adjusted I was ok again..

my suggestion contact your treatment providers, they will be able to narrow down what these things are in you and get you treated for it.

That's what I thought.... :/

[Ash0198]

I think I'll just stop looking into it...just leave it for the pros hah.